Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn
by miss-blanche
Summary: Sirius Black is giving up the ladies once and for all while Lydia Johnson is still searching for Mr Right. But after one memorable potions lesson, it goes to show that frankly my dear, fate doesn't give a damn about your plans. Marauders era
1. Satisfaction

A/N I'm a Marauder junkie these days. I mainly focus on Remus Lupin, but I'm also interested with Sirius Black's character... so here we go... Rolling out a very light fun fic for the times. For other Marauder stories see my profile.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. If given the chance however i would own Remus Lupin or Sirius Black. I don't but if you gave me the chance... _smiles dreamily..._

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**FRANKLY MY DEAR I DON'T GIVE A DAMN**

**Prelogue**

Sirius Black tried as hard as he could not to laugh… because if he laughed she was going to kill him and he knew it. She knew it. The entire Gryffindor common room knew it.

He let out a stifle of laughter.

Oh crap!

It was dubbed the one hit wonder. Too rightly. Who knew someone so petite and pretty could punch someone so bloody hard?!

And thus, Sirius Black gave up girls.

James laughed for ten minutes without stopping, tears streaming down his face clutching his sides so they wouldn't rip.

Remus snorted and muttered, 'That'll be the day.'

Peter looked at him in awe and asked, 'So, I can have Kate Henderson now…?'

Sirius knew it was a long shot… Knew it would be difficult… but he had to do it.

He needed a break from his high profile career.

Too bad he was a sucker for temptation.

* * *

Lydia Johnson had never kissed a boy, never held hands with a boy, never given the eye to eye with a boy, and had never 'gone out' with a boy…

Period.

She was the local cat lady. Sans blown up sewing machine sweaters and the extra hundred pounds. She knew given the chance she could probably get any guy in the school… With her sparkling smile, platinum blonde hair and soft amber eyes…

But she didn't want just ANY guy… She wanted the 'Perfect guy'

She knew the time would come when the perfect guy would present himself and things would slide into place and she'd do all the things her peers had been doing for so long.

It was just a matter of time.

Too bad there was no such thing as the 'Perfect guy.'

* * *

**Chapter One – I can't get no, satisfaction**

Lydia Johnson was boredly staring out the window of the second storey of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, ready to kill someone.

Potions. God's freaking gift to humanity. The only damn subject she had no natural or learnt talent for.

She was so uninterested in the subject in fact she even dared not to listen to the Professor… Something she wouldn't dream of doing in any other class. Not even Professor Binns' History of magic class.

She brushed a strand of platinum blonde hair behind her ear and shot her best friend Lilly Evans a smile. Lilly smiled back before rolling her eyes at James Potter who was now causing chaos… as usual.

But Lydia didn't care about James Potter… or any other boy for that matter….

The reason precisely, things were in dire straights.

It had all started weeks before hand. There had been girls giggling, teachers grimacing and prospective boys looking utterly nervous…

"What in Merlin's name is going on?" Lydia exclaimed dropping her Transfiguration books onto a desk with frightening force. She'd nearly been knocked down twice by two different groups of giggling fourth years and suffice to say; she'd had enough.

"Do you ever read the notice boards?" Lilly asked with a raised eyebrow.

"No." She said shortly not in the mood for a lecture.

"Well if you did, then you'd know there's a Christmas ball coming up-."

Lydia didn't hear the rest of the sentence, all she knew was that there was going to be a ball and that there were going to be males at said ball.

_Oh bloody hell._

What was she going to do? The perfect guy still hadn't come along and she had five weeks and counting to find him or else face going to the ball by herself and risking complete and utter social suicide.

Not that she really cared what other people thought of her… she was always going to be the pretty nerd that sat in the library at all hours of the day studying hard for the exam coming up or handing in assignments a month before they were due…

But it would be nice to finally dip a toe in the romance pond. And who better to do it with than Prince Charming?

She'd imagined Prince Charming many times… He had blonde hair, blue eyes and was the perfect gentlemen. He opened doors and pulled out chairs and his dress robes would be in perfect condition… his perfect hair brushed over to silky perfection.

He had a dazzling smile, was completely honest and genuine and bought her chocolates and flowers.

She sighed dreamily at the thought.

"You're about to receive the information for your half yearly NEWT projects." Slughorn announced cheerfully slapping his fat belly, "A slip of paper will have instructions and your partner's name on it so please accept them when they appear in front of you."

Lydia blinked as a scroll of parchment addressed to her soared off Slughorn's desk and landed on her own. She picked it up and unraveled it hoping that by some chance she'd be landed with Lilly.

No such luck.

"Who the heck is Sirius Black?" She asked confused.

Lilly raised an eyebrow and said in a matter of fact tone, "The Sirius Black? You don't know who Sirius Black is?"

"Of course! I simply want to put you through this grueling boring conversation for kicks…" Lilly looked at her with an eyebrow raised, "No Lilly I don't know who Sirius Black is." She said trying to emphasize every ounce of sarcasm for all it was worth.

Lilly sighed and pointed to a dark haired boy who was leaning back in his chair boredly, flicking his fringe out of his eyes and scanning the class, his parchment unraveled on his desk.

"God how can you not know him?" Lilly asked with a snigger.

"I try to associate myself with fewer people as possible." Lydia sighed.

"Apparently." Lilly said unraveling her own parchment and reading it with a look of great disdain, "Wonderful, I've scored myself Potter. What is this a dating service?"

Lydia looked over at Sirius Black once more. She'd never really paid any attention to him before. But as she looked around the classroom she realized she was probably alone in that department. Nearly every girl in the classroom had their eyes glued to him. She couldn't see why. His hair wasn't brushed back to perfection… he wasn't neat and proper… he didn't look like the perfect gentlemen.

His top three buttons were undone and his tie was loosened considerably, his hair was dark brown and while not disastrously styled it was certainly messier than it should have been. He looked like he hadn't picked up a razor in days and stubble was starting to accumulate around his jaw. As if to accentuate this scruffy look he stretched back in his chair and the hem of his school shirt was tugged messily from his pants.

She glanced back up at his face and had to admit that when he laughed he was at the very least _mildly_ attractive, he really did have a dazzling smile, but there was no honest genuine element to it, it was a smile that almost screamed 'CHEEKY MISCHIEVIOUS FLIRT...' His eyes seemed to behold a sparkle that only confirmed what his smile already said.

Sirius Black was not the perfect guy.

And Lydia sank back into her chair still wondering if she'd ever find him.

Sirius played with the edges of his parchment boredly trying to locate Lydia Johnson… Why did he not know a Lydia Johnson?

Maybe she was a real book worm. That was usually the only explanation as to why he hadn't met a girl… He knew most girls better than the school broom cupboards and more often than not he knew them better INSIDE those broom cupboards.

But he wasn't wasting time thinking about that… because he was a changed man… he wanted nothing more to do with girls…

For the time being.

"Who is Lydia Johnson?" He asked Remus.

Yawning (and looking very pale) Remus Lupin pointed to a blonde girl seated next to Lilly Evans.

_How could a girl like that, possibly be a book worm?_

His question was answered rather hastily when she walked over to his desk and sat down.

"Hi I'm Sir-."

"Lydia, Johnson. And no you cannot call me Lid or Liddie or any other foul name. It's Lydia and it always has been. Between now and the time we hand this project in we will remain WORK partners. You will not seduce me. I do not think you are even remotely attractive and I am not interested. You can be in charge of practical tasks and I will cover the theory work. You do not need to talk to me outside these potions lessons. And further more if you and your blood brother James Potter so much as even put a whoopee cushion on my chair I will jinx you from here to kingdom come. Any questions?"

Sirius blinked. Obviously she was a book worm because she alienated other people and had a security field the size of Mount Everest on every side of her.

"One." He said with a grin.

"What?" She said already exasperated.

"What the hell is a whoopee cushion?"

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**Review!!! REVIEW MY MINIONS REVIEW!!!! Get one Sirius and one Remus free every time you review... It's just that easy. Chapter 2 will be up very soon :)  
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	2. Get off of my cloud

**A/N So I'm rolling out another chapter for everybody. I hope you enjoy reading it and find the antics of Sirius And Lydia entertaining... And... to very impotant matters...**

**One free Sirius and one free Remus to the following reviewers!**

**xXxFluffy-Pink-Socks, Krissy-Lynn, The-Singer-In-White, madpoet08, Chipmunks-rock, The-Lost-tear and xpink-lemonsx. Thankyou so much:) Your individual thankyous will be at the bottom of this chapter.**

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**Chapter 2 – Get off of my cloud**

Sirius' eye began to twitch.

It had been two days, seventeen hours, 24 minutes and 54 seconds approximately since he'd made his decision to abstain from any female contact.

And it was starting to wear very thin on his nerves.

Was he obsessed with females? Could he not last even three days without some sort of contact with the opposite sex? Where was the cool laid back Sirius that just lay down and lapped up the attention that was thrown in his direction by every female within a five mile radius?

He was sitting in the library, his eye twitching uncontrollably pretending to be paying attention to Lydia Johnson who sat upright in her chair reciting the many ingredients to Wolfsbane potion.

"You know." She said clearly irritated, "If you're going to tap your pencil against the desk you may as well do it to some sort of tune. Try the Monkeys; they're always a popular choice."

Sirius looked down at his pencil. He hadn't even noticed his incessant tapping. He really was suffering from withdrawal.

"I thought I was doing the practical part of this project!" He muttered indignantly pushing his pencil away moodily. Although he had nowhere better to be with his state of celibacy he didn't really see the need to sit in the library for an entire hour in the company of the anti-Christ.

"You do realize it was your idea to be here?" She said glaring at him.

Clearly he'd gone insane. How could he have suggested an idea so stupid? Spend time in the company of Lydia Johnson? He'd rather naw his own nads off. And more to the point how could he not remember suggesting it?

He scratched his head puzzled. He really did need to find effective alternatives to shagging. The absence of said activity had obviously addled his brain so badly his frontal lobe was dysfunctional.

"Besides." She said in a matter of fact tone, "Learning the theory will help you with the practical."

Sirius sighed and buried his head in his hands. Lydia Johnson had to be the bossiest, sassiest, self acclaimed nerd he'd ever met in his life. They'd spent their entire potions lesson arguing about which potion would make the best exhibit for their NEWT project. The Wolfsbane potion had caught Sirius' eye as it was a newly discovered potion that hadn't been completely perfected. And as his eyes had scanned down the page silently reciting the ingredients, he couldn't help but think of Remus. Lydia's suggestion however, had been somewhat less adventurous. A strong sleeping draught had to be the most over done NEWT project in the history of Hogwarts. In fact, Sirius intended to prove it to her by looking it up in 'Hogwarts; A history.'  
Professor Slughorn had finally ended their debate by offering his approval of Sirius' suggestion… Lydia after all… was not very talented in the area of potions. But now, Sirius almost wished that he'd agreed with her in the first place. Her attitude towards him had been cold enough on first appearances but it seemed Lydia appreciated being beaten down about as much as he did. She'd been in a huffy silence with him for the rest of the day and anything he said in her eyes was completely unworthy of praise. His jokes were not witty and his rare show of kindness not registered. He wondered absently if she'd hold it against him forever. An image of his wedding day popped to mind and Lydia was giving a speech. He chuckled to himself.

"Laughing to yourself is the first sign of madness." Lydia said not tearing her eyes away from the book.

"No, talking to yourself is the first sign of madness. I suppose someone like you though would have to resort to talking to themselves whether they were mad or not. You know, not having even a trace of a social life." He retaliated folding his arms and sinking lower into his chair in the tantrum pose, popular with terrible two's all over.

"What, and miss out on all this fun? I've got better things to do than stand in a group of mindless brats giggling away, gloating about the run in I had with the latest male beauty, 'No, Honestly… He ACTUALLY looked at me!'" She mimicked in a girlish tone and fluttered her eye lashes dramatically. Sirius felt his lip twitching and contained a smile with great difficulty. He was immensely glad when she returned to her reading as it gave him the chance to renew his tantrum pose.

"Just for interest…" He said now tapping his foot, grinning maliciously, "Who IS the latest male beauty."

"Some schmuck named Sirius Black. For the life of me I can't figure out who they're on about… all the Sirius' Blacks I know are ANNOYING LITTLE TWERPS!" She shouted slamming the book down on the table, clearly frustrated with his foot tapping.

A few moments later Sirius and Lydia were sprawled out on the corridor floor their books and quills splayed around them.

"Well in her defense… If I was a librarian I'd probably be insane too." Sirius said with a grin. His humour however was not appreciated by Lydia who sat up in a huff and gathered her books around her looking murderous.

"That's the second time you've irked me all day!" She exclaimed. Sirius looked at her blankly. "Now we can't finish our research!"

"But… You were the one that defaced an important contribution to the 'Great potions of our time' section." Sirius said mimicking Madam Pince to a tee.

"Well if you hadn't been tapping your foot in such an annoying manner then I wouldn't have had to would I?" She growled standing and smoothing her robes down. "Now, I'm going back to the Ravenclaw common room… Where I hope you know there are no useful books on Wolfsbane potion. I suggest you head back to Gryffindor before someone murders you! Which, if you take into consideration the fact that you're so annoying, could very well happen soon."

Sirius watched her stomp away in complete and utter amazement. He gathered his fallen possessions and did as she had told him.

Peter greeted him with a snigger when he climbed through the portrait hole.

"So, how's the celibacy going?"

Shaking his head bewilderedly he said, "Well after what I just witnessed… I'm actually feeling a whole lot better about giving up women."

* * *

"Lilly can you please just give it to him when you go to Care of Magical Creatures?" Lydia begged as she and her best friend walked the corridors the next day during lunch. 

"Why can't you give it to him?" Lilly asked rifling through her Charms notes clearly not paying attention.

"Because the less time I spend in the company of Sirius Black the less imminent the possibility of ending up in a mental asylum becomes."

Lilly laughed and her emerald green eyes sparkled. Lydia had seen a very similar sparkle many times and had learnt quickly not to trust it. She wasn't a trouble maker on a general basis and neither did she condone trouble making. And Lilly seemed to be conspiring at that very moment… Very bad.

"Well as you are potions partners, and you do live in the same five mile radius… I'd say you should get use to each other. Don't you think?"

"No… No Lilly I don't… Lilly where are you going? LILLY!" But Lilly Evans wasn't listening and had walked on ahead of her into the charms classroom.

Unaware she was in the middle of a corridor packed full of people she stamped her foot dramatically before turning huffily and running into Remus Lupin.

Without apology she said, "Brilliant! Listen, I have Sirius' diary and I was wondering if you'd give it to him?"

Remus eyed her suspiciously as he brushed down his robes rather pointedly. After thirty seconds of this action he realized she wasn't going to apologise and asked shrewdly; "Why don't you give it to him?"

Lydia sighed and tried a different tactic, "I'm not in any of his classes."

"But he's got Transfiguration with the Ravenclaws right now… and you're a Ravenclaw."

_Smart arse…_

"I thought he had charms." She said improvising as she went along.

"No… For some Gryffindors the time table had to be changed around a bit… Just give it to him now."

And without another word Remus Lupin left her in the middle of the corridor still holding Sirius shagging Black's diary.

Once more she stamped her foot, but this time she checked she wasn't about to run into anyone, and satisfied that the corridor was now empty she made her way to Transfiguration in a tantrum.

She realized when she arrived that it had been a bad idea to linger in the corridor hoping someone would take Sirius Black's diary. It had earned her a lecture about the importance of punctuality at NEWT level transfiguration; courtesy of Professor McGonagall.

"Take a spare seat down the back next to Mr Black."

Mr Black? Oh bloody hell!

Lydia glared at Sirius accusatively trying to translate in her eyes that it was all his fault. If he hadn't been born such an arrogant jerk she wouldn't have stormed off in a huff the day before with his diary and then in turn would not have had to stand around in the corridor begging random Gryffindors to give it back to him when she was due in Transfiguration.

_Moron._

As if reading her mind he smiled at her innocently and suavely pushed his books over to her side of the desk. She glared at him again, feeling like a giant prat throwing herself down into the seat beside him moodily. It seemed whatever she did around him was usually done in a moody fashion.

"Do you mind?" She hissed trying to make use of the spare inch of desk but failing miserably.

"Not at all." He said with a malicious grin spreading his books out further.

She growled in a frustrated manner and tried to concentrate on the incantation they were using to vanish mammals. But due to her lateness she'd missed the beginning of the lesson and could not master the spell. Vanishing spells were always difficult and though they'd been covered the year before she found summarizing the topic just as difficult as learning it.

"Professor McGonagall could you please repeat-."

"Miss Johnson, are you under the impression that I have time for you? I would have had time for you had you been in my class in the beginning ten minutes but you were not, so therefor I do not have time for you." She then pointedly turned her back and strutted to her desk.

_Bloody wonderful_

Lydia grimaced. Sirius was staring at her a smile playing on his lips… she knew what he was thinking…

_Git_

"Fine! Show me how to do it!" She exclaimed finally, having had enough of his smirk.

"I'll wait for a please." He said raising his eyebrow expectantly.

She sighed. She was unsure who she hated most out of Sirius Black and Minerva McGonagall but between the two of them she figured she could power several small countries with her hate alone. Grimacing she said through gritted teeth, "Sirius will you please show me how to vanish this darn animal?"

"Certainly my good lady… you only had to ask."

He was actually a rather good teacher… and he was very talented at vanishing spells. Something that only made her madder. She'd always been talented academically! Why did she have to take tips from someone as shallow as Black?

"Thank you." She said bitterly, taking her wand and practicing the incantation.

"Evenescafera!" She said clearly.

Not quite what she had in mind.

The moment she'd waved her wand a great explosion had occurred upending every desk in the classroom and sending books everywhere. Girls screamed and boys took cover.

It was then she realized…

Sirius Black had switched her wand… for his.

He looked at her innocently for two or three seconds before grinning mischievously and then finally bursting out into infectious laughter.

She wasn't impressed.

And neither was Professor McGonagall.

"BLACK!" She screeched. Lydia wondered how McGonagall had known it was his work of mischief. And then she looked at Black and wondered how she'd even thought to be curious about that in the first place. It was Black… if there was trouble, he was in on it.

The bell rang and brought with it Lydia's salvation. She grabbed her books, apologizing to onlookers who were glaring at her accusatively and made her way out the door fuming. She couldn't remember ever being in such a bad mood, but she could see in the not too distant future a time when she'd probably think exactly the same thing after another Sirius induced tantrum.

And then she realised that she still had his diary.

BUGGER IT!

She hated Sirius Black so much she couldn't stand it. She had never had such a bad two days in her life. She had been banned from the Library for a week for defacing a potions book (she could hardly see how slamming a book down on a table to prove her point was defacing but then Madame Pince had always been a bit loopy) and now she'd been late to her class and demolished the classroom.

And she still had his shagging diary!

She pulled the cause of all her troubles out of her bag and glared at it in disdain. How dare it cause her so much pain and suffering! How dare it look at her so smugly!

She was personifying a diary.

Very… VERY bad sign.

Growling she threw it down on the ground and stalked away. Sirius Black was the most arrogant, immature, annoying son of a bitch she'd ever met.

And she wasn't about to help him by returning his bloody diary!

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**Krissy-Lynn - You know my friend said the same thing... and my english teacher says it every time i give her a piece of writing, (Sighs) It's a curse. Anyhow I hope this chap was a little less confusing. Thanks for your constructive critism!**

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**Cheeky prank playing Sirius and stressed up Lupin (he needs his tension eased) free for all those who review ;)**


	3. Heart of stone

**A/N Well hello. I'm back again for another installment of 'The hilarious antics of ** **Lydia**** Johnson and Sirius Black' aka 'Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn' saga. Although this chapter isn't essentially the most humourous one of all. We have to deal with some serious issues, (I know I'm mean aren't I?) **

**References: Rolling stones (see title of chapter and all previous titles, I love the stones what can i say? Every chapter title will be the title of one of their songs) James Bond and of course Harry Potter (obviously)**  
**Reviewer thankyous at the bottom of this page :) **

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**  
Chapter three - Heart of Stone **

Slughorn gave Sirius a very dubious look before picking up the stirring rod and tentatively poking the potion…

_Bad idea…_

Sirius awoke with a start as cheers erupted from the Quidditch pitch. He looked at the page he'd been using as a pillow in disdain and thought back on the biggest potions disaster Professor Slughorn had probably ever seen. His practical work had been so shoddy that his experimental potion had exploded and remnants were still stuck to the dungeon walls. He could still see Professor Slughorn's face vividly; Green slime dripping down his nose…

He shook his head and tried to concentrate on the theory work he was supposed to be memorizing. He'd even sacrificed the first Quidditch match of the season to learn it and had every intention of remaining locked up in the dormitories that night to continue his study while the Gryffindors partied below in the common room.

The thought was painful. Quidditch victory parties had always been a very joyous occasion for Sirius. More social activity… Alcohol running high…

It was the perfect pick up place. It was Shagsville. It was every guys dream…

It was heaven.

But it wouldn't have mattered anyway… he'd given up women.

So even if he hadn't had a potions essay due first thing Monday morning it wouldn't have made much difference.

He buried his head in his hands and tried to concentrate.

_Think Sirius think._

A tapping on the window interrupted his thoughts. He looked up irritably and found himself looking at a large brown owl with amber eyes trying to enter the common room through solid glass.

A dread filled the pit of Sirius' stomach that was much worse than the thought of what Slughorn would do to him if he didn't complete his essay by Monday. A chill rattled its way up his spine and filled him with an ever lasting cold that no amount of butter beer could warm.

Each step he took towards the window brought with it a new thought of dread. What had happened that was so urgent he needed to be alerted? What had he done wrong now?

He opened the window just enough for the owl to crawl through. Looking at Sirius with disdain ruffling its feathers indignantly the owl hooted loudly and bit him sharply on the finger.

Finger to his mouth Sirius opened the letter awkwardly with his left hand and scanned the parchment.

* * *

It was worse than she'd imagined.

She'd always hated the after parties. There were drunken idiots, more drunken idiots and if she was particularly unlucky on top of all that there were more drunken idiots.

She knew what to expect, she knew the drill.

But that night things were a bit ridiculous.

She was the only person in Ravenclaw house that was sober. And yes, that did include the first and second years.

She needed refuge.

* * *

She knew broom cupboards were a popular hang out for sluts all over. But there was simply nowhere else for her to go. The common room was the very place she'd set out to avoid, she was banned from the Library, the classrooms were suspiciously locked and the bathrooms were rather chilly.

A broom cupboard would have to do.

What she hadn't expected to find was Sirius Shagging Black snogging some random Ravenclaw fifth year so seriously she looked as if she was going to pass out. Lydia didn't blame her. After all, he had very bad BIO.

Lydia cleared her throat pointedly and tapped her foot. The Ravenclaw surfaced looking mortified.

"I… I…"

"Don't you think it's past your bedtime?" Lydia asked fiercely flashing her prefect badge and puffing out her chest with pride. The fifth year nodded still looking mortified and stumbled out of the broom cupboard clumsily before scampering off. Sirius rolled his eyes and leant against the cupboard door his dark eyes flashing angrily.

"It's your bed-."

"Do I really look like I give a damn?" Sirius asked sullenly.

"No James Bond you probably don't, but I have a responsibility to make sure-."

"I'm not creating havoc around the castle? Well "M" generally as a rule when I'm snogging girls I'm not creating havoc, so a clever tactic would have been to leave me here with that beautiful specimen and Filch would have slept soundly."

Lydia snorted before seating herself at his feet to his annoyance.

"What?"

"She's fifteen."

"So? That doesn't mean she's not beautiful."

"But it DOES mean she's fifteen."

"And I'm seventeen… What's your point? I think I missed it."

Lydia rolled her eyes and didn't reply. There was no point. Sirius Black was seldom morals and rules. He really didn't give a damn.

But there was something else about his voice that stopped her replying. It wasn't sarcasm (although obviously that was present) and it wasn't a sneer. Absent was the mischievous glint his eyes usually held.

He was annoyed.

One would go as far as to say he was pissed off.

You could even say he was angry.

And not one of those emotions held even the slightest trace of his usual suave attitude.

"You're not going to bed." She said more curiously than accusatively.

"How very perceptive of you." He snarled sinking to the floor next to her in a tantrum pose.

Lydia watched him closely. What could possibly irk Sirius Black so much? Wasn't his life supposed to be peachy? Confident, handsome, popular, smart, funny, rich and well connected. What could possibly irk Sirius Black?

"Are you having a bad hair day?" Lydia asked an eyebrow raised, looking at his slightly tussled dark locks.

"Something like that." He replied not meeting her eye.

Lydia watched him closely once more. No it was definitely something more serious than a bad hair day. But then in her defence with Sirius Black it was always safe to check just in case. His life after all was peachy and when one's life was peachy one could be easily irked. That was in a sense her 'Peachy Life Theorem.'

"What's wrong?" She asked.

"Nothing." Sirius said vindictively, "Slughorn's essay, can you help me sneak into the library tomorrow to get some books so I can actually finish the damn thing?"

Lydia looked at him analytically. In any regular situation she would have believed him by applying the 'Peachy life theorem' but something told her that Slughorn's essay was the last thing on Sirius' mind. Well maybe not last. It might have been about fifth but it definitely wasn't the thing bothering him.

"Stop avoiding the question Sirius."

"Why shouldn't I? I don't have to tell you what's bothering me do I? We're not even friends."

"That's an understatement. You and I are like the devil and God. You evil seducer you." Lydia said pinching his cheek in a lovable way. Despite his foul mood Sirius cracked a small grin.

"Damn you, you're a bossy nerd and you're almost cheering me up."

"Oh." Lydia laughed, "Well Mr Brutal honesty you're not all that great yourself. Believe me I can think of a million things I'd rather be doing than sitting here in a broom cupboard cheering up a seventeen year old man whore that acts like a poltergeist."

Sirius looked at her a feigned expression of hurt upon his face, "Oh I'm not that great?"

"Well some girls probably think so. But you're not my type."

"Smart?" Sirius asked with a grin.

"Single." Lydia replied in all seriousness.

Doubling over in laughter Sirius replied "Ok let's drop this James Bond thing…"

"Let's not. I haven't found a wizard yet that actually knows what I'm talking about when I say 'The name's Bond. James Bond.'"

Sirius chuckled to himself and replied, "Have you ever considered saying your actual name?"

"The names Johnson. Lydia Johnson. That sounds crap!"

"Yeah you're right it does… But that's because your name sucks. Mine sounds really cool. The name's Black. Sirius, Black."

Lydia had to agree with him. Out of all the names (apart from James Bond) it sounded the best in that particular context. They spent a further ten minutes trying to find other names that sounded good when put into the James Bond format. The best remained, however, Sirius Black.

"You know you're really annoying." Lydia said absently as Sirius chuckled at the last attempt at James Bond formatting; Minerva McGonagall.

"What? Why? I thought we'd been agreeing there for the record time of ten minutes."

"Yes which makes you annoying. Make up your mind! Do you want to be annoying or charming?"

"Charming eh? You think I'm charming."

Lydia looked at Sirius an eyebrow reaching her hair line. He looked back at her expectantly. He'd asked as if it was a fly away question but the look in his eye seemed to prove the opposite.

"No." She answered truthfully.

"Good." Sirius answered smoothly recovering quickly, "Because you're not my type either."

"Let me guess, slutty, dumb and dim witted?"

"You got it in one… Or three actually. Two technically as dumb and dim witted are the same thing."

"No they're not. Dim witted means stupid, dumb is the inability to speak."

Sirius looked thoughtful for a moment, conceiving defeat he replied, "Well yeah… fine then."

"I thought as much. You should consider giving up girls for just a week you know."

"I have." Sirius said bleakly.

"How'd it go?"

"It failed miserably as soon as that fifth year walked down the corridor at approximately eight fifteen this evening."

Lydia laughed, although she hadn't been joking with her proposition. Sirius really did need to think about giving up girls. Some of the rumours she'd heard weren't exactly comforting.

"Are you going to try again?"

"Yes, as to how successful my attempt will be I don't know." Sirius sighed. They were getting closer to the original reason for their discussion and it made him nervous. The only reason he'd broken his vow of abstinence was that there had been no alcohol to deter him from his thoughts and women were the next best thing. He didn't want to delve into those thoughts again.

"Well it's good to at least try." She said stretching and yawning, "I'm going to bed. I have a book you can use for the project. I'll give it to you tomorrow. Mind you get it done by Monday." She said flashing him a warning glare.

"Yes 'M'." Sirius muttered rolling his eyes.

He watched her walk briskly up the corridor leaving him alone to ponder on his own thoughts once more. He took the letter from his robe pocket and read it through again.

_Your father and I have certain expectations. Your actions last summer were not synonymous with the word Black. Our family has a long and respected heritage, and instead of realizing that, you fraternize with the very people we despise. We have not rewritten our wills as we threatened to but we do alert you to the fact that you are no longer welcome in our family. At the conclusion of your seventh year you may return to collect your things and then you can leave. We offered you the chance to redeem yourself at the start of last summer but you never returned and instead you stayed with blood traitors. We wash our hands of you._

They had neither addressed the letter nor addressed him. It was a hastily written note and he had obviously not been wasted on their good parchment. He rolled the letter into a ball and hauled it across the corridor, stalking back to the Gryffindor tower with a scowl on his face.

And as he did a totally unrelated left field thought crossed his mind. He felt disgusted with himself as it was such a sappy thing to think about in the midst of much more important matters.

But it nagged at him.

Lydia didn't think he was charming.

While that didn't bother him very much as she was probably one of one girls he found attractive but was not remotely attracted to, it did cause him confusion. All girls found him charming... As he thought back on it the first time he'd met Lydia she'd made it clear she had no romantic interest. Girls loved him. All girls loved him. It was simply, a known fact. It didn't matter who they were, or what kind of girl they were they loved him. No exceptions.

Well... obviously there was one exception...

Lydia.

* * *

**Sofia666 - She is I admit. But this chapter she wasn't so uptight... well for her anyway. :) Thankyou!**

**Paddie'sGirl - Definately a love-hate relationship... lol You find them so often in real life. I'm in one myself actually. lol Anyhow i hope it desn't turn into a cheesy fan fic but I'm not completely sure what qualifies as cheesy... tell me if it does, thanks for your review:)**

**madpoet08 - They do deserve each other really. Is she more likable this chapter? Unfortunately she may go back to her tantrum ways pretty soon... next chapter... oy I need to work on being less conspicuous. :) Sirius will make her jump emotions a lot. :) Thanks again! Glad you found it funny. :)**

**The Lost Tear - I have a pretty short fuse too! he he :) Hope you liked this last update. thanks for your review:)**

**this-love-is-sirius - Did i really spell her name with three L's? I checked briefly and i thought i spelt them all with two L's... My spell check didn't notice and the three L version Lilly is wrong on my spell check... mmm... Well point them out to me and in future I'll check more closely. Thanks for your review:)**

**xmusecliox - Thankyou so much:) I'm glad you found it funny. I really did enjoy writing that starting speech. The shock Sirius received will feature prominently believe me :) Thanks!**

**xpink-lemonx - Thankyou very much! Hope you enjoy this update lots! I was going to update yesterday but i got absorbed in Harry Potter and TGOF movie. (hides head in shame) :)**

**The Sirius and Remus from the previous chapter go to the reviewers above. :) Anyone who reviews this chapter will receive angsty bad boy Sirius and sweet kind Remus. So get reviewing!!!**


	4. Under my thumb

**This chapter isn't one of my proudest moments, but, Sirius REALLY is giving up girls this time (make no mistake) and Lydia is going to be mad at Sirius again (for this chapter and the next at the very least) she's a bit of a stresser :) Anyhow, thanks for the awesome reviews!!! Angsty bad boy Sirius and sweet kind Remus to each and every one of you! **

* * *

**Chapter Four – Under My Thumb**

Sirius Black dreaded every single footstep he took towards the dungeons that Monday morning. If there was a time he knew for a fact that he'd majorly screwed up… it was now.

He'd considered wagging.

Going to Madame Pomfrey.

Polyjuice potion

Faking his own death.

But it was no good. He knew that eventually, one way or the other, whether it be through seer to spirit, from the healthy to the ill, from the unmasked to the disguised or during the lunch break when he could come out from hiding, Lydia Johnson was going to find him.

And he was sure that when she did, faking his death wouldn't be a problem because there wouldn't really be much faking involved.

He hadn't finished his essay.

At first Slughorn's reaction had been the one he'd feared. After all, the man may have been the jolly Father Christmas type but when it came to NEWT course work he meant business. Very serious business.

He accepted no late notes.

But Sirius realized that he could handle a 25 drop in his marking for the year. He could handle the trademark 'Disappointed voice' and he could definitely handle being demoted from the Slug club.

What he couldn't handle was being tortured to the point of madness before being hurled off the Gryffindor tower.

And that was where Lydia came in.

Lydia couldn't handle a 25 drop in her marking for the year or the trademark disappointed voice OR being demoted from the Slug Club.

Too bad they were partners.

Sirius took deep breaths as he approached the dungeon entrance. He had no moral support from his fellow marauders who had all decided to be fifteen minutes late and he had no ways to defend himself as all the status of armour in the castle were sword less.

And it was much too late to head back to the great hall to grab a breakfast knife.

"Sirius." He looked towards the front of the dungeon and saw Lydia smiling at him zealously. That was a big improvement. He was sure her improved attitude towards him had a lot to do with their heart to heart on the weekend and felt slightly disappointed that they were about to go back to where they'd started. In fact he almost felt guilty... He tried to assure himself that it wasn't his fault, it had after all been one of HER comments that had distracted him from his essay.

"One step forward, two steps back." He muttered, cringing at her future reaction.

"Ah Mr Black. I hope you have that essay for me." Slughorn said nodding at him expectantly. Sirius took an incredibly big gulp of air in the attempt to slow his pounding heart but knew that no amount of oxygen would save him.

"No I haven't sir." He hoped his voice didn't sound defiant. Usually when asked the same question by different teachers (none of which were even nearly as scary as Lydia Johnson) he would have answered defiantly. But he figured today was not the day for Sirius style defiance. It was a day for groveling and if by some miracle Slughorn actually believed the story Sirius fed him a little bit of groveling would be just the right ingredient for a lengthy extension.

"Why on earth… NOT?" Lydia snarled looking as if she were about to start hyperventilating.

Sirius prepared himself for a long speech explaining his essay (or lack there of) and waited for an idea to hit him. His ideas were always made up on the spot, he worked better that way.

Or he had done…

But as he stood, looking from the disbelieving Slughorn to the fuming Lydia he realised that he didn't have any ideas. The only thing that seemed to pop to mind was 'The dog ate my homework'

He couldn't lie.

Why the hell couldn't he lie?

WHY THE HELL COULDN'T HE LIE???

He needed lying like most land dwelling creatures needed air. Lying was his soul source of getting through the day.

If a girl wanted him to say he loved her before he shagged her and he didn't love her… He'd lie. If a teacher wanted a name for who strung Snape's filthy underwear on the Gryffindor tower and it had been his best mate… He'd lie. When he'd been younger and his mother had wanted to know the names of his friends and he knew that she'd berate him if he told her… he'd lie.

It was a system.

And it worked.

His mind worked at the speed of light when it came to lying. He was an incredible actor. He could improvise and think up a story faster than James could scheme a prank. In fact that was what made Sirius a good schemer himself; He thought out everything so fast it was nearly inhuman. He took in every detail of the situation in the blink of an eye and created such a convincing story that the history, the present and the future of that story could never be debated.

So why on earth could he mot look Lydia Johnson in the eye and tell her the most simple of excuses??

_I had a family emergency._

_The books you gave me had nothing on the subject and I obviously couldn't get into the library._

_My fish died._

Nothing seemed to work. The clocks in his brain had jammed and he could no longer picture anything except her accusative glare.

"I… Just… didn't… Do it?" He said lamely shrugging his shoulders.

Lydia glared at him for a moment and then grabbed her books and stormed out of the classroom leaving Sirius alone with Slughorn. While he was immensely relieved she hadn't done anything worse he still didn't entirely trust the look Slughorn was giving him.

* * *

"I'm sure the drop won't affect your mark to much." James said optimistically that night at dinner. Sirius, who wasn't really hungry, forked his mashed potato angrily in reply.

"And it's not the end of the world. I mean, you 'don't do' assignments all the time." Peter said nervously, apprehensive about what Sirius was doing with his fork.

Sirius grunted.

"Why didn't you just do it in the first place?" Remus asked raising an eyebrow. Sirius looked up at him moodily. James and Peter exchanged an 'Are you mad Moony?' look and turned their attention to their rebellious best friend.

Sirius looked from James who was mildly curious to Peter who was still eyeing his fork warily and then finally to Remus who was sporting a disapproving scowl and said; "I'm giving up girls."

The three friends exchanged a surprised glance and Peter said: "But I thought you already had."

"I failed." Sirius said shortly.

"So giving up girls stopped you from doing your essay?" James asked immensely confused.

"No you git… Giving up girls and then failing stopped me from doing my essay." Sirius said banging his head against the table. Remus rolled his eyes; "It's not that difficult to give up girls."

Sirius stopped his head banging session for a moment to glare at Remus, "It's more complicated than that."

"No it's not." Remus replied coolly, "You can't keep your mind above your belt for more than a day."

"A week and it wasn't that!"

"What was it then?" Remus asked folding his arms waiting for Sirius' response expectantly. Sirius gaped for a few moments before waving his hands in the air dramatically: "It's complicated."

"This has something to do with Lydia doesn't it?"

"Yeah well… NO! You got me in the third year with that 'Weird Sisters' fantasy but you will not get me again Moony."

But now there was a devious smile playing at Remus' lips and Sirius knew it was too late. His friend already knew too much.

Sirius glared at all three of them for what seemed like forever. What frustrated him was that it was so highly ineffectual they were all practically eating their hands to keep from laughing.

"FINE! But don't think it's anything… Look, she just said I wasn't charming…"

James burst out into a fit of laughter that made the entire Gryffindor table stare. Sirius who didn't want any attention drawn to the situation shook his head, glaring at James and said: "Too much fire whisky, what can you do?"

"What do you know?" Remus said quietly when James' laughter had died down, "Sirius Black is as acceptable to 'hard to get' as the rest of us."

"No it's not like that… Look it's the stupidest thing in the world but just let me finish my bloody story." Sirius was already getting impatient with the antics of his fellow Marauders. "It just bothered me… because… well because a lot of girls like me."

Sirius knew that it was a snigger worthy comment but five minutes later he found it a bit ridiculous that three people still didn't have a hold on their laughter.

"You alright yet?" He asked sullenly.

"Laughing hysterically." James said still trying to hide a smile, "Please continue."

"Well you remember in fifth year when Remus went out with that really annoying Hufflepuff Henrietta Greenstone?"

"Faintly." A frown had suddenly replaced the grin on Remus' face, "I'm not going to like this story am I?"

"Probably not." Sirius said biting his lip, "Remember how she hated me?"

Remus nodded in confirmation. In the six months he and Henrietta Greenstone had been involved she'd filed at least 65 negative comments towards Sirius, given him foul looks at nearly every opportunity and had even gone as far as to refuse to go out with Lupin if he didn't dissociate himself from Sirius. Though Remus had been very attracted to Henrietta, he wasn't going to ditch one of his best friends. Thus the relationship ended.

"Well I figured… if there was anyone that didn't like me on nearly the same scale as Lydia Johnson it would be her."

Remus rolled his eyes and filled in the gap for Peter and James who were still looking confused, "He snogged her in a broom cupboard."

"It wasn't just snogging in a broom cupboard Moony." Sirius said waving his finger, "It was _consensual _snogging in a broom cupboard."

"I'm still missing something here." James said furrowing his eyebrows.

But Remus understood, his frown deepening as Sirius nodded his head.

"You wasted your entire Sunday with Henrietta Greenstone (the girl that hated you) to prove that even though she hated you she still found your charm irresistible thus Lydia Johnson must have a screw lose somewhere." His frown seemingly etched into his face permanently.

Sirius opened his mouth to reply but stopped and thought more carefully. It was one of Lupin's manipulative skills to make him seem like a smutty man whore that planned completely ridiculous things with no thought to the purpose.

He sighed in defeat and put his chin on the table; "I did say I'm giving up girls for good this time didn't I?"

"You lasted a week." James said with a snigger dipping his spoon into his chocolate pudding fondly, "Why don't you just accept you can't survive without girls?"

"Because they cause me so much bloody trouble!" Sirius exclaimed bitterly, "I've been yelled at, screamed at, whispered at, cried at, had things thrown at my head, been punched in the middle of the Gryffindor common room in front of everyone and now I haven't finished an essay and have a girl that's ready to kill me. If you can remember any other disasters to add to that list, don't hesitate to tell me."

"Hi Sirius." A seductive voice said behind them. They all turned and came face to face with Henrietta Greenstone.

"Henrietta." Remus greeted bitterly.

"Remus." She said in similar tones. She cast a look of distaste at his shabby robes and turned her attention back to Sirius, "listen there's a Hogsmeade weekend coming up. Want to go together?"

* * *

"Add having chocolate pudding dumped on your head to that list." Sirius said later that night picking chocolate pieces from his dark locks miserably.

"Yeah… MY chocolate pudding." James said with a hint of annoyance. Peter however paid James no attention and turned back to Sirius, "but it doesn't make any sense… Why would you be trying to prove a point about being 'absolutely charming' to a girl that you don't even like?!"

"The only girl you don't even like." Remus added.

"I don't know." Sirius exclaimed impatiently, "It just got on my nerves. But it doesn't matter. Because now I don't have to worry about girls finding me charming or anything girl related. Because I'm giving up girls." At their sniggers he added, "And yes I know you think I'll only last another week but this time I'm going to do it. I'm going to simplify my life."

"Assuming you have a life by the time Lydia is through with you." James muttered.

"Well she didn't kill me today which is a pretty good sign." Sirius said throwing himself into his bed with a sigh. James turned to him once more and said; "But that doesn't mean she isn't awake right now plotting your murder for tomorrow."

* * *

**The-Lost-Tear - Yep, Sirius has just got no morals does he getting around with 15 year olds? Ah but his quest begins again and I say this one will last a LOT longer than his last one :) Thanks!**

**fanXforever - Yep :) And now I've updated again (A bit slower i might add as I get slacker lol) Hope you enjoyed it! Thanks!**

**MalcomTalcum - Thanks for the comments (the one's about purple prose and grammar anyway) because I'm trying to work on those now. **

**Paddie'sGirl - Thanks! Yeah i thought it sounded pretty sexy. I actually didn't think of it on my own, my friend and I both thought of it together and now whenever we see each other it's: The names Black... Sirius Black... lol I hope it stays good thanks:)**

**xmusecliox - Yep, James Bond makes me happy, thus i have an unhealthy obsession lol. Good idea! Choccy for the angsty Sirius! (I think he likes this idea) :) Thanks!**

**wishfulwings13 - Thankyou so much! I'm glad you think it's hilarious hugs You know it's been ages since i've found someone who likes the stones! It's refreshing :)**

**Xx-I-Love-The-World-xX - Aw thanks! Thanks for the comment on te Lily thing too I'll spell her name with one l from now on, no idea where i got the 2 l's. I'm glad you liked that little speech from Lydia too he he**

**likewise4me - Thanks:) Ah well the niceness actually has dissipated with this chapter, she'll be a dragon lady again for a little while (but they will get along again soon) and it will have romance in it no worries. I'm thinking of including Lily & James as well but we'll see. Thanks for your great comments!**

**lilmispris - Thanks heaps! I'm glad you're liking it:)**

**funsize - Thankyou!!! (Gosh i need a thesaurus lol) I love angsty bad boy too, he's too difficult to resist:) From now on Lily will appear with one L so thanks for mentioning that :) **

**Down to the bribing :) On offer for reviews for under my thumb will be Chocolate pudding covered Sirius (yum) and all knowing intellectual Remus. :) **


	5. Play with fire Part 1

**A/N My my my, I'm getting to like these little plots popping up in my head. If you don't believe in the payback fairy I'd start believing now because there'll be more than one character getting a visit... It's Sirius this chapter... but next chapter... he he... Anyhow... story... right... Let's get on track. Enough spoilers.**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Harry Potter it would be 'The Marauders' and people would be saying Harry who?  
**

* * *

**Chapter five – Play with fire (Part 1)  
**

Lydia Johnson was determined that she wasn't going to talk to Sirius ever again, as long as she lived.

Albeit she didn't like potions very much, that didn't mean she didn't want to do well, and when she found out from Peter Pettigrew no less that he'd been in a broom cupboard with Henrietta Greenstone when he was supposed to be doing his essay she was a little irked.

He didn't care that it meant SHE received a 25 drop which she really couldn't afford with her terrible potions skills, he didn't care that she wanted to do something great with her life and now her NEWT potions mark was going to be a 'T'

_Jerk face_

And then it occurred to her that there had been a whole heap of essays due that Monday. If he hadn't done his potions, chances were he hadn't done his Transfiguration, or his charms, or his defence against the dark arts…

That was when Lydia Johnson planned a prank of her own.

Well maybe not a prank… more a bit of cruel revenge.

Either way… It wouldn't just be potions that Sirius received a 25 drop on his NEWT course work.

* * *

It was like withdrawal. Admittedly Sirius had never been through withdrawal but if he was to take a guess as to what it was like, he'd say it was like giving up girls. Long, painful, monotonous, twitchy and continuous.

And it didn't seem to get less painful the second time around.

Mainly it was the flirting that had him hooked. He'd wink at a girl from across the room and that night he'd indulge in some fun co curricular activities… What was so wrong with that?

It usually ended up with him being physically abused… right. How could he forget?

It didn't help that he had an entire horde of girls coming up to him at all hours of the day asking if he wanted to go the Christmas ball. In fact one girl went as far as to enter their dormitory at three am in the morning just so no other girls interrupted… She ended up getting James' bed by accident.

And James was going with Lily.

Well maybe not, he claimed he was going with Lily, whether he was actually going with Lily or not was a different story.

The point was however, his week could be summed up in one word: Shitty.

He didn't really expect Friday to be any different. He tried however to be positive; Friday was the day before Saturday…

And usually he would have been spending time with girls on a Saturday…

It went down hill from there.

He got up, splashed his face, dried his face, cleaned his teeth, dressed, walked down the stairs, entered the great hall, set his toast to medium brown…

It started when he entered Transfiguration, when Professor McGonagall told him she needed to speak to him after class. Sirius immediately jumped to the conclusion that it was because of James' artistic skill, and his need to display it on the toilet walls. James however was head boy and head boys didn't graffiti school toilet blocks, therefore Sirius was the culprit… Even if by some chance McGonagall actually caught James in the act he could probably convince her that Sirius had possessed him all along and it was his fault.

_Stupid git._

He didn't pay much attention in that lesson, he spent the majority of the time creating a story that McGonagall would believe. It was difficult for him to prove he was innocent when 'SIRIUS WUZ HERE' was sprayed quite clearly proving the contrary on the doors of each toilet cubicle.

A piece of paper hit the back of his head bringing him back to earth. He checked the front of the classroom to make sure McGonagall was still enthralled in her paperwork and bent down to pick up the small bewitched paper aeroplane. He looked around suspiciously but everyone seemed to be dedicated to their work. It had to be the first time in history; he mused as he unfolded the aeroplane and read the note.

_Sirius,_

_I was just wondering, if you would go to the Christmas ball with me?_

_Emmy xx_

XX?????????????????

EMMY?????????????

EMMY JONES?????

He looked around wildly trying to find said person and found her staring at him from the back of the classroom.

_BLOODY HELL!_

He turned around again, breathing fast. Emmy watched him closely and chuckled yo herself.

Pushing back his fringe he turned around again to make sure it really was _her_ note. He locked eyes with her and mouthed "You?"

She replied instantly, "Yes"

Sirius turned once more. He hated vows. He hated celibacy… Hated hated HATED!

Emmy Jones was the very reason he'd begun to like girls in the first place. He'd met her in second year and had been mesmerised by her charm (like every other boy in the school) from then on. Really, no other girl compared to Emmy Jones.

He had the chance to go to the ball with Emmy Jones?

No, it had to be a joke. It was like Lily and James all over again. Emmy thought he was an immature berk, admittedly he didn't ask her out daily but yearly sure, and she'd never agreed. Not even to a quick walk around the lake (although Sirius' version of walk was very different to most)

How could she be asking him out?

More importantly, why did God have to be so cruel as to let fate play it's course when he was in the middle of celibacy.

He hardly noticed the bell, so when he found students packing up their books and leaving all around he was rather startled. He began to pack up and leave as well, just remembering at the door that he was supposed to talk to McGonagall.

Sighing he turned and walked up to her desk, where she sat patiently waiting for him.

"Professor McGonagall, the graffiti was not my work I assure you-."

"What graffiti?" She asked raising an eye brow so high it reached her receding hair line.

Sirius opened his mouth to feed her his story when he realised what she'd said. Silently berating himself he replied; 'Nothing… Continue."

"Mr Black, I understand that you handed in this essay," She held up a rather short scroll of parchment up for him to see, "on Wednesday. I believe I asked for it on the Monday."

Sirius frowned. Hadn't he said something about his Grandmother dying on the Sunday and being much too distraught to complete it… Or had he used that one on Professor Flitwick?

"My grandmother-."

"Died several years ago." McGonagall interrupted briskly. "You couldn't complete your werewolf essay in third year because you were so… Distraught."

_Damn it!_

"That was on my Father's side… The Grandmother on my mother's side died on Sunday." He said thinking fast. Oh he wished he'd told her the truth about the werewolf essay… This was _NEWT _course work… it was much more important.

"Ah, but when you were admitted to Hogwarts I learnt that your mother had been orphaned as a young child."

_Oh hell no!_

"That's true…" The clocks in his brain clicking away frantically, "she was my mother's carer… so she wasn't really blood related but I always thought of her as a Grandmother."

"Mr Black, your mother was sent to an orphanage at the age of two."

"There was a mistress at the orphanage-."

"Mr Black!" Professor McGonagall interrupted, "take a seat."

Sirius gulped and did as he was told. This wasn't going to be pretty and he knew it.

"I was told by another student that you were in the company of Henrietta Greenstone on Sunday."

_Ffffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucccccccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk_

"And personally I don't think socialising is a very legible reason to not hand me your essay on the due date."

Sirius didn't bother replying.

"I don't want to do this Black but I'm going to have to deduct 25 from your course work."

"Professor-."

"And your charms, defence against the dark arts and Ancient Runes work will receive the same deductions.

Sirius stared at her in horror.

"You're a talented student Mr Black, one of the most talented I've seen. But talent is not a gift, it's a responsibility. You have the responsibility to work hard and do something great."

Sirius' stared at her in shock. He'd been the most brilliant student until Seventh year. The most important year. Bloody fantastic.

"Be grateful it's not 50." McGonagall said waving her finger at him in warning, "It will be next time."

"Professor is there any way I can get the mark back up?" He was in desperation. He wanted… nay, _needed_ to become an auror. He wasn't going to be fighting dark wizards with the maximum of an E for his major subjects.

McGonagall sighed. It seemed that he was asking quite a lot for her to give him more homework… Which to Sirius was surprising, he thought teachers were only happy if they were giving homework.

"You could provide me with another essay on Conjuration AND an apology essay in which you will detail how you are going to change your current state of laziness."

"Due next Friday?" He asked hopefully very much dreading her reply.

"Monday." She said sternly. "You can talk to your other teachers because their work may differ from mine. But I know for a fact that you're going to have a lot of work this weekend… I wouldn't be doing this if you weren't talented Black."

Sirius believed her, he jumped out of his chair thanked her quickly and rushed out of the room to find his other teachers… and then he was skipping Care of Magical creatures to get started.

His great rush was put on halt when Emmy Jones stepped out and tried to get his answer.

"So, what colour dress robes are you wearing? We need to be colour coordinated." She said seductively flashing him a flirtatious smile.

"Huh?" Sirius panted.

"Dress robes…" Emmy waited for it to click but as Sirius glanced up the stairs and around the entrance hall it was obvious he wasn't really paying much attention, "For the Christmas ball are you coming with me or not?"

"Um… can I get back to you?" Sirius asked rushing off as he'd just seen Professor Flitwick headed for the second floor.

He talked to every Professor to whom he owed work. By the end of the day he had 12 essays to do by Monday.

He didn't bother finding Professor Slughorn. He had too much work without potions on top of it all, and, _if_ he and Lydia managed to get to the next step with their Wolfsbane potion they'd have their name on a plaque in the ministry of magic which was better than a regular old 'Outstanding' any day.

That was assuming Lydia hadn't killed him which considering past-

It struck him right there and then.

Lydia Johnson had spilled her guts to all his teachers.

_Bloody hell!_

Now he wished she had killed him.

Why hadn't she just strung him up on a pole and burned him alive? After all, having to reject Emmy Jones for an entire weekend of study and work was twice as bad.

Oh and he'd vowed not to have anything to do with girls… Emmy Jones certainly did count as a girl.

_The_ girl

Right.

He was _still_ going to kill Lydia Johnson.

* * *

**Chocolate pudding covered Sirius and all knowing intellectual Remus for the following: Funsize, likewise4me, lilmispris, xXxFluffy-Pink-Socks, fanXforever, xmusecliox, the lost tear, Indigo Meow, Wishfulwings13, The Singer in White and Paddie'sGirl (With slight variations for those who only wish to have one of those two marauders and those who want Jamesie ;) You guys are awesome! And your thankyous are in the mail this time (literally) lol**

**Reviewers receive seven minutes in heaven with one of the marauders and as my special little offer, an entire block of chocolate (Or a strawberry flavoured cake if you're not much of a chocolate lover)  
**


	6. Play with fire Part 2

**A/N This little play with fire saga will be in three parts because i just couldn't fit payback into two chaps... No pay back this chap! Sorry! But for those who like Lydia confrontations, Marauder conversations and one very sleepy Sirius... ;)**

**Disclaimer: I hate stupid copyrite laws. If they didn't exist I could claim this is all mine... Unfortunately it's not... Well Emmy Jones and Lydia Johnson are mine... And I suppose the plot is mine too... But everything else belongs to J.K Rowling.  
**

* * *

**Chapter six - Play with fire – Part two**

It was a while until he got around to actually figuring out what to do about Lydia. It wasn't until at least Wednesday that week. He was much too busy before then to worry about her, what with the dilemmas (one of which she'd created) he had to deal with.

He finished all twelve of his essays at 4:30 that Monday morning. He'd had one and a half hours sleep on the Friday night and three on the Saturday. Suffice to say, when he slumped into bed that Monday morning at 4:30 he was beginning to see things he assumed were figments of his imagination. If they weren't then Gryffindor tower was in a lot of trouble… Dragons weren't exactly neat guests.

He'd slept for two hours before Remus' alarm clock chimed the beat of 'Help' by the Beatles (as it did every other morning.) Normally he was grumpy enough at being woken up… but considering the circumstances it was lucky Remus still had a face by the time Sirius was finished with him.

"I'll assume you're not coming to breakfast then?" Remus said when he was finished and had pulled the covers back over his head.

He simply grunted moodily in reply.

He managed to live through the first couple of periods (just long enough to hand in his essays anyway) but by the time he'd gotten to lunch he was ready to crawl into the foetal position and die.

"Well at least the withdrawal has subsided." James chuckled.

"Mmmm." Sirius murmured in reply his head falling to the table knocking over the salt shaker in front of him. Lily who was sitting opposite him beside Remus tutted in disapproval.

Emmy Jones caught James and Remus' eye as she left her seat at the Hufflepuff table and headed towards Sirius (who was still snoring softly)

So much for that idea." Remus said raising an eyebrow.

"Sirius." She said as seductively as possible placing her hands on his shoulders and massaging them softly.

Sirius jerked awake with a start, hit his head on the tip of the Pumpkin Juice jug and yelped in pain. James snorted into his shepherd's pie.

"Are you still coming with me to the ball?" She asked fluttering her eye lashes, a technique many people were sure had been practised in front of the mirror for years.

"Uh yeah." Sirius muttered not really paying attention. He blinked blearily for a few seconds before he dropped back on the table to catch a few more moments sleep.

"Ahem." Remus said softly when she'd stalked away.

"WHAT?" Sirius said his head snapping up, a glare so ferocious graced his face Lily winced and made a quick exit, "Ah listen I'll see you guys later." and with that she grabbed her books and rushed away waving quickly at Remus and James.

"She likes me." James said with a goofy grin.

Remus rolled his eyes and turned his attention to more important matters; "I thought you were giving up girls."

"I am." Sirius said blinking experimentally, his eyes seemed to have invisible strings pulling them closed and the only thing keeping them open was movement.

"You just agreed to go to the ball with Emmy Jones."

"Oh well that's- I DID WHAT?" Sirius said, his eyes, clearly, wide open.

Remus flinched and muttered, "Nothing like having a psychopath for a best friend."

Sirius groaned and banged his head against the table. "Stupid… Bloody… git." He said, banging his head at each syllable.

"What's the problem with that? You've liked her for ages. She's pretty nice." James shrugged.

"The problem is Einstein, I gave up girls." Sirius said taking a break from his head banging for a moment to give his brain cells a few seconds to recover before continuing.

"So… Take up girls again." James said boredly.

"I can't! The vow is sacred!" Sirius snapped. "The vow is special! The vow is important!"

"I think you're taking the vow a bit seriously." Remus smirked.

Sirius glared in reply before banging his head a few more times for good measure. "Emmy Jones is hot… Emmy Jones is the top of the social ladder-."

"So shag her like you do every other girl and get over it." James muttered rolling his eyes.

"And where will that take me?" Sirius demanded, "No I'll just get slapped again… or punched whatever suits. Maybe this time some ancient voodoo will be used… No. I've given up girls and that's it."

"And yet Emmy Jones is going to the ball with you." Remus reminded him leaning forward to look right into his eyes, "And there is no way in the world you're going to tell her you won't go with her."

Sirius glared back at him.

"Watch me wolf boy."

* * *

Sirius was much too tired that Monday to deal with Emmy Jones. To be honest he was too tired to deal with the _thought _that he was going to reject Emmy Jones. The thought was shocking alone. Surely there was a clause somewhere in his vow that stated if the right girl did come along he could ditch the vow…

No. The vow was sacred. Screw it. He wasn't going to give up on the vow for a quick shag. No he was going to actually stick with what was more important. And right now it was his 'no girls' policy.

He had no idea why it had suddenly become so important to him. Of course he was sick of dealing with all the complications that came with associating one's self with the opposite sex but it wasn't that alone. He decided it was probably some emotional reason, like actually proving to himself at the very least that he wasn't just a good looking smut who got around with all the girls in school. But then he'd never really been much of a fan of emotional reasoning and all that new age crap. He was a man and all he knew was that it meant something to him. Enough said.

He ignored the fresh pile of homework on his beside table and slumped into bed at seven that night. Peter was down in the common room fretting over his own potions course work, Remus was in the library (although Sirius suspected from the red marks appearing on his friend's neck that he wasn't being entirely honest about his nightly library visits, Moony had always been funny like that… Something about what a bunch of immature berks they were and that they already knew enough about his life without knowing his sordid love affairs as well) and James was on Head boy duty with Lily (which there seemed to be a lot of lately) so he was able to go to sleep rather peacefully that night.

He slept right through until breakfast the next morning. He rose with a new sought energy.

Of course it began to drain when he realised what he had to do.

Emmy greeted him in the entrance hall that morning with zealous energy, planting a kiss on the side of his cheek making Sirius' stomach churn.

_Bloody hell…_

"Er listen…" He said clearing his throat. Great since when did he find it hard to break up with a girl? Oh right… this was Emmy Jones. "I… Well yesterday…"

"Whatever… I have to meet my friends. Bye Siri!" She turned and walked away leaving Sirius standing on the spot bewildered.

_SIRI??? _

"Siri huh?" James laughed at lunch that day. "Well you've really dug yourself in a hole there mate."

"Tell me about it." He muttered miserably. "I'll do it tonight. I'm determined."

"Good luck." James chuckled before shovelling down his mash potato in one go and muttering something about meeting Lily early in the dungeons before double potions so they could work on their project more.

Remus took James' vacant seat and watched as he left the great hall, his bag bumping along beside him at a very brisk pace, "What's his rush?"

"Lily shagging Evans. She'll be the end of the sisterhood I'm telling you now." Sirius warned.

"Like you can talk." Remus replied piling mashed potato onto his plate, "Dumped her yet?"

"Such cold words Moony. I prefer to think of it as: Letting go."

"I'll take that as a no."

"I never said that!" Sirius cried in defence.

"And yet, I'm still thinking the answer's no."

"How do you do that?"

"It's a gift." Remus said shortly.

"I'm going to do it tonight."

"Right… well good luck then."

"Good luck indeed, as if I need good luck to deal with a- Bugger."

As he'd stood up to leave Lydia Johnson had caught his eye. Smirking at him in her superior tone, she strung her bag over her shoulder and stalked off to what Sirius presumed was the dungeons.

"On the other hand I do need luck to deal with that one."

"Figured out your revenge yet?" Remus asked. He'd only heard the short version of what Lydia had done because Sirius had been so absorbed in his essays, but he'd gotten the impression that Sirius was working on some sort of revenge. He was much too predictable at times.

"How do you know these things?" Sirius demanded, Remus raised his eyebrows in his own superior tone and only annoyed Sirius more. Sighing he replied; "I'm working on it. Stop doing that thing where you know what I'm thinking. You're a pain in the arse when you do that."

"Love you too Padfoot." Remus said taking a bite out of his mashed potato as Sirius made his way to the dungeons. He almost passed Emmy on his way… Almost being the operative word as he was much too cowardly not to duck into the boys' bathroom as she walked past.

When he did manage to get to potions Lydia had already set up the cauldron, with many ingredients crowded around it that Sirius was sure weren't in the Wolfsbane potion.

_Dragon blood? That's definitely not in it…_

"What are you doing?" He asked looking at the potions text book bewilderedly. It was open on page 176, _Strong sleeping draught…_

"Working on our NEWT work… One of us has to." Lydia replied frostily.

"We're doing wolfsbane potion." Sirius said holding the text book right up to her nose, illustrating that she didn't have it open at the right page, in fact, seeing as there was no method to Wolfsbane potion she really shouldn't have had the text book open at all.

Snatching the book away (hitting her own nose in the process) she replied in a patronising frostiness that made Sirius want to hide under his bed covers and never _ever_ come out, "We _were_ doing the wolfsbane potion. I got permission from Slughorn earlier this morning to over ride your decision. As we've already received a 25 drop I really don't think we can take any chances."

"So what? We make a sleeping draught? Lydia… We'll get an _E _at the most."

"That's a decent mark." She replied uninterested.

"For you maybe. I was hoping for something more along the 'O' line."

"Well you should have thought about that before you decreased our mark by 25 ."

"Lydia it's an E!" Sirius exclaimed nearing hysterics. He hadn't completed twelve essays to let potions be the downfall of everything. Especially when the girl sitting in front of him was the cause of it all anyway.

"Better than a T." She shrugged.

"If we got to the next step with wolfsbane we'd get an O with honours at the very least… not to mention what the ministry-."

"_If _Sirius _If." _Lydia snapped finally losing her patience, and standing up to face him her hands on her hips, she barely reached his chin but she seized herself up intimidating him none the less, "There's a reason the next step hasn't been discovered yet. It's _difficult._ We're seventh year Hogwarts students… Do you really think we're going to get to the next step if advanced potion brewers all over the world haven't? I'm not that good at potions! And you might be good but you're obviously not willing to work hard enough. We're doing a sleeping draught. Professor Slughorn said it was a good idea considering the circumstances."

Sirius let out a frustrated sigh. Why did Lydia Johnson want to make him suffer? Okay, he should have finished his essay… but god it was just one bloody essay! She was treating him as if he'd killed her children or something. It was idiocy. She was over reacting far too much and being rather melodramatic himself that was saying something.

He considered the rest of that potions lesson a waste of time. All he did was cut up tiny pieces of some green herb he couldn't pronounce. Conversation between him and Lydia had been less than limited. He really hoped that no one ever did something really bad to her… He didn't want to imagine the seizure she'd have if someone ever stood on her toe.

He was in a foul mood when he left the dungeons. A very foul mood. And he was headed straight to the library to fully research wolfsbane potion. By god he was going to finish what he started. Screw the Sleeping draught. Screw Lydia and screw whatever or whoever else got in his way.

Unfortunately, it just happened to be Emmy Jones.

"Sirius!" She exclaimed zealously. "I've been looking for you… It's so good school is finished for the day."

"Mmm… Can I talk to you later?" He said impatiently trying to side step her. She was much too quick for him though and stepped in front of him to block his way.

"Why the hurry? I found a nice little broom cupboard on the fourth floor… it's free and I'm free… Pretty good offer wouldn't you say?"

A kind of fury came over Sirius. In usual circumstances he would have been up in that broom cupboard on the fourth floor with her in an instant. If he'd been under the wrath of the vow he would have had to decline _very_ politely and have one _very_ long cold shower… but it was different. He _actually_ didn't want to be in a broom cupboard with Emmy Jones. All he wanted to do was get to the library and prove Lydia Johnson wrong as soon as possible and then make her pay for turning him in to all the teachers.

"Listen." Sirius said briskly, "You're great but I don't want a girlfriend right now, or a hook up for that matter and I'm pretty sure if we went to the ball together those two things would be on the cards… so sorry.

Emmy stared at him shocked, "You're kidding right?"

"I wish I was but no."

"So… we're not going to the broom cupboard?"

_Is she serious?_

"No." Sirius said slowly illustrating his point by shaking his head. Was Emmy Jones usually so slow?

"And we're not going to the ball together?"

"No!" Sirius said now impatient. How many times did he have to say it? Twice was too many in his opinion.

"But you've liked me since-."

"Second year… Yeah I know. But I'm kind of preoccupied at the moment." And without any further apology Sirius brushed past her and continued his journey to the library.

* * *

**7 mins in heaven with a marauder of your choosing and... CHOCOLATE OR STARWBERRY CAKE!!! I am so very generous :) No I'm not you guys review and you guys deserve so much more. :)**

**Wishfulwings13 - I'm updating, I'm updating! lol Thanks heaps! Hoped you liked this chapter (oh don't we all love little remmy and siri :) )**

**Paddie'sGirl - Did someone say... cookies??? Draco's, Sirius' and Remus'???? THANKYOU!!! Oh yes there will be payback... grins evilly Hope you like this chappie and as you said I'm sure you'll make good use of those marauders ;) Thanks for your review!!**

**Lily Hermione Potter - Mmm i wonder??? Sirius will be doing more things to Lydia next chap but he'll have something to add to his infamous girl disaster list. Payback is sweet :) Thankyou heaps!!!**

**lilmispris - Thankyou! I agree. He needs cheering up, henceforth we have seven minutes in heaven for little siri (Of course he's giving up his no girls status for that... lol)**

**likewise4me - Thanks!! Yes he did deserve it, still Sirius probably doesn't see it that way lol. Hope you like this chap!! I'm updating (i think I'm updating rather faster that i was last time actually if I remember, yay me! Ah holidays are good times)**

**Indigo Meow - I so agree... YAY FOR CHOCOLATE!!! I got some for christmas and my dad ate all... which is a bit of a bummer... anyway that was a tad random... lol It rocked??? Thankyou!!!! **

**xmusecliox - Yes he has underestimated it hasn't he? Very... bad mistake to make... lol I actually kinda hope that when she finishes the Harry Potter J.K decides to indulge in some Marauder focused writing... Gosh It would be good if she was reading this... He he... Killing off his grandmothers... :) Thankyou!**

**funsize - Thankyou! I thought it sounded like him! lol yes hid perfectly sculpted butt... well as it is stated above I'm pretty sure he did... lol Hope you like this chapter! thanks!**

**Anyone who reviews this chapter gets one marauder, a bottle of whipped cream, my eternal thanks, chocolate, cookies and more chocolate. :) What are you waiting for??? REVIEW:)  
**


	7. Play with fire Part 3

**A/N Okay... there are no whoopee cushions... But there is a lot of revenge here. Grrr... I'm annoyed... For some reason the shift signs won't work... I can't use the percent sign or the pretty sparkly star sign. Eh... oh well. Longish chapter this one, hope you enjoy:)  
**

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**Chapter seven - Play with fire - Part three**

He had six pages worth of research and notes by Wednesday morning. He had a number of different theories, and he had at least two different experiments to try. He had to of course get permission from Remus to test them on him (and he wasn't completely sure Remus was going to agree) but he was off to a good start. He thought it was definitely time to indulge in a little payback.

He decided big pranks were all together a bit showy and showy pranks were best left for a team effort, this wasn't a team effort… it was personal.

So he decided an onset of smaller (but effective none the less) pranks were in order. A few of them didn't really qualify as pranks (more cruel revenge really) and others were the classics that he and James had used in the beginning of their marauder days.

He was going to give Lydia one hell of a Wednesday.

* * *

She knew it was going to be a bad day when she fell out of bed that morning, which in her opinion, was much worse than getting out on the wrong side. She hit her head on her bedside cabinet and blood seeped its way across the floor.

She'd never been good with blood.

Panicking she ran to the bathroom to examine the damage.

A cut of about an inch just below her hair line. It was a deep cut which would explain the amount of blood. Head injuries did tend to bleed.

She realised minutes later that continuing to stare at a deep wound when one was not good around blood was a very bad idea. She only just made it to the toilet bowl before she got to see what last night's dinner looked like once she'd swallowed it. Why did there always seem to be carrot? No matter what she'd eaten the night before she always managed to throw up carrot. She giggled at the thought of a little carrot farm in her own belly. What a funny thought.

_Carrot farms? Oi I must have hit my head hard._

It was then that the full pain set in. Groaning she settled on the floor in a messy heap. Her carrot farming induced euphoria was replaced with a thudding head ache.

Footsteps echoed around the bathroom; alerting Lydia to the fact that she was no longer alone.

"Lydia did you leave all that blood on the carpet?"

The voice didn't sound concerned in the least about _why _the blood was on the floor. Lydia could tell by the disgusted tone. Needless to say, she and Heather Brookwood had never been the best of friends.

"I'll clean it up." Lydia said faintly.

"Good. It's disgusting." On that pleasant note Heather turned and left her on her own once more.

She sat in her toilet cubicle for a few moments regaining her composure before holding onto the cubicle door for support and making her way back to her bedside table. Inside one of the wooden drawers was a box of band aids in case of emergencies. Usually she didn't really need them. As a rule she wasn't particularly clumsy. Although her ability to know where to put her feet really didn't stand out with her flying skills. Maybe it was because she wasn't actually using her feet… or maybe it was because she'd never been her best fifty feet in the air… Either way, she left her first flying lesson at Hogwarts with a brand new nickname; while it wasn't an original name it was still emotionally damaging for an eleven year old to have 'Unco' yelled at them every time someone they knew walked past.

Despite her disastrous flying skills however, she knew where to put her feet.

Obviously she was having an off colour day

She tried to cover her band aid with her fringe but in the end became so frustrated with the way it looked she pinned the majority of it back with a bobby pin anyway. She brushed her hair back into as neater ponytail as she could manage, looking at her band aid self consciously.

Yep. It was one of those days.

In addition, she had two new pimples on her chin.

_Lovely. Just lovely._

Cursing adolescence she made her way down to breakfast hoping at least to get through the day in a fairly invisible manner. She was actually quite talented at it.

_One of the many skills of a book worm._

She was stopped just outside the great hall by a sixth year in Slytherin she'd never met before. He was a tall boy with rather funny looking teeth. When Lydia looked hard enough (which she immediately regretted) she realised they looked quite vampire like.

"Hi I'm Lawrence." He said shortly.

Lydia nodded. Usually she had better conversational skills but the boy had startled her and she wasn't quite sure if she was on even ground.

"I was just wondering if you'd like to go the ball with me."

Lydia's jaw dropped to the ground. She wasn't accustomed to being asked out by boys… Let alone boys she hadn't even met. As a rule she was quite pretty. People always admired her blonde hair and she had been granted with nice teeth (unlike Lawrence who had clearly not been gifted genetically in the orthodontic department) but that was on a good day. Although she would never say it out loud on a good day she could probably get a boyfriend quite easily (provided that sort of thing went on looks alone) but that was just it. It was a bad day and those sorts of things didn't just go on looks alone. She was a book worm. Not a completely confidence derived type of bookworm but a book worm none the less. An opinionated, weird bookworm (although in her own defence she had long since stopped giving presents to teachers on their birthdays) She liked to keep to herself and do her own thing. Her trust list started and ended with Lily Evans. She didn't have any connections and to be perfectly honest she really didn't want to be with anyone that didn't meet her 'Prince Charming' standard. She was not in any sense of the word 'Easy going' and she didn't have the ability to 'keep it light.' So how someone she didn't even know could come up to her and ask her to the ball she didn't know. Why on earth had he been admiring her from afar?

"Uh… Well I…"

Part of her felt somewhat obliged to go with him. After all, he had worked up the courage to ask her… and who was she to turn him down? She didn't have anyone else to go with.

"I guess I'll go with you." She shrugged.

"You want to?" He asked raising his eye brow.

"Uh yeah okay." She replied wondering if all boys were so self conscious. It wasn't as if she were going to joke around with something so serious.

Apparently however, he was.

His raised eye brow turned into a smile… She thought it might just be the joy of not being rejected at first, but then it changed into a smile she didn't trust. From there things got worse… His smile turned into a smirk.

Lydia was pretty sure that wasn't a good sign on her part.

"Go with you? You've got to be bloody kidding me!" With that, he snorted at her and left her standing open mouthed at the entrance to the great hall.

Her first instinct was to cry, but that, if possible, was almost more embarrassing and humiliating than what she'd just been through. So muttering a soft 'Jerk' to herself she walked through the doors and seated herself next to her dorm mate; Jane.

Things only got worse.

She was pretty sure that a wooden stool was not meant to feel soft and squishy. Panicking she jumped up and examined her seat.

Either fate or God were out to get her.

A glob of Marmalade was on her seat. She looked at the Slytherin boy with vampire teeth who was seated a few meters away but he was paying about as much attention to her as he was to the pot plant just beside the door.

"How did that get here?" Lydia demanded trying to keep her voice on an even keel. Jane shrugged and retuned to the conversation she was having with her boyfriend of the month.

Some dorm mate she was.

Abandoning breakfast she rushed to the toilets and rubbed frantically at her back side. She didn't like the concept of sticky robes. She didn't like the concept of dirty robes either. And seeing as she only had one set until that Friday she was even more worried that she'd have to go through more than one day being both sticky and unclean.

She heard giggles behind her. She turned furiously and two first years tried to hide their mirth, stuffing their robes into their mouths and looking up at her guiltily, tears of laughter rolling down their cheeks. Lydia recognised one of them (The chubby freckled one) as one of the first years she'd sent to bed early a few nights before.

"What?" She asked moodily.

"Do you have your…" The chubby little girl looked at her, before looking back at her friend as if scared to say it. Her brown eyes wide with fear.

A moment later however they both fell into their fit of giggles once more. Finding the subject not at all scary but rather very funny.

"No, but in a few years you will and you won't be laughing."

They laughed at her words even more if that was possible. The small Indian girl accompanying the chubby girl lay on the floor kicking up her legs in laughter. Lydia watched her, an eyebrow raised. Surely it wasn't _that_ funny.

"You're funny." The chubby girl giggled.

"Yeah real funny." Lydia told them before ditching her marmalade removal and pushing open the door; "Funny like your face."

Hearing their giggles at her departure she pulled her bag open in search for her potions books.

Did cliché bad days like this really happen in real life? She'd read about them in a fictional novel some where but this was just a bit much.

Her bag had been filled with a blue liquid that smelled a lot like Dragon dung. She pulled a spare piece of parchment from it and it flared alight. Jumping back startled, she watched as the parchment burned into a blue lump of mush.

Well that was a new one.

She was late to potions that morning. Mainly because she'd had to return to her common room to get some more parchment (and to blow dry her books one of which burst into flame as soon as she pointed at it with her wand.) and less importantly because she'd been making sure her band aid wasn't too conspicuous.

Of course, it was.

Slughorn didn't seem to mind too much. He gave her the generic 'This class started five minutes ago' line and sent her to her desk. As soon as she got to there however things reached another fizzle point.

"Well hello there. You look worse for wear." Sirius smirked. She caught a glimmer of mischief in his eye and for a brief moment the thought crossed her mind that Sirius had been the one who'd put flammable blue slime in her bag and had given her a marmalade bottom (Lily's choice phrasing)

She looked down at the cauldron expecting to see red water simmering calmly, instead what resembled concrete was letting off purple bubbles.

"What did you do wrong?" She exclaimed checking the text book. He hadn't even opened it.

"Well technically when you're not following a method, you can't do anything wrong." Sirius said simply.

"What do you mean…?" It was then that she saw the pieces of parchment staring up at her quite innocently from the desk.

"Theory one?" She asked inaudibly.

"Pardon?"

"THEORY ONE?" She exploded causing others to stare, "Sirius we're doing a sleeping draught!!! I told you that yesterday…"

"And I ignored you and continued on my merry way with our wolfsbane potion."

"Do you have any research to support these claims or did you just decide to throw a bit of everything in?" She asked folding her arms, her nostrils flaring.

"Well you know… I thought Unicorns tail was a safe bet so I added a bit of that and then there was the whole debate over which coloured Krazzaz crystal was the prettiest. I decided on pink… I had you in mind." He picked up a large wad of parchment and thrust it into her chest. "Is that enough research for you band aid head?"

"Band aid head? What are you eight?" Lydia snapped more irritated by the fact his research notes were actually rather well studied and were written in a very sophisticated language. They were so impressive she almost considered giving him a chance. Until she remembered how unlikely it was that they'd actually get to the next step.

"Five and a half next July." Sirius replied with a smirk turning his attention back to his purple bubbles.

"Well even so." Lydia said still regaining her composure, "This research doesn't mean we're going to hit the jackpot. And there are other problems: Firstly we don't have a werewolf to test. Secondly, if we did we wouldn't know what to look for."

"Firstly, the idea is to send it to one of the labs in the ministry." Sirius lied through his teeth; he'd spent an entire two hours working on that lie. He didn't want the infamous 'I haven't done my homework' fiasco to overcome him in Lydia's presence again, "and secondly, if we _did _by some chance have a werewolf we'd be looking for an increase in volume of the howl. Probably of about two and a half decibels. Not much and it's hard to detect but that's what we'd be looking for."

He _had_ done his homework.

"How on earth did you find that out?" Lydia exclaimed trying to hide how impressive she found his knowledge by raking through his study notes.

"I think I scaled through about twelve books paragraph by paragraph. Needless to say I've never done so much homework in one night… Well, except for last weekend." He threw her a dark look; Lydia hurriedly returned to the notes and hoped she didn't give away the fact that it had been her that had turned him in. She didn't like to dwell on atomic explosions too much.

"Well even so." She said recovering quickly, "It takes years for those labs to get back to people. I sent in a potion a couple of years ago for them to test and they got back to me this summer with the promise that they'd have it tested within the next five years. Actually I'd forgotten about it."

_Why oh why did god give you so much intellect?_

Sirius thought about it for a few seconds. He hadn't thought about that. He prayed for a lie to grace his lips (gracing his mind first would have been nice but he wasn't picky) Once again however, he couldn't lie. One glance at her expression, one look at the way she was impatiently waiting for his reply and his mind jammed.

Thank, _God_ for best mates.

James, who seemed to be listening in to their conversation, stepped up to the plate; "But mate you have that Uncle, who works in the labs. Remember how we went there last summer? I'm sure he'd get it tested quickly."

Luckily, Lily was up the front of the class being admired by Slughorn because she would have pointed out the big flaws in that lie. For s start, Sirius' _one_ uncle was a deranged lunatic locked away in Azkaban for muggle torture… and even if he had worked for the ministry, with Sirius' popularity in the home, it was unlikely he would have helped Sirius in any shape or form. Lydia however, who didn't know this, looked quite impressed. For a moment Sirius had though he'd won… But of course, nothing was ever that easy with Lydia.

"And what if we don't make it? I get a T in my NEWT course work for potions."

Sirius sighed.

_Does she ever give in?_

"Actually you'll get a D."

"Oh wonderful." Lydia said bitterly slapping his notes back on the table. He knew quite enough about human emotions to figure that slapping down of the potions notes was a bad sign. "I'm not going to risk a D!"

"But…" And suddenly it struck him.

Why hadn't he thought of that before?

He'd just seen two empty cauldrons lying on the shelf unused. The two of them sitting together had opened a whole saga of opportunity.

"What if." He started, trying to reason with his voice alone, "I worked on this… and you worked on a sleeping draught."

"Have separate potions?" She asked confused.

"No. We'd still be partners and we'd still have the one project… we'd just be working on two different potions."

Lydia raised an eyebrow waiting for him to continue.

"So when it comes time to hand in this course work, if by some miracle (your own choice phrasing right there) I actually managed to complete the wolfsbane potion we could hand that in, but if I didn't we'd still have the sleeping draught to fall back on."

"But… that still leaves holes. I am possibly one of the worst potions brewers in the world… I only got in this class on my theory work. I can't do this without help."

"I'll help you." Sirius said waving it off.

"But… well what if you do actually manage to complete this wolfsbane potion? Then I'll feel like I've done nothing to contribute."

It was then that the second brilliant idea of all time flashed in Sirius' mind. He jumped out from behind his desk and made his way to the front of the classroom where Slughorn was seated admiring a flask of purple liquid. The flask was labelled 'Lily Evans' so it was no wonder Slughorn was admiring it.

"Ahem." Sirius said.

"Oh… Mr Black." Slughorn placed the flask carefully on the desk in front of him, "What do you want."

"If by some chance Lydia and I completed two potions for our coursework, would that earn back the 25 percent?"

Slughorn raised his eyebrow analytically. He took his glasses from their safe spot (next to Lily's flask) and put them on his nose to stare at Sirius inquisitively. Sirius would have loved to have a camera handy to capture each different expression… they were all as classic as the next. The man even went as far as to bare his teeth and wrinkle his nose. In fact it went from hilarious to terrifying. Sirius wondered if he was going to explode at the mere suggestion of something so absurd.

Finally he curled his chubby hands into a ball and replied, "There is a reason the task requires the students to complete only one potion Mr Black."

"I'm aware of that." Sirius said impatiently, "But if, theoretically, by some chance we did manage to do it, would it earn us back that 25 percent?"

Another long minute Slughorn spent looking at Sirius with further terrifying expressions. Some of which Sirius was sure were responsible for the stone figures in the entrance hall.

"Yes. In fact you would probably receive bonus marks."

"Is that allowed?" Sirius asked quickly.

"Well yes." Slughorn yes without hesitation. Sirius stared at him taken aback. There had been no terrifying expressions and he had not needed even a second to ponder; "My boy it would make me proud to see two Hogwarts students complete two potions for their NEWT coursework. Very proud."

Sirius left the teacher's desk that lesson thinking that Slughorn was far stranger than he and James gave him credit for.

* * *

Lydia left potions with mixed emotions. Her day so far could be summed up in one word: Crap.

And although she and Sirius had sorted out their potions debate (she still wasn't entirely happy with their arrangement, if Sirius didn't have the intense and unwavering need to do everything _his_ way life would have been a whole heck simpler) it meant that they now had to do double the work they were doing before. The thought of a pass mark in her Potions work really did seem appealing, but she had quite enough Transfiguration to keep her busy for several life times and the thought of double potions was retch worthy.

To make matters worse, when she left charms that morning, someone pointed out that she had a note stuck to her back.

It read: _Love me (Someone has to)_

_Well that does explain why Geoffrey Bruck kept blowing me kisses…_

Now past the point of annoyance and anger and fast reaching the point of misery, Lydia made her way to lunch missing an appetite. She wanted the day to be over so she could slump into her bed that night and dream of a hot tropical island equipped with palm trees and Prince Charming.

She was brought out of dream land quite harshly when Grace Parker leaned across the lunch table and asked in a very superior tone; "Is that a 'Making hurties fun' band aid?"

Lydia groaned. Her five year old brother had helped her pack that term. While she did appreciate his help and did relish in the fact that they had a very good relationship considering they were brother and sister she really didn't think she could ever forgive him for packing 'Making hurties fun' band aids. Well not until the image of Grace Parker smirking at her across the pumpkin juice jug had subsided anyway.

"Yeah." She said shortly.

"Oh… Didn't you have any others?" Grace asked, her friends sniggering beside her.

"Of course I had others!!! I just decided to sport these ones so I could walk down the corridors singing 'You've got a hurty… I've got a hurty… Let me make your hurty fun!"

Apparently Grace wasn't used to sarcasm because she exchanged a look with her friends and they all sniggered.

That was when Lydia decided to ditch lunch and head straight to Madame Pomfrey for a quick scrape fix.

She didn't expect anyone to actually be in the hospital wing. The corridors certainly looked crowded enough and she'd never really seen the hospital wing too crowded.

"I'm sorry dear I just don't have time to look at anyone right now." Madame Pomfrey said sympathetically, issuing to the rows of beds simply filled with sick students.

"It's a nasty out break. I suppose it is because of the weather but goodness anyone would think someone had purposely introduced these children to viruses."

"But It's only a scratch… it would take you three seconds-."

"You have it nicely bandaged; make sure it's clean… I simply don't have time." And with that she rushed to the side of a second year spluttering, in Lydia's opinion, in a far more exaggerated manner than he should have been.

So trudging down the stairs in what she hoped looked like a dejected down heartened manner (just so anyone watching might have the chance to feel sympathetic) she made her way to Transfiguration where she dreaded the homework load.

She was about five feet away from the classroom when what felt like ropes grabbed her feet and pulled her backwards on the floor. Her books flew out of her hands and landed near a statue of armour.

Another hour another disaster… that was her motto for the day.

She looked down at her feet and did half expect to see brown coils around them. But of course all she saw were her grey socks, slightly lower than they should have been around her ankles, her polished black shoes staring at her innocently.

_Enough with the personifying already!!!_

Well at least she was back to her anger stage again. Misery was but a distant memory. Grabbing her books furiously she pushed open the doors and ran straight into Professor McGonagall.

"Professor." Lydia spluttered, once more on her back, once more with people laughing at her and her books, clearly, once more strewn on the floor.

_Oh bloody hell!  
_

"Miss Johnson." The Professor said sternly straightening her glasses, "Maybe you need to invest in some glasses as well as a watch. This lesson started-."

"Five minutes ago." Lydia said sitting up gathering her books around her once more, "Yeah I've been getting that a lot lately."

She grabbed a desk to support her weight but massively misjudged its strength and ended back on her back.

_The story of my life._

That was when she caught sight of Sirius. His desk adjacent to the one that had just collapsed with her weight, leaning back in his chair flashing her one of his most mischievous smiles.

And then it clicked.

"You did all this!" She roared.

"Miss Johnson control yourself!" McGonagall snapped.

Sirius' expression was very strange. He looked as if for a moment he'd considered, the shoulder angel that had pleaded with him to empathise with another human being for once in his life… and then on the other hand he looked as if he was going to burst out laughing at any moment.

_He probably only feels guilty because I went along with his plans in potions._

_Git._

"Did you do all this?"

"Oh now it's a question?"

Lydia glared at him, feeling the urge to grab the heaviest textbook she could find and strike him repetitively.

"I'm only asking so your lips can confirm what you're eyes are already telling me."

"Well in that case I'm not going to bother justifying that question with an answer. Because no matter what my lips do my eyes have already given you the answer you need."

"Jerk face!" Lydia exclaimed.

"If you both are finished can I continue with my class??" McGonagall asked now looking murderous. Sirius smirked as Lydia turned to leave.

"No Professor I don't think I'm quite done." And with that Lydia turned and slapped Sirius across the face.

Everyone (excluding Professor McGonagall who had now withdrawn her wand) went silent. No one moved and no one seemed to breathe. Even Sirius looked startled. Until of course, the full sensation of his stinging cheek had impact.

"What the _hell_ was that for?" Sirius asked touching the now red mark tentatively, "You started it."

"Started what?!"

"Now that's enough!! Miss Johnson you are on detention-."

"_This! _You told all the professors that I didn't have a decent explanation for my late assessments."

"Because you _didn't."_

"Now really, that is _enough_!"

"So what? You didn't have to dob me in!"

"You sound like a five year old!!! Oh, I told tattle tales on poor little Ickle Sirikins."

James was now in hysterics at a neighbouring table and seemed to have lost the ability to breathe what with his laughing. Professor McGonagall paid him no attention turning redder by the minute as Sirius and Lydia argued.

"What about you! I play a few harmless pranks and you act like the bloody world is coming to an end!"

"Your education will be coming to an end if you don't stop this minute!"

"There was no need for it Sirius!! Surely you're more mature than that!"

"More mature than you, you mean? Dobbing me in because you were peeved off about your 25 percent drop."

"Which is a reasonable thing to be mad about considering you were snogging Henrietta bloody Greenstone when you were supposed to be finishing that bloody essay!"

"Oh right I get it. You're jealous."

"Oh well of course that would be the answer!!! No of course… I couldn't be annoyed by the fact you caused a considerable drop in my potions mark… no, no I _must_ be jealous because you were snogging Henrietta Greenstone. Because lets face it you're just so damn irresistible."

Henrietta Greenstone was a very dark shade of red

"What must it be like to be someone shallow like you Sirius? Can't you think about anything else but sex for just one day?!"

"As a matter of fact I can. I did all that research for potions didn't I? Oh and I planned all these pranks I suppose as well."

"Well done. Why don't you put it on your resume beside 'Annoying berk.'?"

"Can't you find the funny side of my jesting?" Sirius asked in mock humour, "Everyone else can."

"No I can't, it's immature and I think it's a big deal when I have these things happening to me for no apparent reason."

"You stress so much over these stupid little things!!! I wouldn't want to imagine the head implosion you'd have if someone ever-."

"QUIET!"

Lydia and Sirius' heads both snapped up to Professor McGonagall who was now a purple colour.

"My office. Now." She said simply.

* * *

**One marauder of choice, one bottle of whipped cream (feel free to use it with or without the marauder of your choice) my eternal thanks (you guys really are simply the best) chocolate, cookies (of your personal flavour, my favourite is the Sirius Remus combo cookie) and more chocolate to the following: baby blue eyes10, Paddies'Girl, Wishfulwings13, xmusecliox, iloveskaterboys, Indigo meow, StarLightStarBright567, fanXforever, The Lost Tear, funsize, Lily Hermione Potter and lilmispris. Thankyou so so so so so much. You make writing worth while :) (your personal thankyous are in the mail, as it seems to be working again (mine crashed and went crazy, but I've suddenly got a while heap of fan emails so I'll assume it's working))**

** Anyone who reviews this chapter (I'm fast running out of creative marauder bribes _bites nails) _Gets a free hot tub (those things are expensive, I was looking at the prices the other day for my Aunt) TWO marauders of their choosing and a choc chip vanilla sundae (or for those who like mint a choc chip peppermint sundae)**

**Please review!!!!!! Please please please please please. :) It only takes a second and you get so much in return:)  
**


	8. Mixed Emotions

**A/N Goshy I'm tired. I really am going to fall over with fatigue... And I have no idea why!!! Ah life is so hard when one is tired!!! Enough of my dramatising, I'm not entirely sure of this chapter (so please be nice :) It is in every sense of the word: Mixed emotions. But then really Lydia and Sirius do have mixed emotions don't they??Anyhow, read and see what you think. :) If it's badly edited blame it on my coma like state of sleepiness (Excuses excuses I know :) )  
**

* * *

**Chapter eight – Mixed Emotions**

The silence that rang through Professor McGonagall's office was incredible. The air seemed to be the only thing Lydia could hear… which really made no sense. Did air make noise? Wind certainly did… But air was still… There was probably a perfectly good scientific explanation for it all but Lydia was too grumpy and annoyed to care. The air was making noise. End of discussion.

Even Sirius seemed to be silent for once. He simply sat low in his chair with his arms folded; pouting angrily.

_He must go to an effing pouting school to get that tantrum look perfect!_

She had no intentions of saying sorry for the red mark now plastered across Sirius' cheek. If she had spoken to him, he would have said: "Oh don't worry. Just another battle scar. This war between the sexes is never ending so I've got to get used to it don't I?' As those were his exact thoughts on the matter.

The bell rang through the silence like a piercing scream bringing with it a sense of reality and of course, the rather red faced Professor McGonagall.

Lydia had never seen her so angry before. Livid was a better word. Livid. Furious. Enraged. They were all better words, because the expression on McGonagall's face, really, couldn't quite be justified with the word; angry.

She sat down at her desk with a swish of her robes and began writing. Lydia half expected it to be a letter to Dumbledore detailing their misbehaviour. Before she or Sirius could object they would be on the train home that afternoon.

She often stopped writing to throw them furious stern looks. Had she not been so furious herself, Lydia would have by now burst out crying with the tension. It really was terrifying. She longed more than ever to read what McGonagall was writing, but as Sirius had had the same wish earlier, had taken a small peak to put his desires at rest and had been shot a furious 'Don't you dare' look by the Professor, Lydia had no intentions of finding out.

Finally, after what seemed like a decade but had in actual fact only been three minutes, McGonagall looked up from her quill, furiously, pushed out her chair and stood menacingly in front of them. Both knew it was probably time to start explaining or grovelling, or preferably a combination of the two, but neither had any intention to do so as they were still quite defiant.

"You both acted… _Very_ immaturely in my classroom."

More silence. It seemed to be the flavour of the day.

"I expected more from the both of you… And yes Black." She added as his head snapped up in confusion, "I do still hold high expectations for you, even if you are somewhat of a trouble maker."

'_You don't have to tell me.' _Lydia thought bitterly.

"I don't know what the incentives were for acting the way you two did; I also don't want to know. What I _do_ want to know is that in future, you will both keep your heads down very low in my class and not make even the smallest of interruptions. Is that possible?"

"Yes Professor." They each said stiffly.

"It was a lack of control." She looked as if she was going to continue with a long, drawn out lecture on control, maturity and polite confrontations. Instead, she stopped, looked at them sternly for a moment or two and said; "Take these notes." She issued to the ones she had written, "To Professor Slughorn. I'm far too busy to deal with such petty and disappointing acts of immaturity today. You will see him in the dungeons, at eight o'clock this evening for your detentions, as you will do for the rest of the week. Now go."

They did, without a further word to her or each other. If there hadn't been so much fury in the air Lydia thought it might have been slightly awkward. Walking along side each other in such close proximity, without speaking at all. It was the makings of great awkward moments. Instead it was just a great angry moment.

They reached the dungeon (still without a word to each other) and Slughorn gave them his increasingly disturbing 'glances' (Each of which more disturbing than the next) before saying: "I want every cauldron in this room spotless."

They nodded.

"I want the ingredients restacked and reordered neatly."

They nodded.

I want the desks wiped clean."

They nodded again.

"And the floor is to be sparkling."

They nodded… Yet again.

"And I want all these things… without the use of magic."

With some groaning from Sirius they nodded.

They were at the door when he spoke once more: "And I don't want you working with each other. You've been disputing your work in class, but if it has escalated to this then I don't see how either of you can work together in a civil manner. I have a pair in a similar situation. Fred Gooble and Jessica Parks. Lydia, you will work with Gooble, and Sirius, you will work with Parks. Eight O'clock. Don't be late."

Sirius and Lydia looked at each other with confused expressions. Had they really just scored themselves new potions partners? It didn't happen often. Not so far into the project.

After a few moments of confused staring it seemed apparent that it was indeed possible. Slughorn had not looked up from his desk to say 'Just kidding guys… Did I get ya? Did I? Did I? Huh? Huh?'

When they were well out of ear shot, Lydia opened her mouth to speak but Sirius beat her to it; "Don't you dare."

"Dare what?"

"Start again."

"I'm not starting… You started it in the first place."

"No _you_ did and I'm not having this argument again."

"Well good then." Lydia said frostily, "Stay away from me in future."

"That's not a problem, have a nice life."

"Have a shit life."

With that they both departed. Lydia stomping all the way to her dormitory where she would spend the remainder of the evening in bed. What else did one do after the worst day of their life?

* * *

The next day was much better. For a start, Lydia's bedside cabinet was several feet away from her bed, so there was no way in the world she was unlucky enough to trip on it. The cut on her head looked much better and no longer needed a 'Making Hurties' fun band aid and breakfast was executed without hide or hair of one Slytherin or marmalade glob. 

She attended transfiguration and wrote notes for the entire lesson obediently. She didn't bother looking over at Sirius to see if he was doing the same… Because frankly she didn't give a damn.

Well maybe that was a lie… She was actually hoping that he was causing some sort of ruckus and that Professor McGonagall would expel him… But that was a bit ambitious.

In Charms, she mastered the charm they were practising within seconds. Ancient Runes was interesting and she answered every question asked correctly.

She went to lunch feeling very proud of herself. She sat by herself and got absorbed in a book on witch burning. Things were good… Quiet, but good.

She awaited potions that afternoon nervously. Her good luck could have been coming to an end at any minute… It was very possible that Fred Gooble was just as bigger prat as Sirius Black.

She was greeted by Slughorn as soon as she entered the dungeons that afternoon. He gave her a detailed explanation of who Fred Gooble was (He was in Hufflepuff and had pleasing marks in potions. Detailed) before leading her to a table out of view in the corner of the room.

Fred Gooble, who had been hunched over his cauldron, turned and greeted her with a smile.

An honest genuine smile.

Lydia almost fell over.

"Lydia Johnson meet-."

"Frederick Gooble." He said with a smile reaching out to shake her hand. Unsure if she was capable of normal movement, Lydia slowly extended her hand. It wasn't a very hearty hand shake. Fred (or Frederick as he apparently preferred) gave her hand a little shake and immediately turned to Slughorn and said 'It's coming along nicely sir."

"Good, good," Slughorn said with a nod, "I'll leave you two to work then shall I?"

They both nodded.

Once he left, an awkward silence filled the air. Lydia simply sat waiting for direction as to what they were to do. Frederick didn't seem to be ready to give it, so she sat and looked him over. Everything about him seemed to emit a neat and tidy feel. His hair wasn't messy, neither was his uniform. He had watery blue eyes that seemed serious and honest and the way he was attending to his potion seemed to suggest he was quite serious about his work.

"So er, what are we… um working on?"

_Wow, your vocabulary sounds amazing! Good one Lydia!_

He turned and looked at her surprised, as if he'd only just noticed she was there and replied: "A sleeping drought. Always a safe bet wouldn't you say?"

"Yeah I would." Lydia said with a smile.

_More silence…_

"So, is there anything I can… do?"

"Uh… you could stir this while I cut up some ingredients." He replied handing her the stirring rod and getting up.

That was how the rest of her potions lesson was spent. Stirring. She didn't really mind as she got to sit and day dream about Frederick's wedding proposal while she stirred.

She left the dungeons that afternoon, sure that the romance pond was closer to her feet than she thought it had been.

* * *

Sirius was going through hell. His partner (Jessica Parks) was beyond useless. It was really quite scary… How she had managed to scrape an OWL in potions was beyond him. She was a quiet Slytherin with an uncharacteristic warmth about her. The minute they'd been introduced Sirius couldn't help thinking that she might not be too bad. 

But as the lesson went on reality stepped in. She was only interested in staring at him uncomfortably. When he asked her questions they had to be asked twice for her to notice and while she agreed to do the Wolfsbane potion, he was pretty sure it was only because she was dreaming about how romantically he would propose to her.

Normally he would have suggested they go out (he was sure she would have accepted him in a heartbeat) but he wasn't in the mood. She wasn't anywhere near as good looking as Emmy Jones and as he'd turned her down, he really couldn't justify asking anyone out.

"So, you would prefer Lydia to Jessica?" James asked that night at dinner.

"God no… No she's… No." Sirius said, finally resting on a simpler answer and stuffing himself on mashed potato.

"The only girl that could resist you is out of your life." Remus said with a sigh.

"What do you mean the only girl that could resist me? More like the only girl I know that, uptight, bossy and annoying!"

"And she didn't find you charming." Remus said with a grin.

"What's your point?" Sirius asked with a frown.

"I don't have one. I just find it funny to deflate your head." Remus said with a shrug.

"Thanks mate." Sirius said with a sarcastic smile.

"Does it still bother you then that she doesn't find you charming and thinks you're a git?" James asked.

"No." Sirius replied now scoffing down his steak, "She's uptight, bossy and annoying and frankly, as her opinion is so warped, I'd be more worried if she was praising me. Can we drop it now?"

The other three Marauders exchanged a glance and nodded in agreement, James conveniently changing the subject to his latest Quidditch tactics. Peter and Remus listened in interest to what he was saying about the sloth roll but Sirius found it hard to concentrate. He was thinking about his upcoming detention in the dungeons.

The previous night had proven very frosty. He and Lydia had cleaned every single cauldron by hand in silence. He was well used to detentions with James being rather enjoyable; Talking and laughing as they worked. But detention in silence almost made him consider not getting on detention in the first place. It was quite the punishment.

He made his way to the dungeons at eight, leaving the other three marauders behind in the common room. James was executing a prank that night on a few unsuspecting third years and he was quite disappointed to miss it. After all; all he'd be doing instead was spending time in the company of someone he regarded about as highly as his mother.

Lydia was already reordering Krazzaz crystals when he got there. He remembered the snipe he'd taken at her about pink Krazzaz crystal and chuckled. Lydia turned quickly at his amusement and gave him a questioning look before scowling. He made an equally unpleasant face in reply and positioned himself at the other end of the store cupboard.

_Immature berk. Now he's making faces at me like a two year old!_

Lydia looked at him angrily as he started to sort though jars of green pixie scales, annoyed at his presence… Not that she could avoid it of course… Unless something happened to him… Like he tripped on a jar or something _accidental_ like that.

She discreetly rolled a jar towards him with her foot.

He side stepped and kicked it back with a smirk.

No such luck.

"Trying to kill me now?" He asked, "You already slapped me in public."

"That's not murder. I thought we weren't talking."

"I consider this sniping."

"Right." She said sarcastically bottling something brown and slimy with disdain, "Well have fun with that, because I refuse to communicate with you; sniping or otherwise."

"This is considered communicating."

"I hate you."

"So is that."

"You're so immature."

"And you just said you hated me…"

"That's not immature… it's just honesty."

"That's debatable."

Lydia rolled her eyes. If he thought that there was the_ slightest_ chance that she didn't hate him then he was obviously immature AND delusional.

Sirius found he was decreasingly angry with her. Only half an hour before hand he'd been verbally abusing her to his fellow marauders in quite serious terms… Now he found himself thinking the same things in quite a humorous term. Frowning he turned to her and asked:

"Still angry?"

Lydia turned on him irritated.

"About yesterday? Mildly. About you making faces at me? Very."

"Faces?" Sirius asked with a mocking grin.

"Yes." Lydia replied, "Faces."

"What like this?" Sirius asked pulling down his eye lids and sticking out his tongue.

An urge to double over with laughter came over Lydia in a wave. It was such a silly thing to laugh about and she found herself above suck immature humour… But she couldn't stop the small grin that slid across her face.

"You're such a kid." She said shaking her head, but still grinning.

"You're the one laughing."

"Smiling." Lydia replied, resisting the urge to break out into laughter, "There's a difference."

And that was all it took to set her off. She let out a peal of laughter that was so infectious Sirius soon found himself laughing. If anyone had told her that twenty four hours from her dramatic fight with Sirius Black, she would be laughing with him quite civilly in the potions store cupboard, she would have given them the taxi fare to the psychiatrist.

Sirius couldn't help but notice how pleasant she looked when she smiled and laughed naturally. She had a full smile and her face seemed to light up with humour.

"I still hate you." She said finally, but it was said with such false conviction neither of them really believed it.

"Hate is such a strong word… Haven't we moved on to the 'Immensely dislike' stage?"

Lydia rolled her eyes but it was done in good humour. "Fine. I immensely dislike you."

"What would I have to do to get to the 'Barely tolerate' stage?"

"Resort all these Krazzaz crystals."

"That's too much work. What if I just did this?" He pulled his ears and puffed out his cheeks in a monkey impersonation. Again Lydia fought the urge to laugh but failed miserably and had no chance of hiding her mirth.

"I barely tolerate you." Lydia said shaking with laughter.

"That's better." Sirius said with a grin, satisfied with his success.

"Well what stage am I at then?" She asked folding her arms and looking expectant.

"Most annoyingly, bossy and uptight girl I've ever met."

"Well I might keep it that way… I'd feel ashamed if Sirius Black spoke highly of me."

"Funny I said something similar about you."

Lydia smirked. Suddenly all their arguing seemed rather… amusing. Maybe she wasn't as angry as she thought she was. Or maybe mulling it over for twenty four hours had given her a sense of calm. Not that she'd been mulling it over, because frankly she didn't give a damn about Sirius Black. Well, maybe a tiny bit… now.

They worked in a comfortable silence for about ten minutes before Sirius turned and said: "So do you feel proud?"

"Of?" Lydia asked confused.

"Being the… Oh… sixty second girl that's ever been violent towards me."

"Very." She replied with a grin.

"And I thought giving up girls would help."

"So, what you're taking them up again?" She asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Nah. Figured since I was on good terms with you (I won't say again because I never was) there'd be no more violence from no romantic fields. Romantic fields however are a different story."

"Well good luck then." Lydia said with a nod. She glanced at her watch and was quite surprised that it was already quite late.

"We'd better get going." She said stocking the last bezoar stones hastily. Sirius, who was almost done with his duckweed classing, finished long before she was even half way through.

"Want some help?" He asked taking a bezoar stone and stacking it away carefully.

"Well it's not like you're not already." Lydia said pushing an armful of stones into his chest. She realised too late that it was quite an awkward thing to do and stumbled away from him in order to rectify her mistake. It was the second clumsy thing she'd done all week. Except this time she landed on her backside.

"Are you naturally clumsy?" Sirius asked bewildered.

"This week." She said accepting his hand. He pulled her onto her feet swiftly and for a moment just that simple movement unnerved her. Shaking her head, she got back to work.

Together they completed the task quite quickly. Both marvelling at how civil the atmosphere was. It was really quite strange in fact. Was that all it took to get over a fight? A few funny faces?

"That's it then." Lydia said wiping her dusty hands against her skirt, "I'll see you here tomorrow at-"

"Eight. And no I won't be late." Sirius said with a smirk.

Lydia looked up at him with a civil grin and caught his eye. She went to look away but found herself staring at him a moment longer than normal. He looked right back at her using an intense facial expression she'd never seen him use. What made her stare at him for so long she didn't know... The entire evening had been much too strange for her liking and it seemed to be getting stranger. All she knew was that for a fleeting moment she didn't want to look away... She wanted to look at him without scowling, smirking or laughing. She wanted to see what he looked like through eyes that weren't clouded with anger or amusement. And for the second time that evening she realised a moment too late it was an awkward thing to do

She broke eye contact, a little embarassed. "Tomorrow then." With that she walked away marvelling at how strange the situation had been and mentally cursing the little voice in her head that said; through non clouded eyes, Sirius actualy didn't seem too bad.

* * *

**Oh I love all the reviews I got for this chapter. My self esteem just kept getting higher, thank you SO much to everyone who reviewed, you're absolutely wonderful. So a hot tub, two marauders of choice and an ice cream sundae to the following: madpoet08, sirius is funny, The Lost Tear, xmusecliox, StarLightStarBright567, wishfulwings13, anonymous, Indigo Meow, lilmispris, M.K Stone, Crying Doves, funsize, likewise4me, Paddie'sGirl, tresdrole, calcifer, Sarah's Scribbles, Jackie Rodgers and Caribbean Blue 102. Your personal thank you's are in the mail :) You're all brilliant!!! Thankyou:)**

**This chapter, anyone who reviews get's: Sirius pulling funny faces, full of himself teasing Remus, 'Just got off my broom' James, a jar of pink Krazzaz crystals (you'll find out in later chapters what they do, I promise it's good) and lovely chocolate mousse with cream... mmm, yum. Please please please please please review, it makes me feel wonderful. :)  
**


	9. Brown sugar

**A/N This chapter is rather silly. From Croissants and eye forking its just plain bizarre! But what kind of story doesn't have a truly bizarre chapter anyway? Thanks for all the awesome reviews! Enjoy this chapter for its bizarness... I know I enjoyed writing it:)**

* * *

**Chapter nine – Brown Sugar**

"Talking civilly with Sirius Black in the potions store cupboard? Funny, Lydia, funny." Lily laughed the next morning at breakfast.

Lydia rolled her eyes and replied; "I feel like Galileo! I'm not lying Lily… I didn't make the whole thing up to analyse your reaction."

"The day before you slapped him senseless in front of everyone-."

"I slapped him once, not senseless."

"Senseless, once, lobsters they're all the same bloody thing aren't they?"

"In this school." Lydia muttered throwing a glare at a giggling clique a few feet away. She was extremely grumpy. It was croissant day. What Lydia had never understood was the need for croissants in a school that wasn't french. Once upon a time she'd loved croissants. She'd eaten them every morning for breakfast, and one morning had even forced them down her brother's throat because they were so tasty. Of course that particular morning, his throat had decided that it really didn't like french pastries and Lydia had never quite gotten over the smell of croissant vomit.

"You look tired." Lily said with a frown. Lydia was quite tempted to say 'Well spotted dear, our head master is Albus Dumbledore if you hadn't picked up on it' but decided against it as there would be many tricky questions as to _why _she was tired. And as the reason did have a little to do with how civilly she and Sirius had been talking the night before she preferred to keep the reasons to herself.

"Just… It's croissant day." Lydia offered in explanation and slumped to the table.

Truthfully she couldn't get the ordeal out of her head. One didn't hate someone immensely and then have a humorous conversation with them in the potions store cupboard. It really didn't work like that.

Or it shouldn't have anyway.

"Oh croissants aren't that bad!" Lily said brightly offering a wonderful subject change, "They're really quite nice."

"Says that girl that's never worn them as a smelly fashion statement."

Lily wrinkled her nose in humoured disgust. Just as she did James Potter waved at her from the neighbouring table. She glared in reply but a pinkish tinge worked its way up her neck.

Lydia was tempted to mock her friend but got one sniff of a nearby croissant and decided she needed some good karma. Croissant days were never pretty.

* * *

"She likes me." James said with a grin, too preoccupied with the red head to notice Sirius pouring coffee on his toast with a chuckle. 

Remus rolled his eyes. "She likes me." Seemed to be James' new catch phrase. He used it whenever Lily came within a five mile radius. The offending catch phrase was wearing thin at his nerves.

"How did detention go last night?" Peter asked looking across at Sirius with a slight frown, "You got back and went straight to bed."

"I was tired." Sirius shrugged.

A few moments of silence passed. All three friends looking at their pal with interest as he hummed brightly and scooped honey onto his toast generously.

"What?" He asked, finally noticing their interest.

"This isn't one of those 'post libertine' moment mornings is it?" Remus asked with a raised eye brow.

"Huh?" Sirius replied in confusion.

James rolled his eyes and issued at Lydia who was slumped on the table looking extremely tired.

"What kind of drugs are you on?"

"The 'I know you too well' kind." James said grimly.

"Oh come on!" Sirius exclaimed in protest, "A guy can't go to detention with a girl, go to bed, wake up in a good mood and not be post coital?"

"Any guy maybe. You on the other hand…"

"This is Lydia we're talking about!" Sirius said, "You know… the one I had a massive face off with two days ago."

All three friends exchanged a look that clearly told Sirius they didn't believe him.

"What is it they say about friends? Can't live with them, can't live with them?"

He sighed dramatically and continued, "If you must know, detention went fine Wormtail thanks. Lydia and I actually agreed for the first time."

At their gleeful glances he said: "Not in that way! Get your heads out of the gutter! We just had a bit of a laugh is all. She's actually quite… alright."

"Alright?" James asked raising an eyebrow inconspicuously towards Remus and Peter.

"Yes alright." Sirius said matter of factly.

Sniggering James turned back to his toast only to be presented with a soggy brown lump that smelt like coffee. He turned his accusative glare towards Sirius.

"She likes me!" Sirius imitated in a high pitched voice.

"Oh shut ya face." James said grumpily throwing a croissant down onto his plate.

"Speaking of which is Lily _actually_ going to the ball with you?" Peter asked bouncing in his seat like an eager three year old.

"She will _actually, _once I've asked her…"

"Well actually considering that she's only said yes to you once (and that was when you asked her if she hated you) I'd be willing to wager that _actually…"_

"Oh _actually_ shut up Moony." Sirius said. "I want hope in his heart so he can look totally dejected when she turns him down."

James glared at him once more and folded his arms. A vengeful glint sparkling in his eye.

"I heard word that Emmy Jones wants to jump you."

Peter and Remus raised their eyebrows in confusion. Sirius looked up at him in surprise and then glanced over at Emmy Jones just to check that she wasn't staring at him seductively.

She was.

"Oh hell." Sirius cringed sinking into his chair.

James chuckled.

"I have a feeling I'm about to ask a question that's already been asked, excuse my ignorance but what exactly is wrong with Emmy staring at you?" Remus asked.

"The vow!" Sirius said. He seemed to think this explained everything but at the questioning look on Remus' face he relented.

"I wasn't joking when I said I was giving up girls you know."

"Well I thought it was fairly pointless as Lydia Johnson slapped you in the middle of transfiguration and you are two aren't even going out… Actually you can't stand each other."

"Couldn't stand each other. Tenses Moony."

"I thought you'd rejected her anyway." Remus continued.

"So did I."

"Not according to Sarah Whitbal." James said with a shifty smile, "She says you promised to go to the ball with Emmy."

"I did." Sirius said confused, "But dancing and escorting are a bit different to 'jumping.'"

"Not to Emmy." James said with a chuckle, "Not to Emmy."

* * *

Lydia banged her head against the desk repetitively. She couldn't get rid of the smell of croissants. It was everywhere… All through the classrooms and hallways… Each person's breath smelt like a mixture of stomach acids, tooth paste and croissant vomit. 

Suffice to say, she was ready to hurl herself off the Ravenclaw tower.

What possessed her to raise her hand and ask to go to the hospital wing however she didn't know. She felt like a drama queen. It wasn't as if the smell of croissants was sickly enough to warrant an afternoon in the hospital wing.

Five minutes later however she was running up the stair case, not able to wait for the heavenly smell of cleanliness that seemed to inhabit hospitals and hospital wings world wide. Anything to get her away from the smell of croissants.

She hurled open the door; "Madam I… Oh."

Sitting up looking rather green, was Frederick Gooble.

"Hi." She said breathlessly quite forgetting that she was seconds away from depositing her lunch on the sparkling marble floor.

He held up his hand in recognition.

_Gee that was passionate!_

"Miss Johnson?" Madam Pomfrey bustled out of her office looking dishevelled, "What are you doing here?"

"Uh… I feel really sick."

Lydia could tell by the way the sister's nose upturned that she really didn't believe her.

"I have a note." She said outstretching her hand. Madam Pomfrey took it promptly and read through it. Her disbelieving look vanishing more and more as her eyes moved down the parchment.

"Take a bed next to Mr Gooble there, I'll get you some potion in a minute."

With that she fled to her office slamming the door behind her.

"What was-?"

Frederick shrugged.

The conversation lacked the punch most conversations had. For a start; there was no dialogue, and dialogue was rather crucial when it came to conversation.

But then again, what on earth was she supposed to say to her prince charming?

_Had a good day?_

_Much homework?_

_Nice water jug there._

_Gee the weather's great._

_Don't you just hate croissants?_

_My hamster died the other day._

_Colourful pills._

_Nice bed sheets._

_Crap bed sheets._

"So… what are you in for?"

Frederick looked across at her strangely for a moment, but then lowered his eyebrow and replied; "The flu."

She nodded enthusiastically. Frederick didn't share her enthusiasm and turned back to the cubicle curtains that seemed to interest him immensely.

_Ok… Now what?_

"Nice water jug." She said pointing to the crystal jug on his bedside cabinet.

"Yeah it's great."

Lydia could see the conversation fizzling into nothingness. Perhaps it already had. Maybe it needed some sarcasm and some dry Lydia wit.

She opened her mouth to say something but then stopped.

What was she thinking? There was obviously a reason she'd never had a boyfriend! They probably found her dry wit utterly unbearable! She'd probably just end up turning him off.

Maybe some simple atmosphere brightening would be better.

"So do you want to go to the ball with me?"

Maybe not that bright…

She could feel her heart hammering against her rib cage so hard she was afraid that it would break her ribs. She was convinced that Frederick could hear it because all he gave her in reply was his raised eyebrow look.

"I don't really know you very well."

_Well that sounds like a no…_

Whether it was or not, Lydia didn't find out. She turned swiftly and ran back down the stairs wanting more than anything to hit herself up the back of the head… She needed her brother… He always hit her up the back of the head… Mainly at inappropriate times. In her third year she'd come home in the summer and the kindly muggle next door had died of a heart attack. Lydia hated funerals but was dragged along anyway by her parents. Right in the middle of the kindly lady's daughter's speech her brother hit her in the back of the head and a resounding 'Ow! You little bugger!' was heard throughout the church.

Preoccupied in her thoughts she tripped over the legs of Sirius Black.

"You're so clumsy." He laughed.

"I've never been clumsy!" She snapped in reply, "Only in the last week have I been clumsy and it's mainly when you're around."

"Mainly. Not always."

"Oh shut up." She said finding it hard to keep control of her temper. It was only then she realised that it was still early afternoon and that Sirius should have been in class. "What are you doing here anyway?"

"Tripping over beautiful young ladies what else?"

"Oh don't flatter me Sirius." She muttered grumpily plonking down next to him. "Seriously… What are you doing here?"

He considered reciting the 'serious/Sirius' joke but decided against it as he wasn't in a hurry to get on her bad side again.

"Wagging history of magic."

"Wagging?" Lydia asked horrified.

"Well what are you doing then? I don't see you sitting in class like the perfect student."

"I was in the hospital wing."

"Was."

"Oh look, shut your… Wait you still do history of magic?"

"Nice change of subject." Sirius said with a grin. He paused for a moment, enjoying the look of disbelief plastered on Lydia's face. He loved being unpredictable.

"I like history of magic." He said with a shrug.

"_Nobody_… likes history of magic."

"I do." He replied.

It took a full minute for this information to sink in for Lydia. Sirius Black liking history of magic??? Even _Lily _hated history of magic.

"I didn't think you were the type to like history of magic." Lydia said with a disbelieving shake of the head.

"That's because you don't know me very well." Sirius replied with a sigh, "If you were in the hospital wing why aren't you there now?"

Lydia looked up at him nervously and then looked back down at the floor. She was tempted to ask him how you asked someone out successfully… How you maintained your own personality without fear of being rejected.

But then she thought about it carefully and realised she was talking to Sirius Black… She'd probably just get a monologue learnt by heart from 'How to jump someone in 24 hours without the niceties'

"Long story." She replied grimly.

"Make it short."

"How about no?"

Sirius rolled his eyes and glanced back down the corridor, it wasn't beyond Slughorn to up and leave his classroom randomly just to check that nobody was sitting in the corridor wagging class. It was just the sort of crazy thing he'd do.

"Well if I make a confession will you tell me?" He asked.

"Probably not, but you can confess anyway."

"I don't actually like history of magic."

"Figures. And here I was thinking you were a man of subtlety."

"Don't worry… It's a mistake others make often." He said with a sly grin. She rolled her eyes routinely and replied; "Then why on earth would you subject yourself to such torture?"

"It's a long story." Sirius said biting his lip thinking of Emmy Jones. In his fifth year he had taken great comfort in the knowledge that he'd finally be able to throw away history of magic for good…

Until of course; he'd realised that Emmy Jones was taking it.

He really wished he'd been making decisions with his brain instead of his hormones back then.

With the exception of Lydia he'd been enjoying the slap and hurtling objects free environment immensely. Occasionally he got the urge to have some sort of female contact but that was nothing a cold shower wouldn't fix.

He was even getting his homework in on time.

Going to the ball with Emmy Jones was one thing… But she quite obviously wanted something more. He'd gone over what a proper relationship with Emmy would be like and had then decided that he would probably be sick of her within weeks. He had to be honest; sometimes the only thing that interested him in girls was their looks. And that was fine if he was looking for a one night stand, but if he wanted a relationship, he wanted a girl who could hold a conversation for more than two minutes without mentioning how 'hot' he was.

Emmy wasn't known for her conversation skills.

This was precisely why he was seated in the corridor avoiding her at all costs.

"You may as well tell me, it's too late to go back to class and I've got nothing else to do." Lydia said.

"No. You wouldn't tell me your story." Sirius said with a defiant chuckle.

Lydia rolled her eyes, (a syndrome she seemed to suffer from whenever Sirius came near) She really didn't want the news about her Fred- Frede**rick** Gooble fiasco spread around the school, and she wasn't entirely sure she could trust Sirius. She also didn't want tips on how to grab someone by their tie and haul them into a broom cupboard. But then again, it was better than stewing it over inside her own head because she was too embarrassed to tell anyone. She'd only been stewing it for a few minutes and that was painful enough.

"Frederick Gooble was there." She said with a sigh.

Sirius chuckled, "That's not a long story at all. But I can see your point. If I went to the hospital wing and Frederick bloody Gooble was there I'd run a hundred miles in the other direction."

"What's wrong with Frederick Gooble?" Lydia asked defensively.

"Well, he's a bit of a bore isn't he? Actually that's an understatement… he's the most boring person I've met in my-." He glanced at Lydia strangely and then the realisation hit him, "Oh… Well, that's one I haven't heard before."

"Why's that? He's very good looking." Lydia said a red blush creeping up her neck. She mentally cursed the blush and told herself not to be so petty and pathetic.

"In a golden boy 'Mumsy' sort of way." Sirius said (although in his opinion Frederick Gooble was about as attractive as Remus on a full moon)

"In a 'Mumsy' way?" Lydia asked scandalised.

Sirius laughed at her reaction but secretly was rather irked. He'd never liked Frederick Gooble. This dislike derived from his second year when he'd been playing a prank on Snape. Frederick Gooble had taken it on himself to track him down and tell him what an immature disgrace he was, and had then informed McGonagall.

Ever since then when Frederick Gooble had come into view he and James would chime in very posh high pitched voice 'Oh Mumsy!'

Peter had of course always laughed and imitated them and Remus simply grinned and told Frederick to keep walking or else risk brain damage from association with such immature disgraces.

He was probably just Lydia's type, Sirius thought.

"So what's your story then? As I've told you mine."

Sirius snapped out of his thoughtfulness and replied in a rather uninterested manner, "The story behind why I take history of magic? Simple; Emmy Jones does. The story behind why I'm sitting here? I'm avoiding Emmy Jones because she wants to jump me."

Lydia raised an eyebrow and said in a very surprised voice, "You are a man of subtlety then?"

"How so?" Sirius asked.

"Well I wouldn't have taken you as the type to reject Emmy Jones."

"You didn't take me as the type to like history of magic either."

"You _don't_ like history of magic." She pointed out.

"I suppose that's true." He conceded, very much wanting the conversation to just end. Her liking of Frederick Gooble had lessened his growing respect fur her. What kind of idiot liked Frederick Gooble? Frederick Gooble was the type of guy who ended up a virgin at fifty because women thought he was too boring to sleep with. He was the type of guy who ended up teaching History of magic, and rivalled Binns in his ability to put people to sleep.

Frederick Gooble was just plain boring… with a capital B. The guy had never had a girlfriend for crying out loud!

The bell rang and both Sirius and Lydia scrambled to their feet.

"See you tonight then." Lydia said in farewell.

"Yeah tonight." Sirius muttered and walked away.

* * *

"I mean seriously… what kind of idiot likes Frederick Gooble?" 

James rolled his eyes extravagantly and began to bang his head against the dinner table in anguish.

"Don't you think we've analysed this enough?" Peter asked desperately.

"He's the most boring git in the world… I mean she is addled isn't she? She's completely addled."

"Where the hell is Moony? He can deal with these situations perfectly." James said craning his neck and searching the great hall.

"He said something about not being hungry." Peter replied.

"He's a bloody monk for God sakes! Remember fifth year when Emmy went out with him and he didn't even touch her! I mean… The guy's a bloody monk!"

"Isn't it girls who analyse things and go on and on about how upset they are?" James asked.

"Some guys do… Sirius isn't usually one of them I might add." Peter said emphasising the name 'Sirius' and looking at him pointedly.

"She's addled." Sirius concluded stabbing his chicken, "Addled."

"You're addled!" James exclaimed.

Peter for one thought it was a good time for a change of subject… Well maybe not a drastic change of subject… But talking about a different girl would certainly be better.

"So did you get around to setting Emmy straight?" He asked.

"What?" Sirius asked, "Oh… Yeah um… I haven't seen her all day."

"You're in at least two of her classes, how could you have not seen her?"

"Great luck?" Sirius offered.

"You bloody coward." James muttered, "You're afraid that you won't be able to resist her advances."

"Oh yes that's a completely irrational fear." Sirius said sarcastically, "I mean seriously… any guy could resist her… especially me… I'm just the king of celibacy. I'm right up there with Fred Gooble."

"ENOUGH!" James yelled. The great hall went silent and everybody turned to find the source of the commotion. James shrunk down in his chair for a few moments until everyone had returned to their dinner and conversation levels were again at a healthy level to talk about private matters.

"If you mention that wanker's name again I'm going to stick this fork in your eye!" James muttered quietly brandishing his dinner fork.

Sirius eyed it warily.

"Let's talk about something other than girls!" Peter said brightly, "Let's talk about… Well how about school and how difficult seventh year is?"

"We were talking about Fred Gooble not girls…" Sirius went silent for a moment and then continued, "Actually no you're right. We were talking about girls. Fred Gooble is the biggest girl I've ever…"

* * *

"Hold still!" Madame Pomfrey shouted over Sirius' anguished screams. 

"I'm so sorry mate!" James exclaimed, his face was strained with worry and he was running his hands through his hair in distress, "I wasn't actually aiming for your eye… I just wanted to…"

"Oh shut up Potter!" Madame Pomfrey shouted obviously quite distressed, "I think you've done enough for the evening. Go and check on Pettigrew and make sure he's still breathing."

James turned and ran as fast as Sirius had ever seen him run… Or he assumed he ran fast from the footsteps against the marble. He couldn't rightly see anything with a fork sticking out of his eye.

"You can fix it can't you?" Sirius asked his voice rattled with pain.

"Of course I can fix it!" She said impatiently, "But it's going to be a painful experience Black, just know that."

Sirius could think of someone he resented more than Frederick Gooble… And his name started with James and ended in Potter.

* * *

**I think this is the first time I've seen a personality change in Lydia as writer, but I think that's characteristic as she's not quite sure of herself around Fred... And for those who are worried about Lydia's and Sirius' sudden friendship... I wouldn't be... They won't be in happy land for much longer (Oh I am such a soap writer...)  
**

**I'm fast running out of decent bribes here (I've said that before but this time things are drastic) Mmmmm... Let's see. You get a complimentary package: For those who hate Frederick Gooble you get to hurtle dinner forks at him, and for those who find him strangely attractive you get to admire his golden locks (I told you I'm running out of decent ideas :) you get miserable eye forked Sirius who need attention immediately, apologetic Jamesie and Remus in a broom cupboard (Where else could he be? ;)**

**This time I'm also offering blue Krazzaz crystals and cookies.. Lots of cookies... of any flavour...**

**So with that little gift basket... PLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEAAAAASSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEE review!! Puppy dog eyes **


	10. Start me up

**I hate work. When I grow up I'm going straight to center link I swear. There's no way I'm going to get through my last years of school let alone university… Sigh**

**Anyhow enough with my whingeing. On with the long awaited (my work load did actually have quite a lot to do with that) chapter!**

* * *

**Chapter ten – Start me up**

Lydia would never admit it, but Sirius' words did have some impact on her. Part of her… Or a single cell of her at the very least did actually find Frederick a tad dull. He was never smiling and having a good time with his mates and he was never scoffing down his food and animatedly chatting about Hogwarts life.

Still, she wasn't about to give up. She was determined that; one way or another they were destined to be together. It wasn't coincidence that had landed her a potions partner who was her Prince Charming to a tee, it was fate.

"I'm sure if we got to know each other he'd change his mind. He did say that he didn't really know me-."

"Maybe that's a good thing on his part."

"Lily!" Lydia exclaimed.

"It's a joke! Relax!" Lily said quickly holding her hands up in defeat, "Although you are acting obsessively…"

Lydia frowned. She wasn't acting _obsessively_! She just wanted to make sure everything went the way she wanted it to. You couldn't screw up when your perfect partner was involved.

"Well what do you suggest I do then?"

Lily sighed dramatically, "You won't like it."

"I know. But I'm also completely hopeless in the romance department. The last I heard you were a little further ahead than me, so please, tell me your secret to success."

"You call being constantly stalked by bespectacled anorexics success?"

"I am not anorexic!" An outraged voice cried out in protest.

"Denial Potter!" Lily exclaimed over her shoulder. She turned to add; "We would also appreciate it if you didn't listen in to our conversations."

James rolled his eyes and slumped down onto his desk boredly.

"Don't you have work to do?" Lily asked pointedly.

He pointed to the boa obediently striking the violin strings erratically, creating a very fast but very addictive tune.

"Smart ass." Lily muttered under her breath.

Lydia frowned. It was rather unusual for James to be sitting by himself in class. She looked over to the desk Remus was at and noted that he was also by himself…

Which obviously _meant_…

"Where's your partner in crime?" She asked scouring other desks in the classroom.

"Hospital wing." James muttered guiltily, "I kind of… Well, he had an _accident._"

"That brain damage finally put him in a sticky situation did it?" Lily asked, although it went quite unheard.

"What kind of accident?" Lydia asked alarmed.

"Well… We were having an argument about… Why are you so concerned?" James suddenly sounded interested.

Lydia blinked.

"Well…" She paused. She honestly couldn't remember why she was so concerned. She had always thought of accident as a very serious word. Yes, that was probably it. If James had said the same thing about anyone she would have responded in the same way…

"I just… It seemed serious." She said lamely, "Forget about that, what happened?"

"I poked him in the eye with a fork." James said morbidly.

"How on earth…?"

"We were arguing about you liking Gooble and…" He stopped suddenly, his eyes widening in terror.

Lydia played the words over and over in her head for a few moments until she really hated the sound of them. If possible she hated the sound of them more than she hated the meaning of them. But she didn't hate either of those things quite as much as she hated Sirius Black.

"You what?" She asked her eyes flashing dangerously.

"Never mind." James said quickly pulling a quill out of his bag and scribbling on a scroll of parchment furiously.

"He told you that?"

"Well… I am his best friend… And it's not like I wasn't going to find out anyway… I was listening in to your conversation… Sorry." He added hastily as he caught a glimpse at the look on Lily's face.

"That does it." Lydia said furiously pushing out her chair and stomping away.

"Not again." Lily and James exclaimed in unison.

Of course he'd tell his idiot friends. It was just the sort of idiotic thing he would do. Lydia hardly noticed when she reached the back of the classroom. She only noticed when she bumped into a desk. Three surprised faces looked up at her.

"What do you want?" Kate White asked frostily leaning back in her chair in an intimidating manner.

"Well, I heard through the grape vine," Lydia giggled, she didn't know if giggling was necessary or not but it was better not to take any chances, "that Emmy was looking for Sirius."

The three girls suddenly took interest; leaning forward together eagerly. "She was looking for him all of yesterday." Kate said with a nod, "They'd make such a cute couple!"

On the inside Lydia shuddered, on the outside she smiled sweetly and said; "I heard he was in the hospital wing."

"Really?" Kate asked. Lydia almost laughed (Did they really find it _that _interesting?) but resisted and replied; "Accident of some kind. I just thought Emmy ought to know." With that she winked and walked back to her desk very pleased with her acting skills.

* * *

Sirius had felt pain before. Broken arms, Quidditch injuries (Quite common when one was playing with James) stair banister falls… But nothing was quite as bad as mending his eye. He spent most of the night rolling over and over in pain, and thinking up suitable pay back for James - nothing seemed quite painful enough. 

It was around midday when it started to ease. Constant shrill pain became tiny little waves of pain.

Of course, around that time, _someone _made a visit.

Sirius was casually munching on a delicious lunch of Sheperd's pie straight from the kitchens (only stopping occasionally between bites to twitch with pain) when Emmy Jones walked in.

Sirius suddenly hated Sheperd's pie.

"Do you mind if I visit?" She asked flashing all seventy of her perfect teeth.

_Bit late to ask isn't it?_

"Uh sure." Sirius said shoving his Shepard's pie to one side. All he had to do was keep cool and collected. That was all. Sex did not have one over him, sex was under his control not vice versa, sex was-

Emmy sat on his bed and placed her hand on his thigh.

Sirius winced. How on earth had she found out where he was?

"I know you said that you were… _preoccupied_." Emmy started, massaging his thigh. Sirius was tempted to point out two things. One was that it was his eye that had put him in the hospital wing, not his thigh, two was the convenient placing of said thigh near some very important… _stuff. _"But, I don't think there's any harm in a little relationship. I mean, after all, it is seventh year. We're under a lot of stress; a little relationship would be an excellent alleviant. Don't you agree?"

"Yes, actually I do agree." Sirius said, grabbing her hand quickly and sighing with relief, "But right now I'm not interested in a little relationship."

"Oh come on Sirius." Emmy said with a smirk, "Don't kid yourself. You and I are alike. I know exactly what I want… I'm pretty sure I know what you want."

"You'd be surprised." Sirius replied mirroring her suave tones trying desperately not to crack.

Emmy frowned. She opened her mouth and then closed it, thinking.

"It makes sense now!" She exclaimed, "You're playing some insane 'hard to get' game!"

Sirius raised an eyebrow "I'm not-." He started but was cut off quickly when she planted a quick chaste kiss on his lips that faintly tasted of vanilla. Without any intentions of doing so he leaned forward to continue but Emmy stood back up.

"I can play too." She laughed inwardly at the look on his face; "For a little while at least. Don't worry, I'll be tired of this game by tonight."

And with that she walked away. Sirius simply looked on amazed.

* * *

Lydia was still rather pleased with herself when she walked to detention that night. She'd given Lily several run downs until Lily had become so sick of hearing about Kate's speechless raised eyebrow look that she'd performed a silencing charm. 

She pushed open the door and met darkness. Complete darkness. She looked around curiously, usually there was a lamp lit somewhere. She made her way to the store cupboard slowly; not knowing what she'd find. It was rather strange; most classrooms were lit until ten at least, and the dungeon did count as a classroom.

She swung open the store cupboard door and sensed the presence of someone human.

She whispered 'Lumos' and then fell backwards when Sirius jumped out of the darkness.

"What are you doing here?" He asked sounding irritated. A light flickered to life and she was able to disentangle herself from the coils of unicorn tail on the floor. Brushing away her now mangled hair she stood.

"I'm here for detention." She answered, giving him a questioning look.

"Oh…" Sirius said, it had only just dawned on him there was no other reason for her to enter the dungeons at eight at night, "I forgot."

"How could you?" Lydia asked, "You're here."

"What?" Sirius asked looking over her shoulder anxiously.

"Never mind." She replied glancing over her own shoulder; annoyed she said, "What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing." He replied quickly. He looked over her shoulder, shook his head and continued; "Why don't you go back. I can take care of it tonight."

"What? Why?" Sirius offering her help? That was very… Un-Sirius.

"Uh…" He glanced over her shoulder yet again and she finally lost patience.

"Sirius! Can you speak coherently long enough to tell me why you keep looking over my damn shoulder?" She snapped swinging around just to check if whatever it was he was glancing for nervously was in fact in the door way.

As it turned out it was.

Or, _she _was.

She being Emmy Jones.

"What's she doing here?" Emmy asked raising an eyebrow. Lydia immediately felt intimidated. Emmy was a head taller than her and had neat manageable hair. Not that her hair wasn't usually manageable but she _had_ just fallen down in the dark.

"A better question is," Lydia spat defensively, "What the hell is _she _doing here?!"

Sirius ignored Lydia and turned to Emmy; "I forgot we both had detention."

"Oh." Emmy said. She looked quite interested but the sarcasm in her voice let her down miserably, "Well, we'll just go somewhere else."

Lydia looked back to Sirius so fast she felt like she had whip lash. He wouldn't leave her on her own to do detention. Not when he was so committed to his bloody vow or whatever he called it…

"Yeah let's go." He took Emmy's hand and Lydia heard her laugh at something he said as they walked back up along the corridor.

Outraged, she lashed out against a shelf just at waist height. She immediately regretted it though as the shelf was much stronger than her toe. She sunk to the floor in a huff not quite sure why she was so angry, and then decided that detention was less important than figuring out why.

The reason that popped to mind first was that a few days before hand Sirius had confided in her that he didn't want a relationship with Emmy. But maybe he didn't want a relationship… maybe this was just a bit of 'fun' or whatever term people used. But then again she'd been sure that Sirius had told her that the vow included no contact from the opposite sex what so ever.

The second was that her brilliant pay back had been wasted. Obviously receiving a visit from Emmy Jones in the hospital wing had been a bit less painful than she'd anticipated. She'd probably set them up.

She didn't do any cleaning that night. She eventually got up from the cold store cupboard floor and headed back to the common room. She took a detour, because she wanted to think through things further. It lead her straight to Frederick Gooble.

She felt her cheeks warm in embarrassment.

"I've been looking for you." He said. She felt taken back. Looking for her?

"Really?"

"Yeah, your potions notes are way behind." He shoved a wad of parchment towards her.

"Oh." She quickly tried to hide her disappointment by pointing out the places that they were indeed far behind. Five minutes later she thought that everything that could possibly be said on potions notes had expired.

"Thanks for these." She made to walk away but Frederick's voice called out; "Wait."

He hurried forward looking slightly awkward and said; "Look, I'm sorry about the other day. I'd love to go to the ball with you."

"Wh-." She stopped herself just in time. Why question such good luck?

Before she could say another word he leaned forward and gave her a chaste kiss. It lasted about two seconds before Professor McGonagall came around the corner threateningly.

"I'll see you later." He said with a warm smile.

Lydia stood rooted to the spot. Had that really just happened? Really?

"Miss Johnson!" McGonagall snapped, "Are you going to stand in this corridor all day because you're incapable of keeping your lips to yourself or are you going to move?"

"Move." Lydia said with a grin, before breaking into a run and not stopping until she reached the Ravenclaw common room.

* * *

Sirius trudged into his dormitory at six am well and truly ready for bed. In fact, he was tempted to roll under it, wait for the others to leave and then sleep all day peacefully, but Remus and James ruined any chance of that by being awake early. 

"Where have you been?" Remus asked as he fastened his watch.

"None of your sodding business Dad."

"Touchy." James said with a grin, he had a raiser in one hand and his glasses in the other. He was still in his pyjamas and looked remarkably skinny. "Late night?"

"So late it's early." Remus muttered fixing his school tie now that he was convinced his watch was on right.

Sirius collapsed into his four poster and muttered against his pillow; "Why are you wankers up so early?"

"Whyaflaearla? We don't all speak gibberish." Remus muttered.

Sirius rolled over and repeated his question.

"I thought that was fairly obvious." James said, his voice echoing from the bathroom, "What else do wankers do in the morning?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. He fell back against his pillow and grunted.

It took them until breakfast to figure it out. James was having a surprisingly friendly argument with Lily about Christmas decorations and Peter was looking at the front page dully when Remus looked up in surprise.

"You broke the vow?!"

Sirius looked up from his toast and replied rather irritably, "I'm not a priest."

"I never said that!" Remus cried in mock anguish, "_You_ said that."

"No I didn't."

"Yes you did."

"No I bloody didn't."

"Yes, you bloody did."

"Oh shut up you two!" Lily snapped throwing a spoon at Sirius. He ducked and remembering his unforgettable 'fork in the eye' experience muttered "Like boyfriend like girlfriend." At the look on Lily's face he cleared his throat and said quickly, "Besides, it's only something light, to alleviate the stresses of seventh year."

"I really wish I believed that you came up with that argument but somehow…"

"Who cares if it was mine? It doesn't make it any less true."

"Can we not argue technicalities?!" Remus said fed up.

Sirius was tempted to say that technicalities were as important in arguing as broomsticks were in Quidditch. You couldn't argue properly if you hadn't covered all corners and you couldn't fly properly without a broom.

Instead he said; "It was Emmy's."

"I see." Remus said, "What happened to all those passionate speeches about not being kicked in the mud by females?"

Sirius shrugged and said; "Emmy has enough passion for the both of us."

"There goes breakfast." Peter said shoving his bowl away.

"You mean we've sat through…" James counted weeks on his fingers and then decided it wasn't worth the effort, "However long it's been, worth of crap about resisting females and now we have to endure vivid sexual references?"

Sirius paused for a moment; "Yep that sounds right."

"I'm going to stick your head in a toilet."

"You do that. Just mind that you don't cause any bodily harm in the process, the last injury was enough."

James had the sense to look guilty and leave the ranting and raving of just how unfair it was to Remus.

"Great Sirius. Next time you decide to try celibacy, let us know first that you're an inconsistent prick and not to listen to anything you're saying so we don't end up this disgusted."

Sirius chuckled, "My serene lovable werewolf swearing?"

Remus frowned. "I swear all the time. I said bloody two minutes ago."

"Thirty seconds Moony." Sirius said matter of factly. "And bloody is not a swear word."

Remus bit his tongue before standing; "I'm going to charms."

"Me too." Peter said.

"Me three," James said hoarding as many pieces of toast as possible, "I'm not sitting here with this prat."

"It's not my fault you all believed it would last!" Sirius cried in defence.

They all gave him dirty looks.

* * *

**I know. Sirius not celibate? Lydia kissing Frederick Gooble in front of stern transfiguration professors? (Draconian Devil has completely lost it) I promise that it won't last long. As one of my friends said the other day 'It's all just a vicious circle!' I didn't intend to write this the way I did but as often happens stories sort of slide out of my control and start writing themeselves, but I do have it planned out. I just took a different turn on the road, but it will end up in the same place. Have no fear!**

**Now that I've finished ranting I'll get down to bribing. Well I suppose I should offer the obvious; Non celibate Sirius, violin playing James, nervous Frederick Gooble (for torture purposes of course, unless you like him... In which case be very nice to him) Remus (However you want him ;) and a nice helping of home baked Sheperd's pie. GET REVIEWING:) A big thank you to all those who reviewed the last chapter too! I love you all to the end of the earth and back because reviews do to me what chocolate does to others. :)  
**


	11. 19th Nervous Breakdown

**A/N Uh, how long has it been exactly????? That long?! Well er… LONG CHAPTER!!!!!! DON'T CRUCIFY ME!!!!!! A long chapter for a long wait seems fair right? Right? RIGHT?!**

**I'm going to shut up now...  
**

**Disclaimer: Look J.K... We've been through this! I don't own the marauders... I may kidnap them from time to time to include them in my tragic plot lines... Oh dear I've said too much haven't I?**

* * *

**Chapter Eleven – 19****th**** Nervous Breakdown**

"I am taking a vow of celibacy!" Sirius proclaimed angrily as he entered the dormitory. His eyes flashed dangerously as he crossed to his bedside cabinet and pulled out his drawer violently.

"This seems eerily familiar." James commented with a smirk.

"Don't laugh at me!" Sirius exclaimed ripping off the lid of a bright pink tube of strong smelling liquid, "I am a messiah. In years to come, men will worship me and dub celibacy 'The Sirius method of self preservation.'"

"Would it be safe to assume you and Emmy got in a fight then?" Remus asked carefully.

"A fight?" Sirius looked up from his mirror and stopped applying cream to his dinner plate sized bruise long enough to give Remus a very dramatic exasperated glance, "No… The word fight doesn't even begin to justify the travesty of Emmy Jones' wrath."

"Use of the word wrath. I'd rate this about a nine on the 'Padfoot girl disaster meter.'" James said to Remus with a grin, "Tell us what happened mate."

"Oh I'll tell you. I'll go right back to the bloody beginning."

* * *

Sirius Black had been dating Emmy Jones, officially for two weeks, and while, in that time, she had demonstrated her exceptional skills in the bedroom and had brought about a number of pleasant feelings Sirius was sure would never be brought about by another girl again, he was beginning to get a little worried.

He had, for one week and six days, expressed at every meeting that their relationship was strictly 'Light fun,' and for one week and six days Emmy seemed to have understood that just fine. Albeit, she was starting to grow quite worrisome with her use of the name 'Siri' and her desperate need to demonstrate her affection for him in public, but that was tolerable.

When he got to breakfast that morning however, exactly two weeks since they'd begun to date, a fat pink letter was waiting beside James with 'Sirius Black' printed on it in girly handwriting, and Sirius realised things had crossed the tolerable mark.

"James, it's not April yet." Sirius muttered taking his seat.

"Huh?" James said confused swinging around from his conversation with Lily. Putting aside his surprise that James and Lily were engaging in a friendly conversation, Sirius drew James' attention to the envelope.

"What the heck is that?" James asked.

Sirius furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, "A prank… Right?"

"Uh, no." James said, "Not right."

Not quite believing him, Sirius ripped it open and a high pitch sound reached his ears.

"Happy Anniversary!" It rang.

Loud cries erupted around him as everyone in the great hall turned to find the source of the commotion, most of them wearing an expression of anticipation at what they must have assumed was a howler.

"Shut that thing up!" James exclaimed.

Sirius stuffed the enchanted pink letter back into its envelope and sat a pumpkin juice jug on top of it. The liquid rippled every now and then alerting them that the enchantment was still very much active.

"What the hell was that?" Peter asked as he sat down opposite James.

"My anniversary card." Sirius replied trying to keep his tone even.

"From who exactly?"

"I'm guessing Emmy."

"That makes no sense." James said with a frown, "You've been going out for what… Two weeks?"

"Yep."

"Since when does anyone have a two week anniversary?"

"Apparently, since now."

James raised his eyebrow, "Uh… I was under the impression that your relationship was strictly sexual."

Lily rolled her eyes.

"So was I." Sirius said slowly.

"Wasn't it just… Light and fun?"

"Uh huh."

"Stress alleviant?"

"So she said."

"And…" James gestured at him for details, "How do you feel about the sudden turn?"

"Not good." Sirius said hoarsely.

"Maybe, strictly sexual relationships have anniversaries too." Peter said brightly. James, Lily and Sirius all looked up at him as if he was mad.

"Well… Maybe, just _Emmy's _sexual relationships."

"What's going on?" Remus asked looking at Sirius' shell shocked face.

"It's his anniversary." James explained.

"Oh… Well that explains it." He muttered sitting down and taking a piece of toast, "I thought your relationship was just-."

"Yes, we've already covered that." Sirius said with a nod.

"So, now it's…"

"Not."

"And you're…"

"Scared shitless."

"And that's because…"

"There is a reason I gave up girls!" Sirius exclaimed.

"Technically you took them back up again." James said, "Now you're just going in circles."

"I only agreed to 'date' Emmy because it meant it was strictly… Physical."

"And so now that it's not, you're going to end it…"

"Well see that would get me knocked out."

"So you're going to go ahead with it?"

"No, because eventually I'll get knocked out."

"So what are you going to do then?" Remus asked impatiently.

"I have no fucking clue."

"Oh well great." Remus said brightly, "I'm glad we got that cleared up."

"I don't get it." Lily said taking a sip of her pumpkin juice thoughtfully, "I mean… I know Emmy isn't exactly the soul mate type but… Well it's not like it's written in stone that you're going to break up."

All four marauders looked up at her, two with their eyebrows raised and the other two with their mouths gaping.

"I knew that stereotype about girls being mushy and unrealistic had some kind of basis." Sirius muttered.

"Oh shut up." She said throwing a glare at him, "I'm just saying I don't understand why you don't give her a chance."

Remus glanced at her thoughtfully, "She has a point. I mean, I don't think she's your soul mate," he paused to glance over at the Hufflepuff table and shook his head, "But you could give her a chance…"

"Okay. I'm going to be very honest." Sirius started. He looked at Remus' disbelieving stare, James' sneer and Peter's anticipation and took a deep breath, "Emmy is deadly boring."

He watched as each of the three reacted. Remus' disbelief was replaced with an eye roll, James' sneer turned into a frown and Peter looked slightly crestfallen.

"You do realise that not everyone is a five pound bag of fun don't you?" Remus asked.

"Of course I bloody do." Sirius said impatiently. "She's not not fun believe me."

Lily wrinkled her nose in disgust and stood.

"Where are you going?" James asked looking panicked.

"I've just realised that teenage boys are disgusting."

"Not all of us are!" James exclaimed as she walked away.

He looked at Sirius darkly before ripping apart a piece of toast with his teeth.

"Thanks Padfoot." He muttered.

"Anyway," Sirius said, determined to continue, "It's more that she can't hold a conversation."

Remus chuckled, "You expect me to believe that you've tried to have a conversation with Emmy Jones?"

"I've had plenty of conversations with Emmy Jones!" Sirius exclaimed hotly.

"You've had a conversation with Emmy Jones that does not include sexual references or romantic references?"

Sirius opened his mouth to reply but then closed it, frowning.

"Well… Okay no... But…"

"Then how do you know she's boring?"

He repeated the same process of opening his mouth and then closing it before frowning.

"Well…"

He sighed defeated.

* * *

Between avoiding Emmy Jones, polling her friends about what she liked to talk about _and _getting all of his NEWT work done, Sirius had had a very busy day.

Emmy's friends had all come to the basic consensus that Emmy enjoyed talking about lots of things. Sirius, Sirius' clothes, Sirius' kissing technique, Sirius' pesky friends, Sirius' quirky (but adorable) habits, Sirius' horrible family…

At this point Sirius had become worried and had interrupted their rant with "Okay… Does she talk about anything but me?"

"Not really." Kate White said frowning.

"She's got to talk about something other than me!" Sirius cried, desperate, "What did she talk about before she started dating me?"

"Oh lots of things!" Gertrude Sullivan exclaimed. "She talked about William Dean and William's…"

"Never mind." Sirius said holding up his hand. He sighed, becoming less and less hopeful that Emmy had even an ounce of subtlety. He looked up at Gertrude's slightly crestfallen face and said finally, "Does she ever talk about… Quidditch?"

Kate White frowned, "No."

"Music?"

"Not really."

"School work?"

"Why would she?"

"How about… Her family?"

Kate paused. "Well now that you mention it…"

Sirius walked towards the stairs confidently. He could see Emmy's outline in the distance. He played the words over and over in his head so he wouldn't forget them.

_Muggles, just talk about muggles. She likes to talk about her muggle family and their muggle habits and…_

"Hello." She said seductively leaning up to kiss him, "Happy anniversary."

"Yeah, you too." Sirius said stepping back.

Emmy frowned. "Something wrong?"

"No…" Sirius said quickly, "I was…" He cleared his throat, "I was just wondering how you felt about the library?"

"Um…" Emmy's frown deepened, "It's great for people who have no life…"

"Excellent!" Sirius exclaimed grabbing her hand zealously "Lets go!"

The library was relatively normal for the Christmas period; a few hard workers sat loyally at their desks their noses an inch from the pages in front of them. Emmy looked at them with disdain as Sirius checked each row of shelves for occupants, finally taking one that seemed deserted and held a lot of books on Grindylow breeding.

"Is this one of your kinky fantasies?" Emmy asked glancing at the books with a sneer.

"Uh no actually." Sirius said clearing his throat, "I just thought… Seeing as it's our two week anniversary…" He tried the words out for size and immediately decided he'd never use them again, "That we should try something different."

"Oh." Emmy's sneer fell and for a moment Sirius detected something that looked a lot like nervousness.

"So we're going to read…?"

"Uh, no. I thought we could… talk."

"Talk?"

"Uh… Yeah."

"Okay…" Emmy's cheeks grew red. "What about?"

"How about family?" Sirius suggested. "I heard yours are muggles."

"Yep." She said with a nod.

"So what's that like?"

"Uh… very different."

"Different?" Sirius asked.

"Yep."

Sirius considered for a moment that maybe he'd dragged the wrong person into the library after him. He wasn't used to a flustered Emmy, and that was clearly what she was; flustered. Her usual over the top confidence was gone and her behaviour was beginning to make Sirius quite nervous himself.

"And yours are…?" She started.

"Bastards."

An awkward silence fell over them. Sirius tried to remember conversations he'd had with other girls… Had they been this awkward? In all honestly he'd never really tried to have an _actual _conversation with a girlfriend before… After all, there had been no need. He'd often recited jokes that made them fall about the floor laughing but usually that was a device to get them into bed.

It struck him for a moment how inadequate he was when it came to girls.

So shocked he opened his mouth to excuse himself but was beaten to it; "I've got to… Friends… Meet them for dinner… You know how it is."

Before he could utter a good bye Emmy had fled the library.

Dinner was a rather miserable affair for Sirius. He didn't know how to bring about his awkward meeting with Emmy and was further disheartened as James flirted outrageously with Lily.

He wondered briefly how they could hold such a free flowing conversation.

"… Well he sounds like a right prat."

Lily laughed, "Of course he is! He married my sister!"

James laughed, "Jeez Evans. She's related to you, she can't be that bad!"

"Well thanks for the vote of confidence, but she's worse than that bad. Do you know what she said to me last holidays…?"

"What's wrong with you?" Remus enquired as Lily feigned a rich upper class tone that reduced James to tears.

"Nothing." Sirius muttered vindictively.

"Oh yes, that was very convincing."

Sirius glared at him, "If you must know Emmy and I aren't as gifted as those prats…" He issued James and Lily vaguely with a wave of his hand, "at the art of conversation."

"You actually took my advice?"

"Advice?" Sirius spluttered, "Go work for the Daily prophet! Your advice is about as helpful as 'Miss Mildred's!'"

"What happened?" Remus asked with a chuckle.

"Nothing. We stared at each other for five minutes. For one of those five minutes I considered taking down one of the books on Grindylow breeding and reading it out to ease the tension."

Remus threw his head back and laughed heartily.

"Oh yes you find it hilarious." Sirius muttered indignantly, "I'm glad my life is of some entertainment value."

Once Remus had stopped laughing and managed to get a hold of his breathing he said "Sorry, but it's not every day you have a problem chatting up girls."

"It's completely different to chatting up!" Sirius exclaimed, "Chatting up is simple! It's just the chatting that's the problem."

He sighed and said, "No I think it's time I set her straight."

"And by set her straight, you mean…"

"I'm going to tell her that this whole anniversary thing is ridiculous because our relationship is strictly… No not platonic… What's anti platonic?"

* * *

It took Sirius an hour and a half to hunt Emmy down. By the time he'd reached the seventh floor he's found three bathrooms and one empty classroom to add to the marauders map. None of which looked to be in use.

He wasn't hopeful that Emmy was on the seventh floor; in fact he was fast coming to the conclusion that she was probably avoiding him in the Hufflepuff common room.

However, he was mistaken. As he turned into the last corridor on the floor he found her sitting on the ground with her back against the stone wall looking troubled.

"Hi."

She looked up like a rabbit in the spot light. She opened her mouth to say something but then closed it. Sirius took a deep breath taking advantage of the sudden silence to say what he desperately needed to.

"I don't think this whole anniversary thing is a good idea."

She looked up at him with hurt in her eyes. "What?"

"Well it's just… This was supposed to be light and fun right…? Just, messing around…?"

Emmy opened her mouth several times resembling an old gold fish that Sirius had once owned. The pet in question had been flushed down the toilet on its first night at Grimauld place by Sirius' mother. She'd claimed at the time that it had been staring at her suspiciously.

Sirius shook his head.

Emmy stood slowly. "So you don't like me then?"

Her tone was slightly accusative but not noticeably so. She had one hand on her hip and one at her side and she only looked slightly irked.

Sirius thought that was enough to know that she wasn't going to explode.

"Of course I like you." Sirius said with a shifty smile, "It's just that, I don't really want to be in a serious relationship…"

"Oh." She said. She paused for a moment and said coolly, "Well that is what I said at the start isn't it?"

She gave him a thin lipped smile and Sirius decided that just maybe, despite her only half ditch attempt at looking angry, she was a lot more angry than he thought she was.

"That's fine." Her voice was getting high pitched. Always a very bad sign.

She leaned forward and kissed him softly. This was just enough to throw him off and no sooner had he fallen into a false sense of security had she walloped him around the face.

"Argh!" He yelled pulling back, "What was that for?!"

"What was that for?!" She screamed back at him, "That's for using my body as your play toy!"

Sirius blinked. Hadn't that been _her _suggestion.

"But that was the whole idea…" He exclaimed.

He took one glance at her now outraged face to realise that he had probably said the wrong thing.

"Don't you get it?!" She screamed, "I'm in love with you!"

She'd gone mad, Sirius concluded.

"What?!"

"Why do you think I rejected you all those years?! I wanted to make you chase me! I decided our relationship would have more chance of surviving in seventh year so I waited until the start of this year…" She began to pace frantically and Sirius began to wonder if maybe he should have thought about an escape plan as well as a 'set straight' speech, "But then you weren't interested… No, I found out you didn't want anything serious… So I offered you that and figured eventually you'd grow to like me…"

"You're insane!" Sirius said shaking his head, "Why didn't you tell me you wanted a serious relationship!"

"Because then you wouldn't have dated me!" She yelled back.

"Exactly!"

Her mouth fell open and her eyes flashed dangerously.

Sirius almost stepped away fast enough…

She was too quick and by stepping back at the same time as she punched him all he ended up doing was falling over.

And having decided that leaving a dinner plate bruise on the side of his cheek was enough damage for one day, she flounced off sobbing dramatically.

* * *

Lydia Johnson's relationship with Frederick Gooble was fairing quite well.

It had been exactly two weeks and though not many people knew they were involved the few curious glances they received as they strolled through the library hand in hand were enough to make Lydia giddy.

Frederick drew out a chair for her at their usual desk. Lydia smiled at him warmly dragging her books out of her bag trying to look as enthusiastic as possible.

At first she had only been a little worried that the most they had done since their short kiss in the corridor two weeks before hand was hold hands and sit together in class but now she was starting to think that maybe she'd have to take matters into her own hands.

Not that that in itself was too intimidating, but it was very difficult getting Frederick into a place where kissing was an appropriate activity. He spent the majority of his time in the library studying. She'd tried once or twice to coax him out of the library and onto the school grounds, but to no avail. She had offered that they take a stroll up to the Astronomy tower but he'd looked up from his book and muttered 'Too busy.' She'd even suggested the potions store cupboard but Frederick couldn't be moved. She had come to the conclusion that if it wasn't between each of his classrooms, the great hall or the library, it wasn't a place he visited.

And that didn't leave her with many options. The only feasible option she could think of was the broom cupboard opposite the great hall. It had the added bonus of not being occupied by teachers and not being a dingy unused bathroom.

The only con to that option was that it was an entirely too slutty option for Lydia's liking. She'd heard Sirius Black talking about broom cupboards and she certainly didn't want to lower herself to his level.

She glanced up from her potions work and peered around curiously. They were fairly isolated in their corner… Only Jessica Parks was in sight and she was so daft she probably wouldn't realise what was going on.

"Hey." She whispered.

Frederick looked up, and met her eye.

Lydia closed her eyes and leaned towards him slowly.

"What, _exactly, _is going on?"

Lydia looked up. Madam Pince was standing over them, looking if possible, more stern than she usually did.

"Uh well…"

A minute later Lydia was sprawled on her back her books around her. Frederick landed beside her his books tumbling on top of her legs.

She barely had time to chuckle at how eerily familiar it was to be literally kicked out of the library before Frederick stood up in a panic.

"What's wrong?" She asked concerned.

"Transfigurations assignment due tomorrow…"

He scurried around frantically, picking up books in a mad hurry that Lydia hardly thought was necessary.

"Why weren't you put in Ravenclaw?" She asked jokingly, trying to hide how annoyed she was. After all, it wouldn't kill him to spend one night away from the blessed library.

"Probably because I'm as daft as anything… What was I thinking doing that in the middle of the library…?"

"I hardly call that the middle of the library," Lydia muttered before looking up confused, "I thought you'd finished that assignment…?"

"I have, but I have to copy it out again."

"Why on _earth _have you got to do that?"

"So that the teachers can read it."

"They use a translation spell." Lydia said her eyebrows furrowed.

"I know. But I've always thought they look upon your work more favourably if they can read it."

Lydia opened her mouth to object further but Frederick hurried off, promising to talk to her tomorrow.

She sat up, gathered all her books and walked back to the Ravenclaw common room in a state of shock.

* * *

"What's wrong with you this morning?"

_He's obsessed! I'll never kiss him at this rate…_

"Lydia!" Lily snapped waving a piece of toast in front of her.

"Huh?" Lydia asked jumping back. She looked at Lily as if she'd only just noticed her sitting there and muttered, "Sorry… I was just thinking about something…"

"Okay…" Lily said with a smirk, "Frederick by any chance? You're so love sick!"

"I am not!" Lydia snapped grabbing the toast out of Lily's hand and stuffing it into her mouth, "He's just strange."

"Well no offence Lid…"

"Lydia." She corrected briskly.

Lily sighed, "No offence, _Lydia _but I think everyone knows that Frederick Gooble is a bit strange. He prefers to be called _Frederick _instead of Fred for starters… Actually, he's kind of like you."

Lydia rolled her eyes, "Thank you Lily. It's always nice to know that you're friend thinks you're a lunatic."

Lily snorted. Something caught her eye from across the room and she looked away blushing furiously. Lydia looked up and noticed James staring at them his eyes twinkling.

Lydia's frown turned into a grin, "Why is James Potter staring at you like that?"

"No reason." Lily muttered quickly stuffing her mouth full of toast.

"Lily, you're not leaving this table until you tell me…"

"Well I guess you'll be sitting her until lunch time then. Or until you can't take skipping class any longer…"

Lydia pinched her arm.

"Ow!"

"Tell me."

"Oh alright!" Lily snapped, the sparkle in her eye giving away her amusement, "I agreed to go out with him!"

"You what?!" Lydia cried, "Why didn't you tell me?!"

"Because I only agreed last night."

"You were with James Potter last night?"

"No I was on prefect duty with Remus Lupin last night, James came to find Remus and when Remus went off to fetch some idiot first years running around the castle after hours James asked me to go to Hogsmeade with him."

"Tell me why James Potter never seems to do duty." Lydia muttered eyeing him suspiciously, "He is supposed to be head boy."

"It's more a figure head position." Lily sighed, "Well to him anyway."

Lydia glanced back at her proudly, "I'm glad you finally came to your senses."

Lily stared at her looking shocked, "Frederick Gooble really has melted your brains! Gosh the old Lydia Johnson would have given me a hundred examples of what an immature berk he is!"

"No, I would have given you one reason: He's friends with Sirius Black."

Lily shook her head, "Are you _still _angry with him for blowing off your joint detention?"

"No…" She muttered defensively.

"Well good because he's only human, and Emmy Jones is… Well Emmy Jones is Emmy Jones."

With that Lily smiled, stood and headed off to her first class.

Lydia looked over at the Gryffindor table and found a lump rising in her throat. No, the feeling she had been squandering with all her might for two weeks was not anger.

Well it was partly anger… But there was something else there all together more worrying. And why it was there she didn't know because she felt no attraction to him whatsoever. She had decided finally that it was probably because at the time she wasn't coupled up and felt immensely jealous of anyone who was.

But that didn't explain why it bugged her so persistently.

Why on earth was she even the tiniest bit jealous?

* * *

**A/N I can't believe I wrote the majority of that today... It's massive :)**

**I want to apologise for the lack of review thank you's last chapter... I was buried in work and only had time for the chapter... I can do them this time though... So, review thank you's will be in the mail :)**

**Anyhow, bribing time... Anyone who reviews this chapter gets a bruised Sirius (Care for him anyway you want ;) a mocking Remus, toast, a love sick James (Except, there's the added bonus of him being love sick because of you), a hopeful Peter (If you want him), more toast...**

**It just struck me how much toast is in this chapter... lol**

**Anyway, please review:)  
**


	12. Beast of Burden

**A/N So it's been another month or so - In that time I've had about five major assessments and my internet crashed... again. I know, I know... Excuses excuses... But we have some serious developments in this chapter so, hopefully that makes up for the wait a bit, enjoy :) **

* * *

**Chapter Twelve – Beast of Burden**

Lydia Johnson was bloated.

She didn't know how it was possible after several days of gruelling exercise and dieting, but it was, and no matter how long she held her breath, she was still the size of a pregnant beach ball.

She tried in vain to suck her stomach in again. She could hear her ribs screaming in agony and her neck craning with the pressure…

She exhaled.

Nope… Nothing was going to shift it.

Sighing miserably she ripped off her favourite stripy jumper and searched through her trunk for something more slimming; finally resting on a black number she hadn't worn in four years.

It was her first official date with Frederick, and though they had seen each other every day since they had started dating and in that time she had been a lot less 'covered up' she wanted to make the best impression.

"You can borrow my mascara if you like." Jane said, "Although apparently guys think you look better without make up… Load of bollocks if you ask me…"

"No thanks." Lydia said struggling to pull the black jumper over her head. She couldn't quite figure out why she was so nervous.

_Get a grip! It's not like it's your first date… This is just signing the paperwork._

"Don't eat anything with garlic in it." Jane advised, "And stay away from coffee because it stains your teeth. Try strawberries instead."

Lydia turned on her with a raised eyebrow, "Jane, where would we find a pub that serves strawberries?"

"Do I look like a map to you? I'm only here for dating advice!"

Lydia shook her head at how dopey Jane was at times and smoothed down her jumper for what seemed the millionth time. She didn't look too bad. Her hair was giving the least grief it had given her in ages, her skin was okay (not brilliant, but tolerable certainly), and her clothes looked stylish but casual.

The only thing worrying her was her blessed bloated stomach!

She frowned and turned to her side self consciously.

"Oh, and when he's looking at you… Don't turn like that." Jane said.

"Why?" Lydia asked.

"Because from that angle you look like you're pregnant. And that's the fastest way to scare blokes off."

Five minutes later Lydia descended the stairs mentally rehearsing possible conversations. She was slightly worried about what they would talk about. After all, they weren't sitting in the library, if an awkward silence reared its ugly head in the library it was easy to pretend to be doing something constructive.

He was waiting for her at the main entrance and Lydia noted immediately that he had gone to a lot of effort. His hair seemed neater than it usually was (if that was possible) and his clothes had been ironed with the love and care only a mother could achieve.

"Hi." She said breathlessly.

"Hi." He said giving her a warm smile. He kissed her softly on the cheek and took her hand in his.

As they walked along the well worn path Lydia began to feel less nervous. Maybe this would turn out just fine… After all, how could things possibly go wrong when your Prince Charming was involved?

* * *

Lydia sipped her butter beer carefully trying to catch Frederick's eye. It was proving difficult with the surrounding distractions in the three broomsticks. After all, the brick wall was simply _fascinating._

She nudged his leg with her leg.

Nothing.

Absolutely bloody nothing.

With a loud sigh she took another gulp of her butter beer.

This was _so_ not the date she'd had in mind.

She had tried boring into his scull, clearing her throat AND sighing but absolutely nothing would make him look at her. She considered for a moment that maybe she should say something…

No. How on earth could she say 'Please just kiss me already?' in a polite manner?

"Frederick…" She started.

"Frederick?"

Lydia looked up into the miserable face of Emmy Jones.

"Emmy," Frederick nodded.

"You don't mind if I take this seat do you?" Her voice was pathetic. Squeaky and high pitched.

Lydia could feel her heart pounding and her blood rushing._ Yes you seven foot, clear skinned, non bloated moronic doll, we do mind!_

"Of course." Frederick said quickly, pushing it out for her.

She thanked him politely and sat down pushing her silky hair behind her ear.

"I'm here by myself. Black and I broke up." She whimpered.

Something in Lydia's chest erupted in joy and for a moment she considered whooping.

Wait a minute… Why did she care?

She kicked the table abruptly; the bottles of butterbeer jumping into the air and landing smoothly back down again in ease. Ignoring the strange looks she was receiving from Frederick and Emmy at her sudden outburst she put all her effort into resisting the urge to tear her hair out. Why did she care if Black's relationship was over? It didn't matter to her at all… No it was just that Emmy Jones was shit faced and she wasn't. Yes that was it. Emmy Jones was crying and muttering pathetically and she wasn't.

_Ha! The big guy does fail from time to time!_

"I just thought he was different…" Emmy's voice broke and a tear slid down her face.

Lydia rolled her eyes. The brief thought that Emmy Jones had probably said that phrase oh too many times to count passed through her mind and she had to bite her tongue not to laugh out loud.

"Black is a moron…" Frederick began in a calming voice patting her on the back sympathetically.

Half an hour later, having listened to as much crap as she could possibly take, Lydia was sure it couldn't last much longer. Emmy had already been through several napkins and had reduced the tissue box Madame Rosmerta had given her to a mushy pulp. Furthermore, her alcohol intake seemed to be slowing.

Surely, she was just about ready to go back to the mother ship. Or at least her dormitory to sleep off the copious amount of butter beer she'd consumed.

"I mean… Every time we made love…"

Lydia choked on her butterbeer violently, quickly recovering by letting the liquid sear her insides painfully, opting not to stutter and spit everywhere.

Sirius and Emmy… They couldn't have… The thought was foreign and sickly and…

"Um…" Lydia said quietly, "I think I might just excuse myself…"

"Now I don't have a date for the ball!" Emmy sniffed dramatically completely ignoring Lydia.

"We'll be your date."

"We'll what?" Lydia snapped, this being the only thing she'd heard since Emmy's shocking confession about her sex life.

"We'll keep her company at the ball."

Lydia gaped at him. They'd kept Emmy company for their entire first date! Now they had to keep her company for their second one as well? While she talked about her and Sirius…

"Can I talk to you in private for a second?" She asked trying to keep her tone even.

"Um alright." Frederick said with a frown.

She grabbed him by the forearm and frog marched him to a corner that was deserted but for one bushy Christmas tree. Brushing away the pine needles agitatedly she turned and faced Frederick trying to squash her face into a somewhat compromising expression.

"Okay… I don't want to seem like a bossy girlfriend or anything." She tried to smile warmly, "But… You were supposed to be taking me to the ball!"

"I still am." Frederick said in what Lydia noted was probably his 'No duh' voice, "I just thought that we could keep her company on the night…"

"Since when are you two bosom buddies?" Lydia snapped. Thought she might need some company indeed! If she needed company she could probably get it from any red blooded male in the school. Why Frederick?

"We've been close for a few years now." He stated calmly. His calmness was doing nothing for her nerves, "We… Well we dated a couple of years ago…"

Lydia gaped at him.

This was not her plan. Oh no. No, she'd planned a nice little drink, a few study free hours wandering around in the snow and a few chaste kisses. What she was getting was a sit in on a break up therapy session and her boyfriend's ex girlfriend as a date for the ball. Oh and a few disturbing images of Sirius Black that she hadn't wanted.

Fan-fucking-tastic.

"You know what? I'm going to go… Have fun with Emmy."

She stomped off, hoping her stomping was effective in conveying just how angry she was. Very angry. Livid. Irate. Furious. Blood thirsty.

She got to the door ready to pull it open and slam it with all her might when…

Sirius Black opened it before her. She tried to brake but failed miserably and slipped head first into his chest sending him sprawling backwards into the snow.

"You're so bloody clumsy woman!" Sirius roared.

"I am not clumsy!" She cried trying to disentangle her limbs from his. It was a difficult business and it took her a good minute to pull out her leg from underneath him and scurry off his chest.

She brushed down her clothes self consciously as Sirius thrashed around in the snow desperately trying to find some footing.

"Here." She snapped impatiently offering him a hand.

"Gee… I'm fine, thanks for asking." He muttered taking it.

One sarcastic comment was enough to send her over the edge. She released the grasp on his hand letting him fall back into the snow with a cry and flounced off.

"Oi, Johnson!"

Sirius grabbed at a fourth year passing by and hoisted himself up, sending the kid sprawling into the snow himself.

"Sorry mate!" He yelled over his shoulder running to catch up with her. He could faintly see her blonde hair in the distance.

"Oi!" He roared. He reached her level just as she passed the Hogshead.

He grabbed her shoulder and turned her around to face him, "Alright I've just about had enough. Can you invest in some manners?"

Lydia gaped, "You? You're going to give me an etiquette lesson?"

"Oh believe me from what I've seen over the past few weeks I think I'm more than entitled. _Any _etiquette lessons you receive are helpful."

"I have good manners!" Lydia exclaimed remembering the lessons her mother had given her when she was younger.

"Really? Funny how I never see them!"

"It was an accident!"

Sirius held up his hand, his expression clearly saying 'I don't want to hear it.'

She sighed and impatiently muttered, "I'm sorry Sirius."

He looked at her pointedly.

She took a deep breath and opted for a softer tone, "I'm sorry Sirius."

"Apology accepted." He said.

"Though, in my defence, the thought of you teaching me etiquette lessons is a bit of a laugh. I've spent the last half hour hearing detailed descriptions of how much of a bloody womaniser you are!"

"You were talking to Emmy Jones?"

Lydia sighed. "Do you want to get a butterbeer?"

* * *

The Hogshead was empty. The only occupant was the bar tender. 

"Roger… My man… Two butter beers!"

Roger looked up wearing an expression only appropriate for someone who'd just been shocked by electricity. After a moment or two he blinked and retrieved two dusty bottles from under the counter and sat them down before him.

"Thanks mate." Sirius said with a twisted expression, grabbing them quickly.

"Are you sure this is safe?" Lydia whispered looking around, "Or for that matter within school rules?"

"Of course it is!" Sirius said waving her off, "One of these days _he'll_ even say hello. You just have to be consistent."

Lydia rolled her eyes.

"Anyway, why was my dear ex talking to you?"

"She wasn't." Lydia said relishing in the comfort of not having to grab his attention. She was sick of that game. "She was talking to Frederick."

"Gooble?"

"The very same."

"And you were sitting with him because… You appreciate him greatly as a potions partner?" He asked hopefully.

Lydia rolled her eyes, "I'm going out with him."

Going out with him? What did going out with Frederick Gooble even mean? Years before Frederick Gooble had 'gone out' with Emmy and had only spoken to her. Sirius didn't think that really justified as going out. Did that mean that he and Lydia had done more than talk?

Sirius' irritation was put on hold when a great shout erupted from behind them, "Get out ya mongrels!"

Sirius and Lydia spun around.

Roger peered out from behind the counter.

"Talkin' to the pixies." He grumbled rapping on the bench. "Little bastards."

Sirius suppressed a laugh.

"Told you he'd talk eventually."

"I'd actually prefer he didn't." Lydia whispered looking back to the bar tender wildly, "Do you think we should go back to the three broomsticks…?"

"That'd be very cosy. Emmy hates you and from what I've seen the feeling's mutual. I think Emmy is a nut case and she thinks I'm a heartless barstard. You think I'm a dick head who skives off detention to fondle nut cases and I think you're an idiot with no brain because you're dating Gooble, who is a boring weirdo who hates anyone with half a sense of humour which basically means he thinks I'm a moronic berk…"

Lydia laughed, "We could top Shakespeare with this story."

"The muggle writer?" Sirius asked. Lydia nodded, and with a chuckle he said; "We probably could. Cheers to us."

He held up his bottle and Lydia brought hers to his with a loud enthusiastic chink.

"Although," She said, "I shouldn't let you get away with calling my boyfriend a boring weirdo with no sense of humour."

"What are you going to do to me?" Sirius asked with a laugh.

"Tell Professor McGonagall why you didn't get your last assignment in on time." She supplied without missing a beat.

Sirius threw his head back and laughed, "I'd forgotten about that."

The conversation continued easily. Eventually they were surrounded by butterbeer bottles and had forgotten all about the mad bar tender muttering 'Pixies' under his breath as he paced behind the counter.

When it seemed that they had reached their limit (Financially and physically) Sirius said, "Do you want to do something?"

"We are doing something." Lydia said issuing the bottles, "Drinking ourselves blind. Which I've never done before and I'm not quite sure it agrees with me."

"Believe me you're nowhere near blind. Quidditch parties… Now that's where people are blind."

"I don't go to those." Lydia said with disdain, "There's too much testosterone in the air after the game, and you know how I'm allergic to it."

"That explains why you're going out with Gooble." Sirius said with a grin.

Lydia laughed sarcastically before swatting him across the cheek playfully.

"Hey! That's already sore!" He said turning and pointing to a purplish mark she hadn't noticed before.

"What happened?" She asked with a frown.

He chuckled, "Emmy slapped me."

"She didn't mention that in her break up therapy session. It must have been a hard slap!"

"Well it was more a slap followed by a hard punch."

Lydia rolled her eyes, "Have you done something for it?"

"I've applied lots of that magical disguise ointment." Sirius said with a shrug.

"Here let me look at it."

She grabbed him by the chin and turned his face around so she could see it properly. At first he went to brush her away, but he let his hands fall to his sides and turned obligingly.

She touched it tentatively with her fingers; she could feel the bristles of his side burns and the warmth of his skin. For a moment it made her feel like she was right up close to him. For a moment she felt like she was doing something so intimate it should be illegal.

She pulled her hand away; nervous and confused.

Sirius frowned, "You okay?"

"Huh?" She looked away for a second before looking back smiling nervously, "I'm fine…"

She looked up at him and memories flooded into her head… Running into him in the store cupboard… Sitting beside him against a wall… Slapping him…

"Okay…" Sirius said glancing at her curiously, "What _did _Emmy say in her therapy session?"

"Um lots of things." She tried desperately to think of a lie to get her out of the Hogshead and as far away from him as possible. "Mainly that she didn't have a date to the ball and that we could keep her company." The tinge of bitterness in her voice was not lost on Sirius.

"Is that why you were fuming mad when you knocked me over?"

"Now that you mention it yes."

She remembered the close proximity they'd experienced when she'd knocked him over… She'd been right on top of him…

"Did you tell her there was no way in the world you were going to share Gooble with her?"

"No I told Gooble that." She said with a gulp.

"What did he say?"

"Um…" She tried to recall his words but was distracted by the memory of knocking Sirius over at the three broomsticks, "He said it would be good to give her some company… Said something about having dated her and being close since then and…"

She took a deep breath.

"That's a laugh." Sirius muttered, "That relationship doesn't count as a relationship. Before you Frederick Gooble hadn't really had a girlfriend… For a few weeks he claimed that he and Emmy were going out but all they did was talk. Actually… Are you really his girlfriend? Or are you just one of his platonic play toys?" Sirius turned on her questioningly. She could tell it was a question he'd been burning to ask which only made her more nervous.

"Uh well… We've kissed but…"

"Oh." His face fell for a moment. They really were going out then? She really did like Frederick pussy Gooble? How could she possibly like Frederick pussy Gooble?

"I have to go."

Sirius shook his head and frowned, "What? Where?"

"Uh… Home. School. Got to finish… that thing…" She stood quickly knocking over a bottle of butterbeer as she went, "Plus, the butterbeer is getting a bit much for me… Never could hold my liquor very well… Well ever seeing as I've never really had this much before…I've already said that haven't I?" She shook her head hopelessly, "I have to go."

She rushed out the door, running into a small dumpy man covered from head to foot with snow. Cursing dwarfism, bad eye sight, butterbeer and Sirius Black she hurried through the village weaving in and out of cloaked figures. Everybody seemed to be enjoying themselves… But she couldn't… Not with the thought of Sirius Black…

She cursed him again quickening her pace, breaking into a run. She wasn't much of a runner; she'd always fallen short of breath… But she had to get back to Hogwarts… Back to the safe confines of her dormitory so she could figure out what to do…

Jane was still on her bed where she'd been hours before. Lydia rushed in, falling against the door, panting for breath…

"I like Sirius Black."

"What?"

"I like Sirius Black."

"Honey, join the club."

"This can't be happening."

She began to pace, shaking her head as she did.

"He's an immature berk who's only interested in getting into girls' pants…"

"He can get into my pants anytime…"

"I mean, he's good looking but he's not… He's not…"

"_Just_ good looking? There's something wrong with you."

"He's not Prince Charming."

Jane blinked uncertainly. "Come again?"

Lydia shook her head, "Never mind."

"No, no you just said he's not Prince Charming." Jane smiled coyly, "do you, do you have a Prince Charming?"

"Well…" Lydia sighed, resigned to her embarrassment, "Frederick is the closest to what I imagine my Prince Charming to be."

"And what's that?" She asked curiously.

"Well, he's got… He's got this amazing smile, that's sweet and honest… He's… Well I've always imagined he has blonde hair and he's neat and he works hard and… Well yeah." She finished lamely.

"You know." Jane began, "My Prince Charming has red hair. I've always thought that that's bizarre."

"You have a Prince Charming?" Lydia asked raising an eyebrow. She lowered herself cautiously onto the bed. The first person she'd gone to about dating had been Jane. After all she was more than qualified to give advice having had so much experience. But Jane wasn't someone she talked to about deep dark secrets and Prince Charming. In fact, most of the time they didn't really have much to say to each other at all except for 'The teachers are getting me down' and 'I'll never get through this year' – comments that were barely worth noting. It surprised Lydia that she could forgo such information without a second thought.

"Well yeah." Jane admitted with a laugh, "Who doesn't? I mean… I've never told anyone, and I've never called him Prince Charming but… Yeah of course I do."

Lydia blinked, "You're not having me on?"

"No." Jane said shaking her head. She smiled at Lydia warmly and said; "Don't worry about Black. It's practically a right of passage in this school to want to jump Black." Lydia opened her mouth to say that she certainly didn't want to 'jump' Black or anyone else for that matter, but Jane spoke first, "If you've found Prince Charming then good for you. Not many people have. If that's going well for you, just stick with it."

Lydia turned away for a moment and put aside her surprise at being able to share secrets with Jane and focused on the feasibility of what she'd suggested.

It was then that she decided to ignore her feelings for Sirius. They were probably just the result of her fight with Frederick who she was much more attracted to. Frederick was the guy she'd been dreaming about for years; the guy she'd waited for. She wasn't about to throw that away because she felt a sliver of attraction for somebody else and she wasn't going to let that sliver turn into something all together more worrying either... She vowed not to go anywhere near Sirius Black again.

* * *

**Thanks to all the awesome people who reviewed the last chapter! Thank yous and replies are in the mail :)**

** Mmm... In exchange for a review (Positive or otherwise, small or large) I'll be giving away a trip to the Hogshead (Bartender not included) with a slightly tipsy Sirius, a lovey dovey James, a sweet and heavenly Remus (Points go to me for making him sound like food :) and Frederick Gooble and Emmy Jones doing some sort of caveman dance as entertainment. Please Review:)  
**


	13. Honky Tonk Woman

**A/N I know I know… SHE'S UPDATING??? SO SOON????? _Insert Regina George voice_ _here_ What is **_**happening **_**to the world? ******** I'm not sure how some of you will take to this chapter… Frederick Gooble haters will find it a bit annoying and will probably want to send viruses to my email account to stop me writing (I hate Gooble so I'm considering just doing it myself and getting it over and done with) but I thought I should finalise what's going to happen in the future… Anyway, I'll just stop ranting and get on with it.  
Special mention to **xmusecliox** who is the mind behind the Peter standing in a hoop, saying 'Will I fit in this?' I thought it was great and so I put it in. :)  
**

* * *

**Chapter Thirteen – Honky Tonk Woman**

"So you're still speaking to Gooble?" Lily asked sceptically.

"Yes, I cleared it up with him." Lydia muttered, looking uninterested. It was old news. They had survived their first fight. After deciding that he was indeed her Prince Charming she had marched around the castle to find him and had on finding him explained that while it did bother her that Emmy Jones was accompanying them to the ball, she could put up with it if he promised to stay by her side all night and not leave at any point to comfort Emmy. He had agreed to these terms and the two of them had spent a quiet comfortable evening in the library. "Are you still speaking to Potter?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well, one date lasts at least half an hour. That's enough time for Potter to do something stupid."

Lily smiled, "Well… Actually, he didn't."

Lydia looked up from her toast surprised, "So it went well then?"

"Actually, it went very well. We're going to the ball together."

"Really?"

"Really."

Lydia glanced at the Gryffindor table. James certainly did seem happy. He was glancing over to the Ravenclaw table every now and then with a small smile on his face.

Lydia's gaze fell on Sirius. He was sitting opposite to James, facing the Ravenclaw table. He was engaged in a conversation with Peter that seemed to have him falling about laughing.

Lydia turned away quickly.

"So." Lily said taking a bite of her toast, "If you ran out on your big date early, what did you do?"

"Oh I… Just browsed around…"

Lily nodded, but then froze and whispered, "James is coming over here!"

"So?"

"So… Pretend I've said something interesting."

"Oh, Lily that's so interesting…" Lydia said feebly as James reached the table. He threw her a look of curiosity before turning to Lily with a smile.

"Hey."

"Hi." She replied nodding her head. Lydia glanced between the two of them who seemed content to nod at each other for the rest of the morning. She cleared her throat loudly coaxing James into speech.

"So, er… Do you want to sit with us?" He directed the question at Lily but looked at Lydia to extend the invitation.

Lydia looked over at Sirius.

"I'll pass." She said tearing off a mouthful of toast vindictively.

"Lily?"

"Oh yeah sure…" She looked back at Lydia, "Do you mind?"

"No. Of course not."

She watched Lily settle into the seat next to James. If Lily was sitting with James there was no reason why she couldn't sit with Frederick. After all, they were going out. They were certainly entitled to sit next to each other.

She looked over at the Hufflepuff table.

Why not?

She stood tenderly and took a few awkward steps. What stupidity. She didn't need to be nervous about sitting next to her boyfriend at meal times!

Shaking her head, she strolled confidently to the Hufflepuff table and slid in next to Frederick.

"Hi." She said brightly flashing him a smile.

He smiled back and said, "Hi."

"So… What are you eating?"

"A croissant."

He held up the pastry and Lydia wrinkled her nose in disgust.

_He likes croissants?_

"You don't like croissants?" He asked raising an eyebrow.

"Well… No… Actually… Ever since my brother threw a few up on me I've never really been very partial to them."

"That's a shame." Frederick said glancing at the front page of the Daily Prophet, "Don't go to France."

"No… I'd rather go somewhere tropical."

He nodded, "Do you want to catch up in the library later?"

"Uh… Sure."

"Cool."

"Yep."

She looked at the boy opposite her. He was a rather large boy with round glasses; he was staring at her with his mouth hanging open slightly. She gave him a small smile but he didn't return it; instead he simply stared.

"Well I'm going to charms." Lydia said hurriedly.

"Bye." Frederick said with a warm smile.

She smiled back, remembering that that smile was what she wanted.

* * *

Morning break was always rather dull for Lydia. Lily usually wasn't in her morning classes and Frederick was always on some work mission in the library. Most mornings, she simply spent it walking the corridors and getting a bit of exercise before her next class.

That morning as she patrolled the corridors (occasionally flashing her prefect badge at any second years running too fast) she mentally put together her outfit for the ball. It was after all the last day of term and the Christmas ball lay on Christmas eve; four days away. She wasn't entirely sure whether her dress robes were entirely appropriate for Frederick; she wanted to make a good impression for him at the ball as she had failed so miserably in Hogsmeade. Her dress robes were bordering on worn out and she didn't want to look like she hadn't gone to any effort.

When the bell rang, she made her way to potions with only the solace of knowing she was about to see the subject of her thoughts. Frederick met her at the doorway of the dungeons with a swift kiss on the cheek.

"I've done some really quick research," He told her as they set up their cauldron, "And I think we can be done by the end of this lesson."

Lydia looked up surprised, "Really?"

"Really."

"Wow… So, what do I need to do?"

He looked up for a moment his smile faltering.

"To be honest, I'd prefer if I did it. This bit is complicated and… Well, I did the research and I just thought that maybe you could have a rest…?"

Her smile faltered too. She had been looking forward to doing practical work with him after so many lessons of theory.

"Oh..."

"You could take these back though." He said issuing the lead tablets sitting on the desk.

She nodded, picking them up with difficulty and making her way towards the potions store cupboard slightly angry.

Did he think she was bad at potions? Did he not think her capable of doing something as simple as cutting up ingredients? Did he just not want to spend time in her company? What other explanation was there?

She dropped the stones on the floor with a thud and immediately regretted it because the last one fell squarely on her toe.

"Oh fuck…"

She jumped into the air in shock and then quickly grabbed the cupboard for support. It whined beneath her grip and began to move. Realising what was happening she tried fruitlessly to pull away… But it was too late; the entire shelf came loose and fell to the floor with a roaring crash bringing her down with it.

"Oh bloody." She moaned looking around at the broken jars.

Someone appeared at the door frame.

"We spent a week sorting those Krazzaz crystals out!" Sirius said his jaw dropping in shock at the mess. Lydia looked up at him her mouth hanging open in shock.

_Oh great, just what I need… Sirius Black…_

Ignoring the uncomfortable feelings in her belly, she cleared her throat and said; "Yes and it took all of thirty seconds to mess them up again. Funny how that works."

Sirius chuckled grabbing her by the arms and hoisting her up. Once she was on her feet she pulled away quickly, brushing down her robes.

"I'll help you if you want." He said issuing the mess, "My nut case of a potions partner is on holiday already so I couldn't honestly be bothered to do any work."

Lydia bit her lip. She'd made a silent vow to try and avoid him! She looked around at the massive mess at their feet. It would take a week at least for her to clean it up by herself. There was no way Frederick was going to help her; he was too absorbed in finishing their potion before Christmas.

She sighed. Maybe, everything would be alright. Maybe spending time in Sirius Black's company wouldn't increase her attraction for him. It was worth testing the waters before running away hysterically wasn't it?

"Sure, that'd be great."

They both shuffled through the clutter at their feet and began to pick up the jars that hadn't been broken in the fall. Many of them were filled with things like Butterbus puss and dragon dung and Lydia was eternally grateful to the witch or wizard who'd invented the charm to make objects unbreakable.

Eventually, after they'd gotten over how much mess there really was to clean up (and Lydia had overcome her anxiety at being in such close proximity to Sirius Black), they began to talk. She still felt rather nervous, but talking wasn't so bad… Was it?

The topic of conversation shifted several times until it landed on the Christmas Ball. Sirius mentioned his dislike for his dress robes and Lydia became curious. Who was Sirius going to the ball with if Emmy Jones was accompanying her and Frederick?

"Who are you going to the ball with?" She asked trying to ignore the smelly fumes rising from the puddle of green liquid spilled on the floor.

Sirius chuckled wrinkling his nose in disgust, "I'm going dateless."

"Sirius Black going dateless?" Lydia snorted, "This isn't to do with a vow of celibacy by any chance is it?"

"As a matter of fact that's exactly what it's to do with." Sirius said brightly, "But this time it's actually going to work.

"Really? Don't you think considering the last three failed attempts that maybe it's not really working out for you?"

"No I don't. Seeing as I've never had the fear of being punched before… Well okay I have… Many times… But not by Emmy Jones. She may have chicken arms but my God she's got a good left hook."

Lydia laughed but immediately stopped. She had to stop talking to him now. She had to clean up and get out of there pronto. One witty comment had brought about all the feelings she feared. Talking to Sirius Black _did _increase said attraction for Sirius Black.

She quickened her pace.

"So are you still having a threesome then?"

"What?" Lydia asked, stunned.

"Not that kind of… I meant, are you still going with Frederick and Emmy?"

"Uh yes." She said shortly, grabbing an unbroken jar of Krazzaz crystals to stack it back on the shelf neatly, the glass was slippery from the green liquid on the floor and in her rush to get out into the dungeons, it slipped through her fingers.

Sickly sweet fumes filled the store cupboard and over powered the revolting ones caused by the green liquid.

"God those things are powerful!" Sirius exclaimed covering his nose.

She could feel herself falling into a state of calm, she tried to stand up but fell to her knees.

"Lydia?" Sirius asked cautiously, "Are you okay?"

She started to feel very at one with the world. Suddenly it didn't matter that she was within three feet of Sirius Black. It didn't matter that her dress robes were ancient and that Frederick was acting uninterested in her. She felt her eyes flutter closed.

Someone grabbed her and pulled her backwards away from the fumes. She fell against the wall calmly.

Suddenly the sickly sweet smell dissipated and her eyes flickered open. She became aware of her surroundings and the fact that Sirius' face was an inch from hers and he was asking in a concerned voice "Can you hear me?"

"I can hear you." She said softly, content to be so close to him. She leaned forward slowly...

Her lips brushed softly against his for a moment before she fell back to the floor with a thud.

It took a moment for Sirius to react to this. After a moment the reality of the situation hit him and he rushed to her side.

"Lydia! Oh bloody hell…" He fumbled for his wand frantically, "Enervate!"

She began to stir groggily; first her legs moved, and then her arms, and then finally her eyes flickered open. She blinked uncertainly and then looked up into Sirius' face.

"What happened?" She asked hoarsely.

Sirius looked shocked, he stood and said, "You spilled those Krazzaz crystals, and the fumes… They knocked you out."

"Oh…" She looked around, still feeling quite calm. She looked over at Sirius who was giving her a strange look. "What's wrong?"

"Before you passed out you kissed me."

_Wait… WHAT?_

She stared up at him her mouth hanging open slightly, "I what?"

"Well you almost did anyway." His voice was even, very even. Too even. Far more even than hers was going to be when she replied. As even as a voice had ever been she decided, "You went to kiss me and you passed out."

She went to say something like 'I had no idea what I was doing!' but couldn't form the words. She tried feebly to get her mouth around, "If this is a prank I'm going to knock you in the head with the jar, forget the bloody crystals," but couldn't. She stood slowly, trying to regain her balance. The room was slightly fuzzy. Why was the room fuzzy? She couldn't distinguish between the nausea caused by the crystals and the nausea caused by having almost kissed Sirius Black.

The nausea of _wanting_ to kiss Sirius Black.

"I… I…"

She gulped.

"Don't tell Frederick." She said guiltily and rushed out.

* * *

That night at dinner Sirius simply played with his food. He glanced at the Ravenclaw table every now and then but couldn't see Lydia. He couldn't figure out what worried him more; the fact that Lydia had almost kissed him (Lydia still being the same uptight bossy girl he'd met weeks before) or the fact that Lydia had almost kissed him and was going out with Frederick pussy Gooble and not him.

"What's up with you?" James asked his mouth full of mashed potato.

"Long story." Sirius muttered.

Remus rolled his eyes, "If this is a girl thing then I don't want to hear it."

"Good then, I'll brood silently."

James raised his eyebrow, "I thought you'd taken a vow of celibacy."

"I have!" Sirius exclaimed in injustice, "And it's not like I've broken it. It's just… Well."

He sighed.

"Johnson tried to kiss me."

James spluttered on his pumpkin juice, "_Lydia_ Johnson?"

"Yes, Prongs, how many other Johnson's do I know?" Sirius asked irritably.

"I don't mean to offend you or anything but how did that _possibly_ happen? The girl hates you!" Peter said looking confused.

"Well she was slightly intoxicated at the time…" He looked at the three shocked faces and said with a roll of his eyes, "Unintentionally! She broke a jar of Krazzaz crystals and got high on the fumes."

"Jesus Padfoot." Peter muttered miserably, "If you need to dope girls with Krazzaz crystals for a kiss what hope do the rest of us have?"

James chuckled.

"I didn't dope her!" Sirius said outraged, "She doped herself!"

"It doesn't matter either way does it?" Remus said briskly, "she still had no idea what she was doing."

"I realise that." Sirius said impatiently, "It's her reaction on coming around that's worrying."

"What'd she do?" James asked.

"She told me not to tell her boyfriend." Sirius muttered glancing at the Hufflepuff table bitterly, "Wouldn't you think that if trying to kiss me was entirely due to being doped up she would have been a bit calmer?"

"Probably." Remus sighed, he looked up at Sirius tiredly, "Do you like her or not?"

Sirius spluttered, "That's beside the point!"

"Is it?" Remus asked raising an eyebrow.

"Yes." Sirius said, "Because there is no _way_ I'm giving up on celibacy now. If any girl wants to kiss me then they're going to have to lethally poison me with pink Krazzaz crystals to do it…" He stopped speaking mid sentence his mouth gaping slightly.

"What?" James asked.

"Pink Krazzaz crystals." He said blinking, looking like a stunned fish.

"Yeah…?" Peter asked issuing for him to continue.

"Why didn't I think of that before?!"

"Before what?" James asked frowning. "What are you on about?"

But Sirius had jumped up from the table and hurried off. He grabbed a book from his bag and flicked through it to the 'K' section. Nearly running into a group of timid first years as he descended the stairs, he sped read through the qualities of Pink Krazzaz crystals.

_A recent discovery… Found deep in the ground… Calming effects… Most effective around the full moon and the new moon…_

He burst through the dungeon doors and grabbed a cauldron; he pulled out his progress notes and slapped them down on the table hurriedly. Grabbing the ingredients he needed from the store cupboard (which was now clean) he set to work.

* * *

Sirius spent the first few days of the Christmas holidays in the dungeons. Occasionally Professor Slughorn would check in on him and suggest that he join in the festive fun upstairs (James had been letting off Christmas fire works all morning) but Sirius ignored him; determined to finish what he'd started.

At first, adding Krazzaz crystals had not brought about any results worth noting. A few clouds of steam were given off but that certainly wasn't the dramatic change he'd needed. He'd set about changing ratios and a couple of ingredients and had received for his efforts a few slightly more promising results. It was only the day before Christmas Eve that the dramatic change he'd been waiting for occurred.

At first, he was worried that the fire was too hot, for the substance had began to bubble dramatically, but a moment later he realised that high heat wouldn't bring about a colour change. The concrete grey substance turned orange in an instant and became still.

He blinked uncertainly, reaching for the two flasks sitting by his cauldron and dipped them into the orange substance uncertainly.

He rushed out of the dungeons nearly tripping on his way up the stairs. He pushed his way through the crowd of students hanging around the Great Hall watching the decorations for the ball being put in place and raced up to the Gryffindor common room.

"Grindylow." He gasped at the fat lady portrait.

She swung forward revealing an empty common sans three seventh year boys who were practising for their apparation tests.

Peter appeared to be holding a hoop of some kind with a look of complete worry written all over his face, "Will I fit in this?"

"You've got until March mate." Remus said, in his 'placating' voice.

James turned his attention away from Peter's crisis and turned to Sirius questioningly.

"Are you ready to explain where you've been the last few days?" Sirius side stepped James and his question and halted in front of Remus who looked confused. He took a small object from his pocket, flicked a button on the side so it whirred into life and panted; "Mooney, yell."

"What?" Remus asked furrowing his eyebrows.

"Yell." Sirius gasped.

"What the heck are you up to Sirius-?"

"Just yell!" Sirius exclaimed losing patience.

Remus blinked. He threw Sirius a glance of curiosity before throwing back his head and giving a loud shout.

"Now drink this." He ordered shoving the flask into Remus' hands, his eyes still on the small object.

Remus looked at him as if he was mad, "Sirius I am not drinking a mysterious orange potion…"

"Just do it." Sirius said his eyes flashing dangerously.

Remus shook his head, pulled out the cork and swallowed the contents of the flask in one swift gulp.

He shuddered and said; "That's disgusting."

"Excellent, now yell again."

Remus was looking very irritated at this point; he frowned before throwing back his head once more and shouting.

Sirius' eyes were glued to the small object in his hand. A few moments passed as the three boys stood around their friend, each exchanging strange looks.

A number flashed before Sirius' eyes.

"Yes!" He exclaimed, he jumped once on the spot in ecstasy and then turned into a black dog swiftly, running in circles after his tail.

"Should we have him admitted to St Mungo's?" James asked an eyebrow ascending to his hairline.

He swiftly turned into a human again and said with a massive grin; "I did it!"

"Did what exactly?" Remus asked.

"I had a breakthrough!"

"With what?" James exclaimed impatiently.

"My potion work." Sirius answered fetching a piece of paper from his pocket and jotting something down.

"You're excited about school work?" Peter asked clearly worrying about Sirius' mental state.

"There's a first time for everything I suppose." James said.

"No you idiots!" Sirius said turning to Mooney, "I've just gotten to the next step on the Wolfsbane potion."

Remus blinked. He stared at him uncertainly for a few seconds, "You're sure…?"

"Damn sure… I mean obviously I have to check a few things and get it verified by Slughorn, and I'll admit I'm not _completely _sure about the comparison between a werewolf's howl and a werewolf's shout while he's in human state… But otherwise, yeah."

Remus' uncertainty faltered and a smile began to form on his lips. He broke into a full grin.

"Why didn't you just explain that?" Peter asked still looking a bit confused.

"Butter beer!" James exclaimed slapping Sirius on the back.

"Thank you." Remus said, still grinning widely.

"What are mates for?" Sirius cried, as James slapped Remus on the back for good measure before heading upstairs to retrieve some drinks. Sirius bid them a grin good bye and headed out the portrait hole to retrieve the rest of the potion.

* * *

_The reformation marked a place in history that…_

Lydia read the words over and over again. If she had in fact been paying attention she would have realised that the book she was reading was not 'A Dummy's Guide to Potions' but in fact an ancient and very drawn out book about Goblin rebellions.

She looked over at Frederick again. He was still absorbed in his Transfiguration notes.

She was torn between a number of feelings. Guilt, confusion, humiliation… Mainly humiliation.

She was sure that kissing the boy you weren't dating was against many laws – dating laws for instance, and perhaps the Ten Commandments. There was something in there about treating your neighbour the way you wanted to be treated, she was sure of it.

But she couldn't very well help it. She had after all, been knocked out by Krazzaz crystals.

_Stop lying. You wanted to kiss Sirius, you horrible pathetic slag._

_Did not. As if I want to kiss Sirius. I'm much more attracted to Frederick. _

_Liar._

_I'm not a bloody liar!_

_Yes you are._

_No you're the liar! I never actually kissed Sirius anyway._

_Still wanted to._

_Did not._

_Did so._

_Did not._

_Then why are you so guilty?_

Cursing both voices audibly she slammed 'The age of treasures – A guide to the Goblin rebellion' on the desk loudly, causing Frederick to look up startled and Miss Pince to march over, her pointy upturned nose wrinkled in disgust.

"Miss Johnson, do be quiet! And stop damaging the books!" She snapped, snatching the book off the desk and marching off to put it back.

Lydia scowled after her. Horrid woman. As if she had any idea how hard it was to choose between Sirius and Frederick.

_For the last bloody time you don't have to choose! _She thought with a groan, _Frederick is your boyfriend and you only think you like Sirius but in reality…_

_Just shut up brain!_

"Do you want to go?" She asked Frederick briskly, tapping her foot.

"Uh, it's only early." He said looking confused.

"Exactly." She exclaimed brightly, closing his book for him and grabbing him by the arm. On the way out Madame Pince glowered at her tempestuously, clutching a book to her chest protectively.

"What exactly are we doing?" Frederick asked dubiously.

Lydia didn't answer, too preoccupied with her thoughts. She had waited far too long for a decent kiss. She was going to seal the deal. Literally. Metaphorically…

Whatever.

She was going to prove to herself that kissing Frederick Gooble was much more satisfying than kissing Sirius. Or almost kissing Sirius…

She hadn't actually kissed him.

The thought wasn't really much solace to her. Almost, was just as bad.

And wanting to…

_I didn't want to kiss him! I don't want to kiss him! And I never EVER will want to kiss him! _She screamed inwardly.

She continued to march down the stairs until she'd reached the entrance to the dungeons. It was quite dark; satisfied that they weren't going to be interrupted by Slughorn (which, knowing Slughorn would end up a very embarrassing experience) she lead him through the dark into what she presumed was the store cupboard.

"Uh okay… I'm still not following… Do you want to add the finishing touches on-."

But what exactly they were adding finishing touches on she never found out because he stopped talking suddenly when she kissed him.

He didn't react for a moment and she felt incredibly foolish. Was she doing the wrong thing? Wasn't he supposed to have reacted by now?

He broke away and said, "Um… Do you want to do this right now?"

"Yeah sure." She said quickly, pulling him back.

After a moment or two he seemed to realise that she wasn't going to take no for an answer and began to respond. Relief flooded her insides.

It was short lived however, because as soon as she stepped forward to make the height distance situation a little easier she tripped on something.

"Oh fuck!" She muttered.

She heard a groan of pain in the dark and whispered in a panic, "Frederick? I'm sorry… Are you okay?"

"I think you bit my lip…"

Cursing her sudden clumsiness (and seriously considering performing a charm of some kind to improve her hand eye coordination, or something like that that might prevent her tripping over _everything_) she whispered, "I'm so sorry… Are you alright? You're not bleeding are you?"

"No I don't think so."

She sighed with relief and kissed him softly in what she hoped was an apologetic manner. He resisted for the second time that night, but she ignored his resistance until he responded; returning the kiss in the same gentle manner.

She suddenly became very aware of where her hands were. Where were her hands supposed to be? Around his neck? Holding his hands? Or at her sides like they were?

And what about her body? Was she supposed to be leaning against him more?

What about that thing that Jane had said? Try not to get too repetitive? What the hell did that mean?

The silence was killing her. Was this really what it was like hooking up in dark corners of the castle? The awkwardness of silence and just standing there basically detaching her lips, with her hands still at her sides like useless chicken wings…?

She lifted her hands shakily and placed them experimentally around his neck. She knew at once that she had done the wrong thing. Her movement had distracted him and he stepped back a bit, stumbling and falling, pulling her down on top of him.

"Ow." She squeaked.

"You okay?"

"I think so. How about you?"

"I think I just broke my neck."

She tried to chuckle but felt much too foolish to do so; instead she steadied herself above him.

He sat up quickly knocking straight into her.

She fell backwards, banging her head against the stone floor in the process. Already sounding angrily from her collision with Frederick, it screamed in agony.

"Are you okay?"

She could hear the echo of footsteps. She assumed they were Frederick's but a moment later light flooded what appeared to be Slughorn's office. She tried to sit up but the room became very fuzzy.

Two figures were hovering over her. One was the figure of her boyfriend and the other was her bemused looking potions Professor.

"Good evening Miss Johnson."

Maybe if she played dead she could avoid the most embarrassing situation she'd ever encountered.

"Miss Johnson?"

Maybe not.

"Professor Slughorn?" She winced sitting up slowly.

"Down here for some last minute touch ups?"

Lydia was reminded painfully of Sirius when he said that. If it had been Sirius who was here, he would have picked up on the pun and probably burst out laughing. Frederick on the other hand missed it and nodded, adding, "Yeah it's completely finished now sir. If you want me to flask some of it for you right now…"

While Frederick sampled some of their potion she mentally berated herself.

_Not only have you completely embarrassed yourself with Frederick, you have thought about Sirius in a more than strictly platonic manner… Again._

She considered grabbing one of the cauldrons from the wall and placing it over her head. It certainly would avert the problem of ever having to look Sirius Black or Frederick Gooble in the eye.

Once Frederick had deemed his sampling skills sufficient they left, not hand in hand and not side by side. Though Lydia was sure Slughorn had known the last thing they were in the dungeons for was potions, they both thought it was safer to keep the illusion of innocence.

When they got to the stairs, Lydia turned, blushing ferociously.

"So that was kind of…"

"Stupid?"

Lydia looked away feeling incredibly foolish, "I was going to say embarrassing, but uh… Stupid works too I guess."

"I'll see you tomorrow." He said briskly. "Oh and Lydia."

She turned around and met his eye.

"We're not doing that again."

She watched him walk away, quite sure that if someone had been looking at her at that moment, they would have run away crying hysterically.

Feeling particularly irate, she thought, _no… Definitely not again…_

* * *

_**Rubs hands together gleefully**_

**Okay, down to business. A pink Krazzaz crystals intoxicated Sirius (Do what you want with him), James and a whole stack of butterbeer, Remus Lupin in general (He's just perfect the way he is :) and Frederick Gooble and a baseball bat (I'm afraid lollies will not appear if you hit him hard... He will bruise though... :)**


	14. Angie

**A/N I am so miserable. The Wallabies lost the quarter finals (And therefore my source of entertainment for Saturday nights is gone), my love life is in tatters, I have three thousand assignments, I'm bloody tired, I have to work tomorrow and all in all, I just want to do the teen angst thing. ANGST.ANGST.ANGST.. Okay, okay. I'll stop doing the teen angst thing. If anyone wants to whine with me go right ahead. **

**This chapter took about twenty hours (Many hours with me just looking at it miserably because I kept getting completely lost) so hopefully it resembles something decent. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing... No really, I don't even own the chapter. It's basically taken word for word from the Yule Ball chapter of the Goblet of Fire _Whistles innocently _:)  
**

* * *

**Chapter Fourteen - Angie **

Lydia stared at herself long and hard. She pointed her chin down towards her neck and then lifted her head. She pouted, she bared her teeth and she smiled. Nothing convinced her that scarlet lip stick looked even remotely attractive on her lips.

"I think it looks good on you." Lily said reassuringly.

"I don't want to sound like a shallow teenager here." Lydia said, sure that she was indeed _becoming_ a shallow teenager, "But are you completely sure?"

"You've just never tried it before." Lily said waving off her insecurities, "Embrace change."

Lydia looked back at her own reflection. Embrace change? _Embrace change?_ She hated change, little barstard of a thing. Once upon a time she would not have felt attracted to Sirius, but something had _changed _and she'd attempted to kiss him in a potions store cupboard under the influence of Krazzaz crystal fumes.

Yes change was a little barstard with deadly fangs.

"Plus, Frederick Gooble will think it looks hot." Jane said with a nod.

Frederick Gooble would think it was hot? Lydia was becoming more convinced by the minute that Frederick didn't see hot. Frederick Gooble didn't see anything it seemed except the bloody path to the library.

"Do you think Emmy Jones will think it's hot?" Lydia asked sarcastically pulling at her blonde curls self consciously.

Jane and Lily sniggered.

Lydia looked down at her red dress, she was becoming more convinced by the second that red wasn't her colour. The only reason she had consented to having a red dress was because she had dark red robes.

"I don't think I'm going." She said.

"What?" Lily exclaimed, "You have to go! I don't mean to sound like a shallow teenager here but it _is_ the last ball you will ever attend at Hogwarts, you're in seventh year."

Lydia sighed and took a look at her reflection again.

"Fine." She said bitterly.

The three girls had spent all of four hours getting ready. Showering, hair washing, exfoliating, hair styling, nail painting, make up applying… The list went on and on. Now only fifteen minutes from the ball starting, they were staring to look ready.

"I'm excited." Jane squealed.

"Good for you." Lydia muttered.

"Oh snap out of it will you?!" Lily said impatiently, "Look, you're going out with Frederick! He knows that! Tonight things will be better, I promise."

Lydia turned back to her own reflection; her own doubting expression. She sighed and then nodded. Things would be alright. Frederick wouldn't ignore her at the ball. They had a chance to fix everything.

* * *

"You cut off my supply early!" Sirius whined as James looked himself over in the mirror, running a hand through his hair nervously. 

"I didn't want you intoxicated for the ball." James said shortly. Sirius had been drinking butterbeer since his great breakthrough the day before. Twenty six hours of an intoxicated Sirius had been quite entertaining to start with, but had fast become very irksome especially when James was trying very hard not to vomit all over the floor due to nerves. Shuddering at the thought of accidentally vomiting on Lily he ran his hand through his hair… _Again._

Sirius rolled his eyes and said; "Look, Prongs, no matter how many times you do that you're not going to make your hair any messier."

"What?" James said absently his hand in his hair.

"You'll do fine with Lily." Remus said patting him on the back reassuringly as he fastened his watch, "Just don't be you."

"Oh thanks Mooney," James said sarcastically.

"I meant the bad parts." Remus said with a grin.

"Of course you did." James muttered.

"Okay… I'm coming out!" Peter yelled from the bathroom.

"God help us." Sirius muttered. "Why can't we just stay here and celebrate my great break through?"

"We've already celebrated your breakthrough! Besides, we've got dates. Quit whingeing and be happy or get a date and be happy." James said impatiently, "Come on Wormtail we're not waiting all bloody night."

Wormtail emerged, looking quite charming. His new blue dress robes suited him.

"Do you think she'll like it?" Wormtail asked referring to the look he had donned for the ball.

"Mate, she'll love it." James said.

"Look at all that butterbeer." Sirius protested pointing to the butterbeer on James' bedside table.

"There'll be butter beer at the ball." Remus said. And then quietly under his breath he muttered, "Unfortunately for anyone who has to sit at your table."

"Yeah well… There'll be a Lydia Johnson too..." Sirius muttered himself.

"What was that?" James asked.

"Nothing. I'm just saying I think the whole celibacy plan might be tarnished if I go to the ball… All those pretty girls… In revealing dresses… I might just shag them all!"

"You're coming." Remus said with a smirk as James threw his head back and roared with laughter, "Not coming, because you're afraid you'll give into testosterone and hormones, is not exercising your abstinence skills."

"That and I need someone to show me how to dance properly." James spluttered, still laughing heartily, "Lily's an expert."

Sirius sighed looking up at the three of them as if they were traitors; Remus still smirking slightly though looking like he was trying hard not to, James laughing and Peter vainly trying to suck in his cheeks obviously worried about the chubbiness of his face.

"Well how can I possibly say no then?" He exclaimed standing up, "Come on, let's get it over with…"

* * *

The entrance hall was littered with brightly coloured figures, throwing Lydia off balance straight away. The effect of so many fluoro colours was nauseating and she wondered briefly if it should be illegal for someone as ruddy faced as Mildred Capperwhale, to wear a dress as yellow as the one she was wearing. 

She pulled her red robes around her tighter and scanned the entrance hall. Lily had gone off in some mundane search for James, and Jane was surrounded by several hundred of her Hufflepuff friends who were all squealing loudly.

She spotted Emmy before she spotted Frederick. Emmy was dressed in a sickeningly bright pink dress and had her silky hair pinned up to perfection. If the dress colours were anything to go by, Lydia knew they were going to clash horribly.

Standing beside her was Frederick Gooble, who was wearing handsome black robes. He was smiling widely at something Emmy had just whispered in his ear. Whingeing inwardly to God about the unfairness of having a boyfriend who wasn't interested in her and having to share him with the best looking girl in the school, Lydia walked over to them with a smile that looked more like a grimace.

"Hi." She said frostily.

"Hello." He replied kissing her softly on the cheek. It was barely noticeable, but Frederick drew away from the kiss slightly faster than usual and Lydia was reminded painfully of their experience the evening before hand.

Wishing the entrance hall floor would swallow her whole she looked away from Frederick to avoid an awkward glance of some kind.

As she did, she looked straight up at Sirius Black who was descending the stairs two at a time.

His robes hung over his arm carelessly. He was the only boy in the hall who had already taken them off. His first few buttons were undone and Lydia thought that that was probably deliberate on his part. She noticed with an uncomfortable feeling in her belly that was far too clichéd and romantic for her liking that his mouth opened slightly at the sight of her.

She turned away quickly and pushed Emmy and Frederick into the hall. The last thing she needed was a confrontation.

The hall was decorated superbly. It was quite dark but the affect was marvellous. It appeared to be snowing lightly but the snow flakes faded into nothingness before reaching the heads of the students. The only sources of light were the fireflies flying around that had obviously been bewitched. The light they created cascaded off the crystal chandelier in the middle of the great hall and speckled the entire hall with pretty transparent spots - spots Lydia had always associated with her Father's most prized muggle possession; his disco ball.

Lydia watched Sirius Black out of the corner of her eye as he strode over to a table occupied by his friends. Lily was there and was laughing at something James had just said. For a moment, she wished she was there, sitting beside Sirius listening to James tell jokes.

She shook her head furiously and tried to squander every single tiny ounce of her that felt attracted to Sirius (which unfortunately, seemed to be most of her.) She needed to give Frederick a chance, she could forgive him for his disinterest in kissing her and his insistence on being within a meter of Emmy Jones at all times if he just did his Prince Charming act one more time.

_But… _A small voice said in her head, _He's never really done it once in the first place  
_

She pulled out a chair violently and fell into it.

"Someone's not in a good mood." Emmy remarked with a smirk, " Frederick, could you please get me a drink."

"Of course."

Lydia waited for him to ask her if she wanted anything, but he stood and walked away without saying anything.

She stole another glance at Sirius' table. He looked slightly sullen. He was sitting next to a pretty brunette who was busy having an in depth conversation with Remus Lupin. Across from him Lily and James were only interesting in telling jokes to each other and even Peter was enthralled in his date (a date who seemed to be pretty enthralled in him too.)

"You know he's not that into you."

Lydia's head shot up. Blinking she looked at Emmy confused and said, "What?"

" Frederick." Emmy said with a smile that Lydia didn't trust, "He's not that into you. Don't take it personally. He's just not really into anyone."

Lydia felt like she'd been slapped. She felt like saying 'You know nothing! You seven foot, clear skinned shiny haired Barbie doll!'

Instead she looked at Emmy vindictively and said, "Thanks. But until he tells me that himself… Don't be too offended if I don't take your words to heart."

Emmy glared at her.

"Butterbeer." Frederick said placing a glass down in front of Emmy, he looked at Lydia for a moment and then realised, "Oh I completely forgot! Do you want me to get you some?"

Lydia gaped at him. Several sarcastic comments floated through her mind like 'Nah, you think?' and 'Bit late' and 'No it's fine, I'm on this new diet where you don't drink. At all. Ever. It's meant for suicidal teenagers who are sick of their boyfriends.'

She closed her mouth, stood and said, "No thanks. I'll get it myself."

Daring to throw Emmy a glare, she marched towards the bar. As she did, she watched out of the corner of her eye as Sirius stood and looked in her direction.

"Fire whisky." She demanded her heart speeding up to the point she felt it was about to jump out of her chest cavity. She stared ahead determinedly. She knew Sirius Black was heading her way, no doubt with the illusion that he was about to question her about their run in in the potions store cupboard days before… but she didn't care in the slightest. She had nothing to tell him on the matter.

"Mulled mead." She heard him say. She heard him clear his throat no doubt trying to catch her attention. Well that certainly wasn't going to work. He could French kiss the bar tender for all she cared; she wasn't turning to look his way.

"Look I've already forgotten about it." He said. She could imagine the placating look on his face. She immediately wondered why because Sirius had never been placating before. Was it placating?

Infuriated that curiosity had such a hold on her decisions she stole a glance at him and noticed that her guess had been accurate, "Forgotten what?"

Sighing in a frustrated manner (that she recognised more easily) he said; "Fine. Just fine."

"Fine." She replied still looking at the bartender. He didn't look very used to the attention, glancing uncomfortably at her every now and then as if glancing uncomfortably might make her look away.

"I got to the next step with the wolfsbane potion."

Her head snapped around fast, "You did?"

He nodded.

"Wow!" She said momentarily forgetting that she was trying to ignore him, "Congratulations. I honestly didn't think you'd do it."

"Well ye of little faith, I'm honoured to prove you wrong." He said with a grin.

Biting back a laugh she looked away quickly. Why hadn't she been gifted at alleviating awkward social moments? Why oh why was she so cursed?

"Anyway." Sirius said, now looking away himself. "You look really great tonight."

She snorted and looked at him to confirm her suspicions that he was fooling with her emotions. She was caught off guard however as there was no sign of malice or dishonest in his expression.

Her mouth fell open slightly and she tried to say 'Thankyou' but couldn't.

"Here." The bar tender said gruffly slamming the fire whisky down on the counter.

Lydia looked up at him distractedly, "I uh, thanks."

She hurried away, avoiding Sirius' glance as she did. It struck her halfway back to her table that Frederick had said nothing about her appearance. Hours and hours of grooming and Sirius Black was the one complementing her. Hours and hours of grooming only to have Sirius Black tie her tummy in knots.

_Fan-Fucking-tastic. _

Jane waved at her happily from a table on the other side of the hall. She waved back with a sigh making a mental note to berate Jane later for making the ball sound so much fun when it actuality it was right up there with wearing croissant vomit.

As Lydia sat down, carefully avoiding Frederick's glance as she did, Emmy looked at her pointedly and said, "What were you talking to Black about?"

"His potions project." Lydia said flatly.

Dumbledore interrupted their rather bitter conversation by standing and coughing politely.

"There are many things to be said," His eyes twinkled, "But I am sure, anything I say will simply hinder the dancing. So, I will say simply; 'Merry Christmas' and, enjoy."

He sat and picked up the silver menu at his table. He scanned it in a bemused manner and said clearly to his plate; "Pork ribs."

The dish appeared in front of him. Unaware that every pair of eyes in the hall was fixed on him he picked up his knife and fork and began to eat.

Conversation began again as students began to scan their menus. Emmy took the only one on the table promptly. She scanned it slowly.

" Frederick, what do you think about Greek salad? Do you think I'd like it?"

Lydia rolled her eyes.

Frederick nodded and said, "Of course you would. Interesting story actually, when I went to Greece in the summer…"

Lydia could hear what he was saying clearly, but she didn't listen. He was after all, addressing Emmy, not her. And his trip to Greece didn't interest her in the slightest.

She looked over at Sirius' table again but this time he was looking back. She felt her face going warm and looked away quickly. The Slytherin who had asked her to the ball weeks before and who was sitting a table away smirked at her in a superior manner and whispered something to his attractive date that had her falling about laughing.

_Wonderful. I'll really recite this to my grandkids one day as one of the best nights of my life… _

" Lydia what do you want?"

"Huh?" She turned and Emmy and Frederick looked at her expectantly, "I'll just have something that doesn't sound French. Or Greek." She smiled at Emmy sarcastically.

"You don't like foreign foods do you?" Frederick asked frowning slightly handing her the menu.

"Nope." She said shortly looking down the list of dishes. There were many dishes that rarely appeared at Hogwarts and others, like Shepherds pie, that were quite common. Finally deciding that she wanted as bigger contrast to Emmy Jones as she could possibly manage, she chose the same dish Dumbledore had chosen. It was obvious by Emmy's look of disdain that a meal like pork ribs was far inferior to her Greek salad.

The air was icy at their table. The entire hall seemed to be enjoying themselves; chatting and laughing merrily much like they did at normal meal times. But Frederick, Emmy and Lydia seemed to be an isolated case of awkwardness. Lydia was sure that on their own, Frederick and Emmy might have engaged in a very interesting conversation, as was obvious by the opening of Frederick's mouth, and the then quick closure of it after an awkward glance her way.

"So Lydia…" Emmy began, "How do you know Sirius?"

Lydia looked up from her pork ribs, "He was my potions partner."

Emmy sniffed, "I suppose he tried the moves on you then?"

Lydia blinked, "No. He didn't."

Frederick glanced up at the both of them as if he was attempting to ease the awkwardness. The fact that he didn't come to her defence worried Lydia. Although, at this point, she was beyond worry when it came to her relationship with Frederick Gooble.

Soon clear plates were being replaced with sweets. Lydia was tucking into a chocolate pudding when the Black Witch band members appeared on the stage. There were cheers from the crowd as the guitarist struck a chord.

Some people put down their sweets and began to dance. Remus Lupin and his brunette girlfriend who Lydia didn't know for instance, were one of the first few on the dance floor.

Soon more than three quarters of Hogwarts was dancing. Lydia glanced at Frederick. He wasn't looking at her, but he was watching the dancing couples. He had to ask her. She could put aside him getting a drink for Emmy and not her and talking to Emmy for the majority of the night and showing disinterest in her and doing whatever else he had done, just as long as he asked her to dance.

_Please let him ask me to dance _

* * *

"Padfoot, why don't you just ask her to dance?" 

Sirius looked across at James. His eyebrow was raised and he had an annoyingly patronising expression written all over his face.

"Who? And why do you call each other such stupid names?" This question came from Remus' date – Sally. She directed it at Remus with a flirtatious smile which momentarily rendered him speechless.

" Lydia Johnson. And our nicknames are a marauder secret." James said filling in the blanks. Lily, whose arms were draped around James neck, rolled her eyes and said pointedly, "_Everything _to do with you four is a marauder secret."

"Sirius Black and Lydia Johnson?" Sally said with a raised eyebrow, "No way."

"Yes way." James argued.

"No way. Sirius is celibate remember? And she's going out with someone. That someone being the biggest wanker in the school…"

"How he can be the biggest wanker in the school and the king of celibacy at the same time, I don't know." James muttered under his breath referring to the nick name Sirius had used before for Frederick Gooble.

"Sirius is also referring to himself in the third person." Peter's date Marcy chipped into the conversation, "This means that Sirius is not in the right state of mind and therefore must be in love."

"Does she have an off switch?" Sirius asked Peter.

"It's in the same place yours is." Remus said with a smirk.

Sirius rolled his eyes and looked back at Lydia. She was sitting beside Frederick and looking at him pointedly. He rolled his eyes again and half heartedly swayed to the sounds of the 'Black Witch.'

"I'm not following, why would you ask Lydia to dance?" Lily asked. She stood still for a moment her arms at her sides and a frown beginning to form.

"Because since she tried to kiss him in the potions store cupboard he's been thinking that maybe he likes her as more than a friend."

"She what?" Lily exclaimed her lower jaw down at her knee caps.

"I never said that!" Sirius cried in injustice, "I've just been… Confused, about why she would try and kiss me. She told me at the bar that's she's already forgotten about it so I suppose it was just the Krazzaz crystals..."

Part of him seriously doubted the truth behind that.

"Pffft." James muttered, "Krazzaz crystals my broom. She's nervous around you."

"How do you know?" Sirius asked.

"Can we establish when and how this 'attempted kiss' happened please?" Lily demanded, though no one paid her heed.

"We were watching when you talked to her at the bar." Remus explained referring to he and his fellow marauders, "She wouldn't look at you properly. That and she keeps looking at you nervously every now and then."

Remembering her glance earlier Sirius realised he was right. "That doesn't mean anything. Besides, I'm still celibate."

"Then why do you keep looking back at her?" James asked knowingly.

"I'm not!" Sirius cried in protest.

"Are." Peter chipped in, "And you're nervous around her too."

"Me nervous? Around a girl? You're mad, you're all bloody mad!"

"You didn't want to come tonight." Peter said with a shrug of his shoulders, "Why would it be a problem unless you're afraid that Lydia Johnson might tarnish the vow."

"You know sometimes Wormtail." James said, "And when I say sometimes I mean 'very rarely,' you actually make a lot of sense."

"I'm not nervous." Sirius said hotly, "And the only reason I keep looking back at her is because I'm trying to get my mind around _why_ she would try and kiss me!"

"Prove it then." James said cutting Lily off who was just about to ask another pesky question, "If you can ask her to dance with your usual air of confidence and then come back at the end of it with the reason why she tried to kiss you – and you can then stop talking about her all together – we'll believe you."

Sirius looked back to the only three people not dancing in the school. A twinge of a feeling he couldn't readily recognise began to niggle at him. He was sure he could do all that, he just wasn't sure when she gave him the answer as to why she had tried to kiss him, he could continue with the vow

"Fine." He sighed

* * *

Lydia sipped her fire whisky quietly. She wasn't quite sure how much time had passed but the Black Witch had belted out eight songs and Frederick Gooble, Emmy Jones and she seemed to be the only students not on the dance floor 

The last chords of a fast erratic tune rang out and the guitarist struck a chord to begin the next song. Lydia recognised it immediately. 'My Bloody Wand' had been one of her favourite songs in fourth year. She begged God for Frederick to ask her to dance.

_Please God… Please let him ask me to dance  
_

" Frederick… Do you want to dance?" Emmy asked battering her eyelashes innocently.

Frederick looked at Lydia cautiously.

"Do you mind if I dance with Emmy?"

Lydia gaped at him. He couldn't be serious. He…could... not... be… serious.

Emmy smiled at her in a sickly sweet way and Lydia felt like hitting her.

"Do you mind?" Frederick repeated .

"No of course not. Go ahead." She said lividly. She expected Frederick to pick up on her anger and ask her again if it was alright. Instead he took Emmy's hand and joined the other countless students on the dance floor .

She felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned around and to her utter dismay felt her heart leap again – as it seemed to nowadays at the arrival of Sirius Black.

"Do you want to dance?"

She glanced at Emmy and Frederick entwined on the dance floor. A twinge of something that could have been Sirius induced lust or acceptance that Frederick Gooble was a prat worked its way into her body.

Clenching her teeth she evaded it with all her might. She wasn't ready for it yet.

"Uh, no thanks." She said trying to smile politely, "I need some air."

She jumped up and rushed outside. It was lightly snowing and the flakes felt fresh on her shoulders. She was tempted to go back in and get her robes but dismissed the thought immediately knowing she couldn't face Sirius or Frederick.

"It'll be relatively painless I promise." Someone's voice rang out in the silence of the night, "I rarely step on toes when I dance… Well I suppose there was one time when I was ten…"

"Are you stalking me now?" She demanded turning and glaring at Sirius accusatively.

"If following you out here is stalking I guess so." He looked at her for a moment with a frown. She looked back mirroring his expression in an irritated manner.

"Alright." He conceded, "I'll admit it… I haven't forgotten that you tried to kiss me… I mean… I'm the main cause of your nastier temper tantrums. How on earth did you end up-"

"Firstly." She said her eyes flashing dangerously as she stalked forward and halted in front of him promptly, "I was under the very dangerous influence of Krazzaz crystals. PINK Krazzaz crystals. The gaga crystal as it's commonly called on the street. Fairy dust. Fairy floss. Pink Tinkerbelle."

"Pink Tinkerbelle?" Sirius asked with a chuckle.

Ignoring him she continued, "Secondly…" She stopped and thought for a moment, "Well I don't have a secondly, but the first reason should be good enough. So if you're harbouring any ridiculous ideas of me being even remotely attracted to you then stop harbouring them. I'm not. Not even. You're attractive but not in any way the kind of attractive I find attractive. I think of you in a strictly platonic manner at all times. Actually sometimes I think of you in a less friendly manner."

"You're beginning to convince me that you're _very_ attracted to me." Sirius said with a raised eyebrow.

"What?" She demanded quickly.

"Well nobody gives a five minute monologue like that if they're not trying to hide something."

"They do so. "

"No they don't." Sirius continued. "You like me."

"No I don't!" She exclaimed, "I like Frederick!"

" Frederick's in there suffocating my ex girlfriend!" Sirius exclaimed, "How naïve are you?"

"I'm not naïve!" Lydia snapped looking at him horrified.

"You are naïve you stupid naïve idiot."

"Don't call me an idiot!" She roared. "I'm not an idiot!"

"Yes you are!" He yelled, "Why won't you admit it?!"

"Because there's nothing to admit!"

"Yes there is!"

"Now you're just going in circles!" She exclaimed in frustration. "This is why I find you completely unbearable. You're so bloody immature."

They stared at each other for a moment, both stubbornly refusing to blink. Lydia became aware that her heart was beating rapidly again and she took a deep breath to try and calm it.

Sirius felt very much like committing a violent act with a blunt object. The confusion whirring inside him was infuriating as was the girl standing in front of him. What had he felt after she'd tried to kiss him? What did he feel now? Confusion, that's what. He considered maybe for a moment that it wasn't a feeling. It was just the absence of a definition of feeling. That's what it was. But knowing what it was didn't help any because he still couldn't define how he was feeling. Angry? No. Sad? No. Happy? No. Excited? No.

He tried in vain to collect his thoughts. He definitely felt curious as to why she'd tried to kiss him. The why to that seemed to keep coming back to the fact that she liked him. Why else would she stand there and defend herself until she was blue in the face? Why didn't she just say 'I didn't know what I was doing,' and be done with it. It was much easier than standing in front of him and giving him fifty street names for pink Krazzaz crystal.

And if she did like him? Well how did he feel? How did he feel that she didn't want to admit it? Well that definitely peeved him off. It had from the very beginning. He felt the same way about that as he had about her going out with Frederick pussy Gooble. That had _really_ pissed him off.

It pissed him off he supposed, because it was so strange. Strangeness was infuriating because it was so difficult to understand. Why would she not want to go out with him? Why would she want to go out with Frederick Gooble?

And he realised then that that was probably why he liked her. Because she was strange and was scarily unpredictable. Because that made her interesting and unlike Emmy Jones. And maybe because, as Mooney said, he was as susceptible to hard to get as the next schmuck.

He blinked. When had his immense dislike for Lydia Johnson evolved into immense like?

Just then, he supposed.

Or maybe, he'd only just realised it. Maybe it had been a very gradual evolution. As most evolutions were you didn't notice them until they were complete.

Like Lydia Johnson? It sounded strange. Just like her. He supposed that was the reasoning behind not approving of Frederick Gooble (Although that did have a bit to do with Frederick Gooble being the biggest prat alive,) finding her 'lack of attraction' towards him very irritating and finding her attempt at kissing him very intriguing.

She'd almost succeeded in calming herself down enough to do something rational like walk away. Almost. Running away was a pretty good idea too. Apparation would have been nice but as she was on Hogwarts soil and hadn't yet mastered the art of not leaving behind her eyebrows she thought that might have been a bit ambitious.

She made to take a step but he cupped her face gently before she could.

Then before she could object or offer another seventy reasons for not liking him (seventy reasons she had thought up the other night when she couldn't sleep) he kissed her.

Her first instinct was to stand still, but that only seemed to work for a few seconds before she began to feel pleasant feelings working their way through her blood stream. She was barely aware of the arms that were draped around her waist and she couldn't recall telling her hands to play with the hair at the back of his head. She wasn't quite sure how they had gone from an immense dislike to complacency to this – this being utterly wonderful whatever it was - but they had.

A small cough brought her back to reality. They broke away and found Slughorn standing a mere meter away with a mischievous grin.

It was not his presence that made Lydia feel like a complete utter prat. She found herself embarrassed to look at Sirius. To admit that 'Hey, You're not actually a prat, I am for pushing you the hell away and Frederick Gooble is because… Well actually he just is.'

"Miss Johnson are you acting indecently with all the male members of your potions class?" Slughorn asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Uh no Professor." In normal circumstances she would have felt extremely foolish – perhaps she would have run away in embarrassment. But it was her treatment of Sirius that she felt embarrassed about. Her idiocy towards their entire 'relationship' that made her feel like a complete and utter prat.

She fled quickly, releasing her hold of Sirius as she did. She was going straight back to her dormitory where she was going to either throw herself out the window or inject green Krazzaz crystals into her eyeballs (green Krazzaz crystals caused great pain unless the taker was suffering from dragon burn.)

She pushed her way through her dancing school mates to get to her table. She'd left her robes there and she thought that if she was lucky she might also be able to score some more fire whisky to dull the ache of humiliation.

Sirius couldn't see Lydia over the crowds. Just as he passed Marcy and Peter in a close embrace (and shuddered) the song changed and the opening chords of 'No Magic' reached his ears.

_I've got this tiny problem  
I can't quite explain  
I can't get you to love me  
I'm going insane_

_I guess it seems so simple  
So mundane and wrong  
The fact I can't bewitch you  
Has made me write this song _

_ When you're not around me  
It makes me sick  
But when you are  
Girl I've got no magic _

Lydia bent down and picked up her robes shakily. Her fire whisky was nowhere to be seen which disappointed her greatly. Sighing she stood up straight and saw them. They were dancing innocently (unlike many couples who were sickeningly open about their affection.) They looked like they were quite enjoying themselves and Frederick didn't seem to have noticed that she was no longer sitting at their table.

Something rose in her throat. Part of it was anger, but mostly it was humiliation.

"Oi!" She yelled catching his attention.

He released his hold on Emmy and looked at her strangely. She raised her eyebrows to beckon him over and he walked towards her.

"You know…" She said bitterly, "If I didn't know any better I'd think she was your girlfriend."

" Lydia I'm really-." Sirius appeared pushing his way through the crowd, coming to a halt at the irate look on Lydia's face .

Emmy went rigid at the sight of Sirius while Frederick looked uncomfortable, he turned his attention back to Lydia and her question, "We discussed this before… We're just-."

"Keeping her company." Lydia finished, "I know. And you know what? I actually believe you. But I also believe that you don't like me nearly as much as I like you, which I'm glad to say at this point, isn't much."

His expression became quite blank.

"So, I'd just like to take the time to tell you its over." She smiled once more, "And that you should please get out of my way in future."

She flounced off angrily biting back any kind of unwanted emotions like sadness

"In simple terms, fuck off." Sirius said pleasantly. He turned and ran back through the crowd trying to catch up with Lydia, but when he reached the entrance hall she was nowhere to be found. With a sigh he climbed the stairs, intent on going back to his dormitory and finishing his butter beer.

* * *

**Ok, down to very serious business. Reviewers will receive a kiss from a marauder of their choice, a ticket to an exclusive ball (the 'I reviewed Frankly My Dear I Don't Give a Damn' ball), Fire Whisky or Butterbeer (or both if you're in need like me after the rugby :) and lots and lots of virtual cookies (NOTHING beats virtual cookies)**

**Review thank you's in the mail! Please review:)**


	15. You Can't Always Get What You Want

**A/N This is the last chapter, which is really very saddening because this is probably my favourite fic to write. Anyway, enjoy it! (In all its heavenly cliched glory :) **

* * *

**Chapter Fifteen - You Can't Always Get What You Want**

"I've been a right bloody idiot."

She groaned loudly, cringing inwardly so violently she was afraid her organs had been crushed.

"I've been a right bloody idiot who liked the thought of Frederick fricking Gooble better than Frederick Gooble himself. My imaginary Frederick Gooble was my supposed Prince Charming, the real Frederick Gooble is a right bloody wanker with no brains or sense of humour and if I wasn't such a right bloody idiot I would have accepted that and moved on."

She groaned again.

"If I wasn't such a right bloody idiot I would have dumped him ages ago and stopped pushing back all these Sirius attractions."

She groaned so loudly the back of her throat felt scalded.

"All in all," Jane said, "You've been a right bloody idiot."

Lydia sat up, shocked, "How long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough to know my suspicions about you needing to be admitted to St Mungo's were right." Lily said grimly, "I hope you appreciate that I left James down at the ball to come and talk to you."

"You should go back. I'm quite content to sit here and talk to myself about what a right bloody idiot I've been, but thanks anyway." She added as an after thought before groaning.

"Oh stop that…" Lily said impatiently, hitting her softly on the shoulder. "When were you planning to tell me about your 'almost kiss' with Sirius Black?!"

"_Almost_ kiss?" Lydia asked, "Forget that. We have much bigger issues to deal with."

"Like what?" Jane asked looking confused.

Lydia rolled her eyes and sighed, "Jane, drop the 'almost' from the 'almost kiss.""

"What?" Jane and Lily collectively screeched launching themselves at her.

"When?!"

"Where?!"

"Was he a good kisser?!"

"Half an hour ago. Entrance steps. Yes." She groaned.

"But how? Last I heard he was off with Emmy Jones and…" Lily frowned, "Do you actually tell me anything? When I'm ranting about James and how he asked me out and you're berating me for information do you think that in return I might like to hear that you're attracted to Sirius Black?"

"No." Lydia answered. "This is why I'm berating myself. Until about half an hour ago I hadn't admitted it to myself."

"That's not entirely true." Jane said, "You told me."

Lily glared at Lydia accusatively.

"She was the first person I saw after I realised!" Lydia cried in defence, "And she lured me into a sense of trust by telling me her prince Charming had red hair!"

"Did not. You burst into the room and said it straight out."

"Oh whatever." She muttered sullenly, "_After_ that I decided I was going to ignore him. And my feelings. I thought bringing them up at the breakfast table might not constitute as ignorance."

Lily rolled her eyes. "You really are an idiot."

"I think she's an entertainer." Jane piped in in an informative voice.

"Why would you want to ignore them?" Lily asked referring to Lydia's feelings.

"Because he's Sirius Black!" Lydia exclaimed, "And everybody likes him!"

"That's the only reason?" Lily asked with a raised eyebrow.

Lydia sighed in frustration, "Maybe… No… Probably not… I don't know alright! Maybe it's also because when I first met him I hated him immensely and didn't want to go back on my word or something mental like that." She grimaced, "Tonight I have come to the conclusion that I am mental. Completely mental. And I am also a right bloody idiot. A right... bloody... idiot…" She said emphasising every word.

"So, are you and Sirius going out now or…?"

"I have no idea." Lydia muttered miserably, "I ran back inside before he could say anything."

"Er, I don't want to rain on your parade, but why on earth didn't you take him back to the room of requirement and…!"

"Jane!" Lily exclaimed, "We're not all slags like you!"

"I am not a slag!" Jane exclaimed looking wounded, "I'm sexually experienced. My mother says there's nothing wrong with that."

"My mother says 'that' would be my ticket out onto the street." Lydia moaned, "If I started dating Sirius Black then in all likelihood I'd be out on the street."

"Why because he'd pressure you into bed?"

"No because I'd probably be overcome with lust." Lydia supplied, "Oh God… My transition from actual human being to shallow teenager is complete."

Jane and Lily threw back their heads and laughed.

"It's not funny!" Lydia cried.

"I disagree. I find it hilarious." Jane said.

"Yeah well… Fine. If me being a right bloody idiot at least brings happiness into the world I suppose it's not so bad."

"Will you stop going on about what a right bloody idiot you've been?" Lily exclaimed.

"But, I have!" She cried, "I feel so embarrassed! How am I supposed to sort this all out? I don't want to have to turn around and say I actually like him!"

"You snogged him. I'm sure he's figured it out for himself." Jane said with a snigger.

"Just for a minute, get your head out of the bloody gutter and recognise how embarrassing it is." Lydia muttered angrily, "I kept telling him that I didn't like him – that I hated him even – and now I have to turn around and tell him I like him? I mean…" She sighed in frustration, "And I'm also embarrassed about dating Gooble because that turned out to be about as stupid as eating dragon dung. And that I walked away afterwards without saying anything and…"

She groaned.

"I just want to sit here and sulk about what a right bloody idiot I've been, forever."

"You'll have to talk to him eventually."

"I've never appreciated how nice the word 'eventually' is."

"Tomorrow." Lily said firmly.

She groaned.

"I can't! I'm too embarrassed about this whole thing…"

"You're a coward." Lily muttered.

"I'm fine with that. If you're under the impression you're going to bully me into doing something courageous you can high tail it back to Gryffindor common room where you and your noble courage belong."

"So what happened with Gooble then?" Jane asked with a frown, ignoring her last comment.

"I dumped him." Lydia said shortly, "Why didn't you lot tell me what a prick he was?"

Lily rolled her eyes and looked at Jane accusatively as if she had failed to mention that Frederick was a prick. Jane shrugged and said in defense; "She wanted him!"

The sound of a clock chiming rang through the dormitory. Lydia sat up and looked at her bedside clock.

"Merry Christmas." She muttered miserably.

Cheers erupted below and fireworks flew past the dormitory windows.

"I'm going to bed." Lydia muttered climbing in.

"Me too." Jane said climbing in after her.

"Your bed is over there." Lydia said to her in dim wit tones.

"I know but I've had a shitty night too. And My Mum always crawls into bed with me when I've had a shitty time."

"Yes well… Your mother thinks it's acceptable to be a slag."

"Sexually experienced!" Jane cried in protest.

"Lily? Are you joining the shitty night bed?" Lydia asked.

Lily snorted.

"It's Christmas. I better go back to my dormitory."

"Pffft. Christmas, you want to see Potter!" Jane said aiming a kick at her from under the covers.

"I do not." Lily said blushing furiously.

"You're betraying the sisterhood." Lydia said with a laugh.

Lily rolled her eyes and said; "I'll see you both at lunch tomorrow. Merry Christmas."

And with that she waved them both good bye and descended the stairs.

"Why was your night shit then?" Lydia asked.

Jane sighed, "I saw Christian Messle snogging his girlfriend."

Lydia frowned, "Isn't he the Hufflepuff quidditch captain?"

"Yep. He even makes the Hufflepuff Quidditch robes look sexy."

Lydia barked with laughter. The two girls didn't pay attention to their room mates filtering in from the ball or the late hour, because they both had men in their lives and there was much to talk about. And when Jane fell asleep after the two had exhausted everything that could possibly be said on Christian Messle and Sirius Black (and how good looking they were) and Lydia had reflected on her whole night; she decided she kind of liked being a shallow teenager.

* * *

Lydia's eyes fluttered open. She rose slowly from her pillow and blinked uncertainly. For a moment she couldn't remember why a feeling of dread was hanging over her. It was very infuriating to feel dread and not know why it was there. 

_Oh that's right, I royally embarrassed myself._

She sighed and looked around the dormitory. She and Jane were the only ones still in bed. She looked at the clock and realised that they'd both missed breakfast by an hour.

Jane grabbed the blankets and pulled them to her side of the bed ferociously. Lydia kicked her sharply intent on waking her up.

"What happened?" Jane asked, bolting upright.

"Nothing, it's Christmas."

"Oh, is that all?" She muttered falling back into bed.

"Get up!" Lydia said hitting her with her pillow. "You've got presents you know."

Jane peered over to her bed and eyed the large pile greedily. She looked back and forth from the presents to her pillow as if deciding which was more tempting. After a moment or two she groaned and rolled out from underneath the cover, her decision obvious.

"Merry Christmas!" A bright voice exclaimed. Lydia and Jane looked up; Lily was coming through the doorway holding a gift.

"Here." She said thrusting it into Lydia's arms.

"Merry Christmas girls."

James' greeting was the only warning Lydia and Jane got that he was about to enter their dormitory. They both screeched and grabbed their robes.

"Oh honestly." He muttered indignantly coming into view, "It's not like I didn't see you wearing those dresses last night. They were just as revealing then."

"How did you get up here?" Lydia demanded.

"A couple of second years could prove that; if you think, you are, or something along those lines… Didn't really get it." Lily wrinkled her nose in confusion. "I think it was something to do with Shakespeare because my mother is always reading-"

"Yes thank you Lily I was actually talking to the six foot black haired _male_ impostor." Lydia said quickly cutting her off.

"We marauders have long since perfected the art of getting into the girls' dormitories." James said with a large smile.

"That's not terrifying at all." Lydia muttered, "Remind me to lock the door Jane."

He ignored her and pointed to Lily, "And she's here too and I couldn't stand the separation."

Lily rolled her eyes but a smile was tugging at her lips.

Jane groaned and grabbed another parcel, "Just no affection. It's too early for marauder affection." She threw a significant glance at Lydia when she said this who blushed ferociously and turned away.

"It's never too early for marauder affection." James said with a cheeky grin grabbing Lily around the waist.

"Don't." Lily said with a giggle, shrugging him off, "They both had a bad night last night."

"I heard." James said with a nod at Lydia, "Sirius had had a few butter beers by the time I got back from the ball so he was quite chatty."

Lydia's heart beat erratically. "What did he say?"

"Nothing much." James said with a shrug. "Just that Gooble was a prat and that you looked nice."

"Oh… That's alright then." Her heart calmed a bit.

"He also mentioned that you snogged outside on the entrance steps and that Slughorn caught you and something about you _finally _dumping Gooble on his perfectly polished arse."

"What?" She shouted.

"You've noticed Gooble's perfectly polished arse?" Jane asked with a snigger.

"Er… Yes." James said quickly, not willing to give away any information about the prank he and Sirius had played on Gooble in their fifth year.

Lily cleared her throat, "Anyway… The Gryffindors are all down in the grounds having a massive snow ball fight. We could sneak you both in."

Lydia gaped at her. Come into contact with Sirius Black? After such a short healing period?

"Thanks anyway," She said thrusting a parcel into Lily's hands and heading to the bathroom to get changed, "But I've got something I need to do."

* * *

The corridors had never been so alive at Christmas. Lydia wasn't particularly accustomed to being at Hogwarts in the holidays but she had in her second year as her brother had come down with dragon pox, which was highly infectious. The castle in any case, had been much quieter then. 

She could hear the shouts of the Gryffindors below and snowballs would occasionally fly out from nowhere and land on the stone. The Ravenclaws were huddled in the great hall, the Hufflepuffs were singing Christmas carols festively and most of the Slytherins were nowhere to be seen. Lydia felt like a lone soul walking down the corridors glumly, baring her prefect badge clearly on her grey coat so she at least _looked _like she was doing something constructive.

_Prefect patrolling on Christmas morning… No you're not pathetic at all __Lydia_

She turned to retrace her steps and perhaps bellow at the Gryffindors to watch where they were throwing their snowballs when she spotted Professor Slughorn heading towards her, with a look of determination plastered on his face.

Deciding that it was bad enough that she was doing prefect duty on Christmas day, she turned away – the last thing she wanted to do was get into a conversation about how her potion project was going with Frederick pussy Gooble, or if she was planning on snogging someone else from her potions class.

Slughorn was much too determined to talk however and yelled, "Miss Johnson!"

Grimacing, and no longer able to pretend she hadn't seen him, Lydia turned and said, "Merry Christmas Professor!"

"Yes… Yes… Very merry indeed." He said joyously, slapping his belly affectionately. After a moment he frowned and asked, "Why aren't you with Miss Evans? Or Mr Gooble. Or Mr Black," He added with a slightly confused frown as if remembering so many names was a grave difficulty, "One shouldn't be alone on Christmas!" He patted her on the shoulder, "I'm sure Dumbledore would understand if you skipped prefect duty for one day!"

Sirius' face popped into her head, and she imagined him throwing snow balls feet below them in the grounds and said quickly, "Oh I don't mind Professor!"

He raised one of his eyebrows; she got the brief inclination that he could see through her lie as easily as she could see through nearly headless Nick who was floating down the corridor, humming some of the Hufflepuff's choicest Christmas carols to himself glumly.

"Enjoy the ball?"

"Immensely." She muttered.

"Excellent, excellent."

They stood for a few moments in an awkward silence and finally he said, "Are you sure there isn't something else you want to be doing right now?"

_Telling Sirius I was a right bloody idiot and then snogging him senseless?_

She shook her head mentally reprimanding such shallow thinking.

"No sir."

He looked at her intensely for a few more moments, as if analysing her. He said in a dubious voice, "Christmas, is a grand time of year, as it is the one time of year, when one can tell the complete truth."

Lydia wasn't completely sure how to react to this cosy piece of trivia. Deciding that Slughorn was either drunk or just madder than he usually was she said slowly, "Uh… Yes I'll keep that in mind Professor."

He gave her one of his doubtful looks and then sighed, muttering to himself, "Teenagers."

Lydia frowned in confusion, "Excuse me Professor?"

"Nothing, nothing!" He said quickly, "Miss Johnson if you are _sure _that you have nothing better to do today then would you mind doing me a small favour?"

Lydia nodded, not noticing the devious smile forming on his face.

* * *

She'd forgotten how many stairs there were to the owlery. Panting, she promised herself that she would never again agree to do one of Slughorn's 'small favours.' The stairs were quite icy and she'd nearly fallen twice. 

She could hear the shouts below, probably coming from the snow ball fight. For a moment she pined to be a part of it; to not be worried whether Sirius Black was down there or not, to be fighting along with him would be even better…

She continued to climb, wondering how her family were fairing with John's persistent whining at having received socks for four consecutive Christmases (courtesy of Great Aunt Cecile.) She wondered what her parents would think of their gifts: Mum would no doubt mutter something about not needing another self drying tea towel and Dad would probably smile in delight at his new book. She knew John would be happy with a cauldron set; she'd spent the majority of her summer on the lawn with him making potions out of mud and grass – and it would certainly shut him up about a new pair of socks for at least half an hour.

She could hear owls hooting and knew she was close to the top, carefully quickening her pace she stepped up a few more steps and stopped.

Sirius Black was leaning on the bricks looking out at the forest.

_That bloody sneaky old codger! _She thought, scowling at the thought of her potions Professor and his 'Small favour.' Next time a teacher wanted something done they could start a revolution and try doing it on their own. Bloody teachers and their laziness!

She tried to turn around but the ice was too slippery and she fell instead.

"Shit."

Sirius turned around and rolled his eyes.

"Do you want me to perform that sole sticking charm now?"

She ignored him and said outraged; "You're supposed to be down there fooling around in the snow!"

He shrugged and looked out at the forest again. Feeling her cheeks go warm she knew that if she didn't start a conversation soon the situation would border on awkward, which she really couldn't afford in her already embarrassed state.

"Well what are you doing here anyway?"

He sighed and said, "I…"

"Needed to post last minute presents?" She suggested quickly issuing the packages in her arms – Horace Slughorn's personal Saint Nick contribution. He eyed them hungrily for a moment and then turned away, "Nah."

"Well at least you're organised. More than I can say for Slughorn!" The words tumbled out of her mouth in such a quick fashion she wondered if he'd understood them.

She coaxed a large owl down from the rafters, nervously glancing back at Sirius every now and then. This certainly wasn't how she had imagined their first meeting. He was acting very strangely. The owl grew tired of waiting for her to tie her parcel and pecked her on the hand. Scowling she paid the owl more heed and tied the parcels to its leg securely. It drooped with the weight but hooted in obedience before flying off, hovering lower than it usually would have.

She took a few tentative steps towards him, finally resting against the ledge, still wanting to turn and run. Her avoidance plan had been tainted which left her with one option: Apologising. How did she start such a ridiculous apology?

_Sirius… I'm a right bloody idiot. Pitch me over the side of this wall or snog me…_

Not for the first time that day she reprimanded herself for imaging herself in such a close embrace with Sirius.

"I'm not organised." Sirius said bitterly bringing her out of her trance, "I just don't send my family presents."

"Why not?" Lydia asked with a frown forgetting all about her apology.

"Because they don't really speak to me much nowadays. I moved out."

"You moved out?" Lydia gasped.

"Well they moved me out. Said I wasn't welcome home. To be honest, it's a big relief. I don't get on too well with my folks." He stopped for a moment and looked down at his feet, "But sometimes, I like the idea of family."

Lydia looked down at her feet as well, "Yeah, sometimes we like the idea better than the thing itself I suppose."

Sirius nodded and looked up again, "I don't want to get all angsty. It's just; the holidays magnify the bad things."

Lydia nodded, "So your family they're…"

"Pure bloods." Sirius muttered, "Obsessed. "

"But you're…"

"Not." Sirius finished for her, "Yep. I'm the big family disgrace."

Lydia didn't know what to say to that. What could she say to that? "I'm sure they love you."

Sirius looked away for a moment and said, "I'm sure they do too. Just not as much as they love their blood status."

A silence fell over them. Lydia put her hand on his arm in a way she hoped achieved comfort. She thought of her own family at home, probably crowded around the fire screeching madly at all the presents. Her family had always been quite stable. Her parents fought occasionally but never in front of her and John.

Sirius placed his hand over hers and squeezed it. Lydia wondered briefly if her family would like Sirius. Her mother would probably adore him. Her father would probably want him locked up in Azkaban. John would probably tag around after him (he constantly sought the attention of older boys).

"Sirius…" She started her voice shaking somewhat, "I… I've been a right bloody idiot."

His family induced frown fell and he smirked, "Well I don't mean to sound like a prat but I kind of already knew that."

She rolled her eyes and continued, "And I want to say sorry for going out with Frederick Gooble."

Sirius raised an eyebrow, "You don't have to apologise to me! I'd be more worried about your self of being; it must be in tatters after the trauma of dating Gooble."

She grinned and looking out at the forest, she said, "You have to turn everything into a joke don't you?"

He thought about it for a moment, "I suppose I do. We'd all go mad if we didn't joke."

She laughed and said, "Well, I've got a pretty good joke too. It's incredibly shallow but I've learnt that incredibly shallow things are often good for the soul."

He turned towards her with a frown, "Oh yeah what's that?"

"You've got to promise not to laugh."

Sirius rolled his eyes, "You usually order people not to laugh when you tell jokes? Doesn't that slightly defy the point?"

"No not really." She said with a laugh, "This joke's unique. I'm serious if you laugh I'm going to pitch you over the side of this wall."

"And I fully believe you." Sirius said.

"Okay…" She took a deep breath, "Though I've tried to squander it with all my might, I have a small crush on you."

A small smile formed on Sirius' lips.

"You said you wouldn't laugh!" Lydia cried in protest slapping him on the arm.

"I'm smiling." He said, his words sounded eerily familiar, "There's a difference."

She burst out laughing then, remembering what she had said to him in the potions store cupboard during their first detention. She stopped laughing and looked at him. His eyes had their usual mischievous glint and there was a cheeky smile playing on his lips. She began to think that maybe she liked that better than a heart shatteringly honest smile.

"So." She asked inching closer to him, "What have you got to say that?"

He smiled and inched closer to her, when her nose was nearly touching his he said; "I'd say, I kind of already guessed that from last night."

She rolled her eyes.

"And, just like last night, I'd say you're seriously getting in the way of my whole 12 step celibacy plan."

"In all fairness," She said, "You seriously got in the way of my Prince Charming."

He closed the gap between them and kissed her. It struck her that if all she had to pay to have Sirius kissing her in the owlery – kissing her with a vigour she might add – was doing a small favour for Slughorn, then it was well worth the price. She barely had time to mentally giggle at this before Sirius drew away and said, a mischievous grin playing at his lips, "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn."

* * *

**A/N I can actually imagine you all covering your ears (or eyes technically as you're reading) and screaming; "NO MORE CLICHES! NO MORE!"**

**Although I did have a little idea in my head about a sequel. At the moment this idea is not really comedy and I don't think it will be set at Hogwarts (though there will probably be Hogwarts "Flashbacks" - ****What can I say?**** The influence of Lost is dangerous) If you'd like to see this idea turn into a fic of some kind, let me know :) **

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed, or added this to their alerts or favourites. :) I appreciate it muchly and I'm afraid to say that my ego has increased ten fold because of it. But that doesn't mean that you shouldn't review this last one, because there's a Harry Potter character of your choice (decided to branch out from just the marauders for those out there who love the others as well :), a chocolate pudding and a hearty snog from Sirius on offer if you do review. So please do!  
**

**Thank again!**

**Freckles **


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